I don't want to be gay

Living by yourself as a straight person is one thing but DO NOT drag an innocent girlfriend/wife along for the ride. That is cheating THEM out of true love and happiness.

 

No one is born wanting to... It's starting to become obvious by the day that I deeply suppressed any of the slightest attraction towards men, while dragging my feet to play the heterosexual game. Always assumed I was just bad with the ladies, needed to get off the computer, and didn't care for commitment... funny how others suspected, when I didn't have a clue and wondered why there were certain jokes, comments, and behaviors around me, like odd man out.

Like many heterosexuals, I'm still not comfortable with many associations with gay sex, and vaginal seems ideal, but, that's just from years of indoctrination and I know I'll get over it. For a while, I hoped it was a dream, hoped I was over-thinking like I always do. Not that I wasn't, but what I wanted to be true definitely wasn't this time.

Uhm, my only advice would be to let yourself grief, question, bargain, etc in due time. Think of it this way: you're already moving forward, by accepting the fact that you might be gay. Most straight men wouldn't even consider it, definitely not enough to make an account for themselves on EC.

Ironically, it wasn't sexual attraction that drew me to me at first, since it was women that got me going as a teenager while I mostly ignored men, but the... conversations and relationships I had with at least two other non-straight men. I *missed* him, thought it was one of those brotherhood things, but stronger.

Personally, I like the unique chemistry two gay men can share with one another... there's man culture and gay male culture.. I find it fascinating, picking their brains and learning the "rules" of this new game.

 

First of all, I'm sorry you feel this way. I remember a few years ago when I more or less had the same problem, and it sucks. My dream was to marry a beautiful woman and have three kids and a dog, but once I started really exploring my feelings for guys that slowly changed. I suggest that you just be patient with yourself, give girls a break for a while and start making more gay friends if that's possible where you live. It might take some time for you to become comfortable with your sexuality, but it's not worth trying to force yourself to be straight.

 

I had this thought aswell but personally I just can't live my whole life with a secret like that (granted I am closet at the moment). Maybe you can live you're life with that secret? But, I think you'll be miserable and take it out on the family and thats not fair.

Also, gay people can adopt or if youve got siblings you can be the cool uncle?

 

Well, then the question becomes "how are you going to pull this off?"

Are you going to meet a woman you connect with on an emotional level...and then lie to her? Pretend you find her sexually alluring? Think of guys while you have sex with her? And hope she eventually gets bored with sex, and you can just be in a sexless marriage? Or are you going to come clean at the outset? "I'm heteroromantic but homosexual, so while I feel emotionally connected to you, I have no interest in you sexually. But I still want you to be my wife, even though I won't be having sex with you at all."

Here's the thing, OP. None of us signed up for the gay thing. We didn't see it in a catalog and think "Hey, that looks good - I think I'll do that." We found out we were gay (or bi, etc). And it's once we accept it that things get easier. The train tracks might not be leading us to where we thought we wanted to go, but you can't steer the train. It just causes friction and damages the train.

Lex

 

Where's the like button, Lexington? I think this forum could use some. Complimenting your response, of course.

@OP: Have you considered the possibility of being a heteroromantic homosexual? There is another potential case of this recently in the forums, but he doesn't know if he is one or not yet.

 

I agree. Lex hit the nail on the head.