This didn't mean anything right?

It sounds like arousal, though not necessarily attraction. Naturally, her being a girl, it should feel more 'right' than if it had been a guy. It just sounds like you enjoyed the act itself, or at least were open to it, and your body responded accordingly.

 

Well, I have no experience kissing men, so can't comment there, but I have heard many gays describe a *huge* difference in how making out felt with someone of the opposite sex and with someone of the same sex; 'natural' and 'right' come up as descriptors, often, like *this* is what a kiss should feel like.

Anyway, I'm not sure if you're asking this to determine whether you're a lesbian or not, or just to see where you stand with this person in particular. I'm guessing you enjoyed it on some level?

The spark you were looking for was right in front of you all along.

 

Well, I've been through the same process (minus the kissing). I get it. I mean, honestly, it all comes down to what you make of it. If you've had crushes on other girls, then maybe you're lesbian, or bisexual. But just because you don't like her, or didn't, it doesn't mean that you aren't L/B, right? I mean, you don't have to be attracted to everyone of your gender or another gender. And I would say that you should experiment some more. I think that's probably what you need. Or look for other people who have had the same or similar experiences.
Good luck!

 

Yeah, it sounds a lot like what I'm going through, too. I don't *have* to have experience with a guy to know that I'm attracted to them on some level, but it feels like something I must do before going crazy with the labeling and involvement. It's a lot more difficult when you have had little experience with either sex, and have raging male hormones that make it possible to get it up for anyone at 23.

Keep in mind that I've never questioned my sexuality until around one year ago, and am now barely coming to terms with the fact that I might not be entirely straight, that it's not merely bi-curiosity. I have my shitty days, feeling suicidal, anxious, and confused, and euphoric days, when I feel suddenly excited, hopeful, and relieved that I'm moving closer to the truth - whatever it may be.

It's different for everyone, there's no rush, and you have the rest of your life to do it, and millions who are willing to support you in your coming out. Very few people know with 100% accuracy the moment they're born, and it's rarely a quick, one-step journey for anyone. On a more positive note, you seem to be doing a lot better now than before.

 

From what you've told us so far, I'm inclined to say yes, I think lesbian is definitely a possible choice. I won't say 'you are a lesbian without a doubt' because I know how it feels to be boxed in by others when you yourself are still questioning and in need of support instead of hasty, absolute judgments.

It could have been the kiss itself, it could have been the girl, it could have been the gender of the person, or any number of things. I'm saying many gay men and women describe their first kiss with the same sex as a revelation of sorts, even if it wasn't obvious at first.

And I'm not a straight girl, but I imagine a few might find it exciting, risky, novel, while others might feel "meh" about it and never give it a second thought.

I think you need to be easier on yourself, face the possibility of being into girls, and take that leap. I think it's the easiest and most effective way to know for sure; it you're straight, you'll know it's not for you, but if you're gay...

 

You'll have to find a balance between moving forward at a healthy pace and deciding when to finally decide what works for you - you don't want to be that person who questions for life, do you?

Speaking from experience, don't put so much stock into your attractions, just keep going out and collecting experiences and everything should naturally fall into place, provided you're honest with yourself and continue seeking out support. It could take a day or it could take a decade, but you will come around to the truth.

These doubts, fears, and confusions will wreck you if you let them. Trust your own judgments and never let anyone else define you. You've acknowledged that you have same-sex attractions, and that's a start.

 

Yes, but now it's not so new, and I'm guessing these attractions are still with you... along with doubts.

One thing is clear: you're sure of your same-sex attractions, not as a phase or curiosity, but a part of you. It's been two years since you've started questioning? It seems long enough to me, but again, for some people it can take a life time.

Suppose you are a lesbian, without question. Then what? Does your life end? Do you stop being yourself? Will your community disown you? I think the moment you see lesbian and straight identities as equally valid and acceptable is the moment you can see with clarity and make a decision you're comfortable with. I also think many of us make a bigger deal out of it than many of those around us, even the ones we expect to react horribly.

You deserve some peace of mind after all the struggle you've been through so far. If you can't trust yourself, at least trust what I've told you so far, as someone in a similar position.

 

So you've accepted that you're attracted to girls, that you're not straight, and have actually came out to a few people, while having 'lesbian' under your orientation. Don't you think these are all signs of progress? Give yourself a pat on the back, because there are many men and women who aren't this honest with themselves well into their fifties and sixties. Roadblocks are to be unexpected, since we live in a heterosexist society where everyone is expected to be straight until proven otherwise, and you're proving them wrong.

It gets better, coming out. Really, the more times you do it, the more natural it becomes, and the less awkward it feels. I came out to my therapist as 'questioning' and it honestly felt like a *huge* weight was lifted from my shoulders. He said he thinks I'm straight from what I've told him, but it felt great nonetheless.

Let's both make a pledge to keep telling others, at least until we magically discover we were really straight all along and end up taking it all back.

 

I think you liked the kiss even though it was with someone you're not attracted to. She is a female, someone you're naturally drawn to, so your body is going to automatically respond in a positive way. Why are you so embarrassed to admit that you like women to other people? It's really no biggie nowadays, but I understand how difficult it is to accept yourself. It took me 6 years and I'm almost 27, so there's really no rush. How about you go out and meet some ladies around your age and get to know them. You never know who may find you attractive, but you have to put yourself out there. Stop trying to run away from your feelings because in the end, it isn't going to work.

 

If you're not completely comfortable saying 'Yes, I am a lesbian' yet, you could always say, 'What if I were?' or, 'Maybe, who knows?' or something similar. You're not confirming nor denying.

I find it slightly amusing that lesbian and bisexual women have a hard time convincing others their same-sex attractions are real, while for men, we have the 'one drop rule', where any thought, word, or act involving the same-sex automatically labels one as a homosexual. Plenty of gay men have *no* issue shamelessly labeling others as they see fit.

Again, you define you, not others.

 

You've admitted it to yourself, mostly, which many consider the most difficult step. I'm sure once you tell a few, it'll be easy to come out to all and you'll wonder why you didn't sooner! Best of luck, and we're here if you need us. (!)