Ever since I didn't got a boyfriend But I do have crushes on boys and tried to keep it from anybody cause I felt really weird. I do find guys hot! and cool. I got obsessed with my first crush but that didn't take long cause he got gf that time. Well lets set aside Well the thing is I have my Bff a girl of course! we are really really close. Enough to know every depths of our body well not really :3 We have been best friends since highschool until now 4.5 years now we've done alot of things kissing hugging we are more like a lovey dovey. Things went straight and normal for us to do that. french kissing we've tried all the best deep and passionate kisses to be satisfied. we exchange I love you to each other ... even touching ourselves! And I know its really gross but I can't help but to do it, coz my body felt it so... I am not perfect person She told me she really love so I returned it the way she is.... actually she was a lil bit of obsessed with me and that is what I afraid about. She thought that we are girlfriends but the truth is were nothing more like a bestfriends with benefits and no commitment to each other though we've been too long satisfying ourselves.. Im not really unto her even though we shared a lot of memries together. I couldn't consider myself as lesbian ... Im still at a DENIAL stage I really don't have the Idea on what track I am now... I know in myself Im not a lesbian but I have done almost of the dirtiest thing I could. This is what really bothers me most.
Welcome to EC! Sorry for the late reply *hugs* Denial is tough, if we are afraid of being honest with ourselves, we get easily stuck in this borderland of confusion and shame. We have to deal with how we feel in order to move on, figure things out, find out who we are and how we have to live to be happy. It sounds to me like in her mind, what the two of you had meant a lot to your friend, but you really weren`t ready for it yet. Maybe you`re bisexual, maybe you`re a lesbian, but regardless, until you are ready to face your emotions and go through how you feel, you won`t find out. If you were 100% straight, then you wouldn`t be able to have sex with a girl. Or think about her sexually. Or get off sexually when engaging in activities with her. However, sexuality isn`t a set default straight or gay, there is bisexuality. Some people who are bisexual lean heavily towards either same sex or opposite sex, some lean a little in one direction and some are completely 50/50, possibly leaning a bit in different periods in their lives. But when we`re denial, it`s close to impossible to figure it out. But if we don`t know who we are, then we don`t know what will make us happy, and if we don`t know how to be happy, we won`t be happy! Everybody deserves to figure out who they are and live their lives in a way that can make you happy and content. Working through your denial is important. But welcome, we`re here for you and we`ll listen
Well you're certainly not a lesbian, if you're attracted to males. However, if you ever establish a pattern of having consistently bad relationships with guys, you could most likely become a full fledged lesbian. However, as things stand right now, I'd say that you are bisexual...And where did you get the idea that whatever you were doing with your girlfriend was dirty?
If you're attracted to men and your female friend, I would say you're bisexual right now. I think you're in denial right now, it's hard but try to accept it because that's who you are now and in the future.
HELLO! and Superrr THanks for the great reply guys this is so much appreciated <Wipes teeaarss>.. And I know only truth can set you free but in my case it's hard to be myself when everyone surrounds me is very judgmental. I know that it's only a matter of choice if you really want to become somewhat ... and It seems when I rushed to have a boyfriend it may turn our like an defense mechanism to hide my flaws.... (denial move) but maybe I need to experiment things before I can settle out my feelings and identity. Its hard to figure-out which is which anyways all of your post helped me to realize on what state I am. Have a nice day! guys...
Hi Lylicorez, You sound like such a wonderfully caring and friendly person I do hope my comments will not offend you in the least. I'm more or less relating information from a close friend whose life story could just as well be your's.. She while much younger than me has been my friend since I helped her with her math issues in highschool and then statistics later when she was in college. She seemed to be without interest in boys but when I asked if she had a bf she said she was madly in love with some guy who didn't know she was alive. Due to this she claims she became bi-sexual. Her close friend and her carried on a minor sexual relationship to go along with her friendship. Later when they were in school at a large university that same relationship was more accepted and they were girlfriends, lovers, etc.. But once out of school into life she grew apart sexually from her friend and they are just slightly friends now. The other girl has No interest in men whatsoever but my friend is dating men and has virtually no interest in women from a sexual standpoint. When we discussed those things I was just not judgemental at all and so she gave me more information than other people got. She describes her many year encounter with her friend as Same Sex Bonding in the search for approval and the desire for someone to love her back. I'm not about to expound on such a statement and Lylicorez this may have Zero to do with you but it did seem to fit that description of life for you well. Most importantly my friend and I have discussed the fact that even if she were just going through a phase *her words not mine* she feels now and always will feel that it was a wonderful few years. It holds no shame at all and should never be looked upon as a mistake... She only wishes her and her friend can become closer as friends even if they are no longer lovers... I hope that will be the outcome as well. Those two were so much like sisters, heckel and jeckel for those of us older than most... by the way Lylicorez I wish you all the best and never let anyone make you feel ashamed.. Mike
