Hi everyone. I've been on this forum a few times as a guest, but I've just signed up. It's a really great site... I've recently come to terms with my sexuality, after a long process of a lot of confusion and anxiety. While I label myself bisexual, I am unsure whether or not to identify as a lesbian... Up until around a year ago, I knew I liked both guys and girls. I'd yet to put a label on it, but that was how I felt. However, recently I've been doubting myself. If I see myself in 5 or 10 years time, I always picture myself with a woman. Why? I don't feel like a guy can give me the emotional attachment that I need in a relationship, and I frankly can't find myself being involved with one for a long, extended period of time. (No offence, I assure you. It's just how I feel, I guess). However, I do still find myself attracted to guys. Not so much sexually, I can't really see myself ever sleeping with a guy, but I still find them catching my eye occasionally. (I'm blaming it as a bi-product of being on Tumblr for so long...). I do find guys attractive, and while I'm kinda grateful because this helps with stopping any suspicions, it's been playing on my mind more and more. I feel the need to label myself. It forms a security, and almost a coping mechanism, knowing that people are going through the same things as I am. So much so that there's a label for it. I was just wondering what everyone thinks? Any kinda of comment would be highly appreciated.... Thank you.
Bi-product :eusa_clap I don't have a good answer for you I'm afraid. I guess it's all about which label you would feel most comfortable with. From your post your appreciation of men seems fairly limited? You don't really want a relationship with a man, and aren't really sexually attracted to them, but you do notice them. Was this different before? The reason I ask is because I feel my "preference" seems to shift sometimes. Anyway, it which label would make you more comfortable describing yourself? Ignoring the fact that identifying good looking men helps people not getting suspicious, which one would you like to use if you would come out to people? Would you like people to know about that bit about men, or do you think it would raise some false expectations? May I ask you a(nother haha) counter question? Could you describe what would make you uncomfortable with both labels (bi and lesbian)? Sometimes identifying the obstacles makes things more clear. I've just been thinking out loud here, and English isn't my first language so I hope nothing sounds strange or rude.
Apologies for not getting back to you sooner! Aha, I didn't actually notice how ironic 'bi-product' is... I would like to say that I'm gay. But then I'm scared if I end up finding some cute guy librarian who loves books, who surprisingly wins over my affections, I'm scared people are going to think I was lying just for the attention, or it was 'just a phase'. I suppose that's why I feel slightly more comfortable labelling myself as 'bisexual'. It allows for that le-way, albeit small chance that I may end up with a bloke. I think for the same reason, I'm reluctant, and don't think I have the 'right' to label myself as gay or lesbian. I'm perhaps scared of rejection from the others that I'm not a 'proper' lesbian seeing as I have dated blokes, and I do find the occasional guy good looking. I suppose I just don't want to lie to anyone...
I wouldn't be so quick to put a label on it, especially if I'm not sure, since that can box you in and leave you blind to other aspects of sexuality. Too many people worry of "fitting in" to their idea of being a gay man or a lesbian, and I think they should be comfortable in their own skin before making and committing to a decision like that. It's actually pretty common for those new to accepting their sexuality to cling onto any hopes of heterosexual privilege, but then, I've seen plenty of bisexuals feel pressured to "choose a side" eventually, sadly an atmosphere even EC is not totally free of. There's a lot of debate over the merits of bisexuality and strict homosexuality, so I suppose it comes down to the person identifying themselves, and no one else. Again, you have your life to figure this out, and shouldn't feel rushed. There's more to you than sexuality, but I do ask you be completely honest with yourself while going with the flow. Plenty of people switch labels throughout their lives to suit their self-perceptions, and that's fine, too.
I feel like I'm actually pressuring myself. I guess it's because I'm trying to face up to my feelings that I may not like guys in that way. And I suppose trying to label it is a way of me figuring it all out. I think I have a small need for labels. The idea of fitting neatly into a little box gives me a sense of comfort and security, and also minimises explanations when talking to people. But I know fitting in a box is rarely the case, and maybe I just need to accept that... Thank you for your response, it's made me consider a lot
