Should i give heterosexuality a chance

No. You like guys, and you know it. Just because you dislike aspects of the "gay lifestyle" doesn't mean you have to try and be something you're not. There are many more aspects to being gay than the image people have of the gay lifestyle.

 

You shouldn't label and restrict yourself if you're not completely sure, and you shouldn't come out if it makes you uncomfortable or you're not ready to yet. It's impossible to "turn" heterosexual when you're not, though you're free to call yourself that and live the straight lifestyle, which I wouldn't recommend if you seem to already know for a fact that you're attracted to men. Go on and experiment, you might learn something new about yourself, but be sure it's not just to prove a point or escape accepting the truth.

 

There's no such thing as a gay lifestyle, really. If anything, a 'gay' lifestyle is practically the same as a 'straight' lifestyle. The only difference would be that you'd date guys instead... You can still be yourself; in fact, I encourage you to be. There's no sense in acting a certain way... for what?

If you don't have any attraction or feelings for women, in general, I don't think you should give heterosexuality a 'chance'. You'd likely be leading both the other person and yourself on. If you do give it a shot, don't let things get too far if you don't feel anything. That would just be extremely unfair to the other person. Again, though, I don't think you should 'try' it if you don't really like women in that way...

Dating a girl just for the sake of your career would not be fair to her at all. I'm sure you know that.

 

considering your avatar choice, i think you'd be lying to yourself. of course, no harm in giving it a try, but be true to who you are.

 

Hey dude, great to see you again :smilewave

Given the trauma you underwent re women when you were younger, I can understand why you're feeling as you are. If it is something that you feel will nag you forever if you don't explore it, then I would say that it probably doesn't hurt to explore it. Maybe you will turn out to be bisexual or straight but bi-flexible, or something.

That said...

There are lots of guys on EC who slept with women and even got married and had kids before eventually realizing they were gay. So being able to get it up for a woman doesn't necessarily mean anything. And there is eventually a chance on that path that leads to a wife and kids and secret affairs with guys and maybe coming out much later in life with a lot of people being hurt.

From what I've seen in my life, and my (admittedly brief) time on EC is that sexual attraction is a matter of feelings, not intellect. If you were straight, the feelings you're having for guys, (whether you see them in porn, or on the street, or in your bedroom) the attraction, the lust, the appreciation of the male body? You'd be having the equivalent feelings for women. And you really don't seem to be. And, as bad as your experience with that woman was all those years ago, I'm sure it wasn't unique (unfortunately). Other guys have certainly had painful and embarrassing experiences with women that traumatized them for a while before they went on to meet other women who were much nicer.

If you do choose to explore this, you will be involving another human being in what is essentially an experiment with them playing the role of lab rat. In all fairness to that person, please be careful of their feelings in the process.

Re your career and the impact on it of coming out. You've not said what you do (and not asking) other than to indicating its something in sports. And your info indicates you live in the US. Based on this I'm guessing this aspect of things may be weighing more heavily on your mind than you've let on here up to now. From what I've seen, American sports culture is not the most accepting of gay people, whether they are players, coaching staff, or something else. If your job involves education in some fashion, things can probably get even trickier I imagine.

If you don't want to include that aspect of things for consideration here, that's perfectly fine. But if it's something that's weighing on your mind then know that we're ready and willing to talk about that part (while maintaining your anonymity) as best we can. I guess my main question would be how much of an impact your coming out could have on your career and how that might be addressed in a positive way for you. Again, if you don't want to talk about this part, just say the word and no one will push you on it.

Finally, regarding those aspects of the gay lifestyle that you don't think you'd be happy with, either. Can you provide specific examples or instances of these that we could talk about? I ask because in my time here, I've found that a lot of questioning or newly out guys have a lot of misconceptions about what it means to be gay and 'gay culture/the gay lifestyle'.

Finally, finally - you mention in your post that you have a choice even if you might not be happy with the life that choice would give you. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life not being happy for the sake of ....something? The emotional complacency of a bunch of other people? A job? Societal expectations?

Wouldn't a better option be the one where you get to be happy for the rest of your life, regardless of what orientation you are? In which case, the question then becomes how that state might be achieved...

Hope this helps and looking forward to your thoughts on the above.

Best,

Todd

 

No, but you should try accepting yourself as one with same sex attraction. Your reasons for trying out heterosexuality seem to stem a lot from social pressure or feeling uncomfortable with being gay. I think once you fully accept yourself 100%, then you can try heterosexuality out of pure curiosity or experiment. It doesn't seem like you want to try it "just to say you did it." You seem to want to try it so it can change you or that maybe somehow you will become attracted to the opposite sex. That's not a good reason to want to try it.

 

Cole Porter, the famous Hollywood lyricist, was gay but married a woman. He cheated on his wife several times with men. It caused much pain in his family. I'd just be concerned of causing pain to others

 

I'm curious to know who you are lol but that's totally personal and private. I can see the WE and pro-wrestlers being less gay-friendly, which is probably why you feel this pressure to try heterosexuality. I know man. I've played sports and most my friends are the stereotypical jocks. Others are frat boys. I'm surrounded by rampant heterosexuality on a daily basis!! I know the pressure. Believe me. It gets real annoying though. So much so that I think I will never ever like women. They talk way too much about boobs, butt, and :***:.

 

Only if you feel some sort it desire towards women, if you don’t then there’s no point in trying.

 

This.

That is all.

 

Well, if you really wanna try being with a woman why don't you find one you are ATTRACTED to but be honest with her with what the situation really is (that this is an experiment, etc).

 

I saw the OP's post last night and there's a lot there. First, the avatar is interesting in and of itself, but you had to pick an avatar, so ... LOL

I think that you need to ask yourself what aroused you prior to your negative experience in high school. Was it girls and women, boys and men, or both, and to what degree, if you can ballpark that? I think this is important, because it's independent of the traumatic experience you had, which obviously had an effect on you and ought to be validated.

At this point, you are an adult and you should be honest with yourself as to whether this is for advancement in your workplace, for how you plug and chug into a lifestyle that you feel is the correct script, and for what meets your physical and emotional needs. The fact that your first experience was with a guy could mean you like them more, you are more comfortable with them, or the situation presented itself. It's impossible to know.

I wanted to say something on the thread because I have similar life experiences, in a way. I had a bad experience in high school, and experienced rejection, though it was politely done. I have yet to let go of all the bitterness surrounding that. I also changed, though mostly through growing up, though I went from shorter and thinner to taller and bigger framed, partly due to the gym. I can't assign values to why I act and feel the way I do today to my past. It's not mathematical.

As for women, it would be unfair to a woman to string one along because it's to create a lifestyle or appearance you want to give off. If you haven't dated, your experience must have made quite an impression on you. One way to validate that you are no longer the same person is to see how a new reference group in another setting affirms you, and I think they probably would. If you choose to mess around with a woman, make sure that you don't reel in her emotions and that it's agreed upon experimentation, and with appropriate precautions. Also, keep in mind that if you decide you ultimately are only interested in men, there is no scripted lifestyle or set of attributes you need to buy into. The fact that you might like men is just that, and does not define you and the broad span of attributes that make you an individual. That's what I'm thinking.

 

I have felt exactly the sime for a good while. Give it time. You'll come to your senses.

 

No, you can't really give heterosexuality a chance. You can't just change your sexuality. Maybe you could be bisexual, but if you like guys there's no way you can be straight. But that's not a bad thing, it's just part of who you are. Also, there's no "gay lifestyle". We're just like everyone else except that we happen to like the same sex.

So you're mostly just worried about what other people think? I don't watch wrestling, but it would still be cool that there would be an openly gay pro wrestler. You'd be another person who could help fight homophobia. And maybe with all these athletes coming out, maybe the high school athletes will stop using "gay" and "fag" as insults soon, because it won't be cool anymore (not that it ever really was).

 

Hmm. So, when you've mentioned that you're masculine and work out you mean that you can juggle cinderblocks and benchpress small cars

Rather more seriously, how much of an issue would you being gay be in this profession? I did some quick-n-dirty research and the record seems to be mixed. There have been pro wrestlers who were openly gay or bi apparently, but I don't have a clear sense if any were out while active or what sort of reaction they got from either the fans or their colleagues. Would being out get you attacked? Ignored? Asked how your boyfriend was in the same vein that you ask a guy about the wife and kids when your backstage before or after a match? Something else?

Coming at this from another direction, another thing I learned is that apparently the current 'style' of pro wrestling is such that its possible for a wrestler to be active and working well past 40. Which leads to the question: What are your thoughts on your career and future?

Please note that I am NOT trying to talk you into coming out as an openly gay wrestler if doing so would damage your career or endanger you or make your life a living hell (or is just something you don't feel ready to do, now or ever). Trying to get enough information so I can even begin to have an opinion on this issue. And maybe get you thinking about the issue or what future options might be available.

Regarding the 5% bit - Given that you are an athlete and work in a profession that has you operating in very revealing/very little clothing (at least that's the sense I get from TV), I would think it would be relatively easy for you to meet women who would be interested in hooking up. Given your past trauma, I can understand why you haven't partaken of the opportunity. But if you are seeking to satisfy your curiosity in this area, would something of this sort be an option? Or is the idea of ready access to women just a stereotype and the reality is that you and the other wrestlers are working so hard that you haven't time for that sort of thing even if it were offered?

Todd