I know I'm bisexual, and I know I'm sexually more attracted to men... but here's my problem... Lately, the more I've come out, the more I've felt unsure of myself. I'm still sure of who I'm able to love and am attracted to, but what's so confusing is how I keep viewing my future. I ALWAYS imagine myself with a wife and children. Yes, I was raised with conservative values, but I was also raised Roman Catholic and am Agnostic, so I don't care about what my environment told me. I just want a wife and kids, I want what I see in movies and everyday life... I try to imagine myself in a marriage with another man, I just don't see it happening. I can easily think of myself in a relationship with a guy, cuddling, kissing, normal relationship stuff, but as soon as I think of being married, having either biological or adopted children, I just feel so cloudy and wrong. I know, of course, I may very well end up loving a woman and all this worry and doubt will have been for nothing, but what if I don't? What if I get serious with a man and these feelings don't go away and the relationship gets too serious and I can't take it? I honestly don't think this has to do with social values... I don't have enough middle fingers to explain what I think of societies bigoted views, but I guess it's always possible to have some subconscious fear of same-sex marriage and families? Please, if anyone has felt this before, what the hell is it?
Maybe it's because you've been surrounded by ideas of what it means to build a traditional, standard family, and so you find it hard to imagine yourself in a same-sex relationship for the long haul, way down the line. The thing is, though, that non-traditional families are just as healthy as traditional ones. This has been observed throughout time in many ways. Mixed marriages, single parents... and now same sex couples are emerging, and are shown to not be harmful to a child's upbringing. (Disclaimer: actually, single parents may have a harder time providing children with what they need due to a shortage of resources and time, but generally single parents are not as harmful as they have been believed to be.) This notion of yours may just have to be challenged repeatedly. Maybe exposure to same-sex couples who have built families, either through TV or youtube (and maybe people in person, as time goes on and you grow older), will help you. It'll be a continual process for now, but eventually you'll grow comfortable with the idea of being in a same-sex long term relationship that'll be for the long run. Hopefully this helped, if even just a tad.
Like I said, I honestly don't think it's what I've been surrounded by. I'm more of a heretic in life, not one to succumb to social standards. I don't think same-sex families or mariages are wrong at all, and really do want to be in one myself, I even think they are healthier for children and teach them values that all people deserve to be with who they love. My problem is though... I can't imagine myself in a marriage/family with anyone but a girl...
Well... You're still quite, quite young. Your views on this may change as time passes... but perhaps not. Besides consciously challenging this outlook, I don't see how you can really change your views on this besides letting time take its course... Perhaps others can offer some insight. I apologize but this is all I've got. No matter what, I wish you well =)
Before I came out I was the most hateful person you could imagine, a product of an environment that detested anything different. But as I came out to myself I began to change my world view, I realized that the views I held were wrong, that it was ok to be gay. However, deep down I still rejected the notion of being in a relationship with a man, I struggled with accepting that being gay meant that I couldn't have a wife and that I would have to accept that. What I am trying to say is this: you are probably facing a subconscious disinclination towards homosexual behavior. you may have accepted that you are attracted to men, but deep down inside there is a part of you that doesn't want a relationship with a man, that will only accept you having a wife and kids. This may be a result of your environment; if everyone around you while you were growing up was in a heterosexual relationship, and most of them were happy, then your brain may have made the connection that a heterosexual relationship is the route to happiness. Conversely, with all of the news that you hear about LGBT individuals and couples being persecuted could lead your brain to believe that being in a long-term homosexual relationship will lead to sadness. This is just the primitive part of your brain trying to steer you towards what it believes to be the better outcome. I hope something of what I said made sense and was helpful, I tried to organize it properly and say more but my brain has decided that it is on break. P.S. Just don't go getting married anytime soon, this fear will probably pass. P.S.S. Didn't see Luthen's posts when I first went to post.
i think you're just having healthy doubts, a little shock due to a change in thinking, an opening up i'd like to call it i grew up in a "conservative" environment, so much so coming out seems like a no go area (for now), and like you i dreamt of fulfilling my role of a "good boy" by doing as i was expected. but that is far from reality, far from life. life is not picture perfect, i no longer want biological children, i may not even get married, i just cannot wait to get out of this hole and live life.
so many people mistake being homosexual for being psychic. Must be a more common phenomenon than I thought. If you want you wife and kids so bad, then go get them, mate. What's with all the Pride and Prejudice stuff. If Jane Austin were alive i'm sure she would say something like... "Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance." or..." I shall not marry without affection!" Like, seriously.... Marry whomever you wish. By the time that bridge comes you may never know how you may wish to proceed and cross it. You said so yourself. You want what you see around you and on tv. Go LIVE a little. Get some culture and some exposure. It will do you some good. Then when you're done immersing into the world and not have your influence biased by television and religion, come back to this very thread and tell us what you think, then.
My advice: Stop worrying. I know that is easier said than done, but in this case it's important. I've personally never felt like this, but I can imagine that this is ultimately caused by your cultural upbrining in a subconcious way. If I were you I'd just take life as it comes. There's a good chance your views on this will change, especially if you get into a comitted relationship with a guy you love more than anything. Or maybe you'll end up with a woman and the problem's moot anyway. Either way I empathise with your situation and hope you'll get over it.
