26yo male, all of a sudden getting the distinct impression I'm gay. I've always considered myself hmm.. how to describe it... morally or intellectually bisexual? I saw nothing wrong with it, saw no reason why I would be put off by it, saw no reason why I wouldn't try something with a guy... Just never did. The anal thing weirded me out a bit. But then I started getting into it via women, and realised there's actually no real difference. I've always appreciated attractiveness of men. Certainly never had a problem with gay people. Or any other people. People are just people to me. But I was always somewhat of an outcast, through school and such, so naturally ended up around more accepting people. No gay people though. None at all. Strange. (My city is 1million people large.. so it's not like a small town) I always just thought I was really sexually secure, as in.. getting drunk and dancing closely and kissing guys was a joke on the insecure straight people around us. But now I'm kinda like OH.. hangon. Maybe I read all that wrong. Looking back on my life so far, things seem to 'make sense' of me being gay, like I actually did have alot of insecurities and anxiety/etc... For all my 'security'/confidence I had/showed in front of other people, in my mind I was even like "I cant buy a v-neck shirt, that makes me look gay" How stupid is that? hahaha. and usually any other non-sexual orientation issue I love breaking barriers/peoples taboos. The same with image.. I hate when people stereotype/etc. Maybe it all stemmed from this. Anyhow. I know a few lesbians, and I've seen them a few times lately. My new neighbours are lesbians and we hang out quite a bit. I guess I've never been exposed to gay people before now. When I realised the way they saw themselves/being gay, rather than the stereotypical media image... All of a sudden something 'clicked' in my mind... Before I guess I was like "I'm not gay because x, y, z". But for the past few months, I've been all about the boys. Not just sexually. All of a sudden I'm very nervous around certain friends. I also find myself being a lot more self-conscious about how I look/dress/eat/workout/etc now... Not in a stereotypical 'oh look im so gay' kind of way, just... I actually want to impress people and I want to have a sexy body. I think this whole thing is really showing me how much of my previous life was dysfunctional for a reason. It's like I couldn't see it at the time, but now I look back everything makes alot of sense. The other strange part is I look at girls now in a completely non-sexual way. I used to but now it seems like I was lying to myself or something. I still think some girls are beautiful, but more in like a fashion/artistic sense. I used to think I was pretty into them. All my friends seemed more attentive.. I would never notice a 'sexy' girl walking down the street when they all did. Never spent much time on sex but I got into it and enjoyed it. Although looking back I definitely had somewhat boyish taste in girls. Never got the 'stunning feminine model' look... or breasts in general except small ones. Now I just CAN'T get turned on over girls at all. I've been trying, because believe me.. I'd much rather not have to go through this whole thing. I have no idea what anyone I know would think. I've been completely isolated from anyone gay most of my life... Also being as old as I am kinda sucks. I have no idea how to proceed/meet people/etc. I don't just worry about having to tell people I'm 'that' way, I also worry about whether theyll take me seriously because I've been 'straight' my whole life. Mind you, my entire sexual experience involves a late-teens girlfriend and one overnighter. Maybe this is why I've been on my own for so long. I've also been through a pretty dark period in life... I'm talking bad drugs/overweight/deadend job/failing university over and over, isolation, depression. All of that ended all of a sudden not long ago as well. I'm healthy and doin good. Which makes me think this is pretty real, and those unknown feelings may have been causing me alot of pain in my life. Or maybe it's just because now my shit's together I'm actually considering love/sex seriously for the first time in my life. Bit of a chicken/egg scenario I guess.. Feels like both just happened because of the right time/right place/right events. In my mind I'm certain this is real... But i keep looking for objective proof (lol, there isnt really any). I keep checking back through past events in my life and seeing if they 'match up' with me actually being gay but not realising it... and they seem to, but I dont want to make any drastic changes until I've gone through everything another 10000 times... which is ridiculous. I feel gay. I do. Wow haha. It's strange. This is incredibly.. difficult.. but at the same time, it feels like I now know a part of myself that was always there in some way. I also wonder why, in all the times I asked myself "Am I gay?" I said no. It's not that I was consciously denying it.. and I did think about it to some degree. I honestly just didn't realise. I guess my main issue was always with not fitting the stereotype, and anal sex. I realise now looking back, I always used to imagine/visualise a hairy ugly old mans butt... But then I realised not that long ago, wait... If it was a hairy ugly old womans butt I wouldnt want anything to do with it either. That and I never really thought about things in terms of love/relationships, just sex. Now I daydream about just holding a boyfriend in my arms while lying on a couch or something and it gives me that 'love' feeling that I havent had for such a long time. So uhhmm... any thoughts on how to procede? Both in 'making sure' (I am in some ways already I guess.. maybe I'm just looking for a way to avoid all this coming out thats gonna have to happen siiigh) and also... How to find gay people/community? I don't know my neighbours that well... also they know my housemate and I have no idea what his feelings are of such things. There is a gay club/some bars in town but I get a bit of social anxiety when I'm forced to confront such a situation on my own, so that's kinda too much 'throwing self in the deep end' for me to manage. Also I generally think clubs/bars are terrible places to meet people. I love going out to clubs/etc, but with friends. I guess I want to ease myself into things... I want to make friends first- have lived without sex for many many years, can survive a little longer. I want it I just... I think I'd find a random hookup awkward as hell and again, way too 'throw self into the deep end'. Anyone in/been in a similar situation? The age thing kinda dissappoints me... I so wish this had happened 10 years ago. :bang:
I am 26 years old, do you mean to imply that I am old? Lol, just joking with you I think you should rather be grateful it`s now, you could have gone another 10, 20, 30 years before finally accepting it! But you have found out now, which is wonderful! Now, I can relate to the "settling in with someone" feeling, I`ve gotten that too now and finally found someone to do so with. How about googling up your local LGBT organization or club? Get to know someone from the LGBT scenario without going to a bar or the sort? It might be a lot more comfortable. Surely Australia has an LGBT organization of some kind? That way you can get LGBT acquaintances, and get to know people without having to throw yourself into it. Coming out to your lesbian friends might help too, maybe they know some nice single guy who`s looking for someone like you? Look at this as the beginning of an adventure! All adventures are a bit scary, you never know what might happen or what you might find, it`s new, un-trodden territory! But after the initial scariness, you can find wonder, happiness, joy, excitement! A beginning is a wonderful thing, a whole new chapter, new opportunities I promise, with this view on it, you`ll have a much more fun ride!
It sound like you're on a good path and in a good mental space for accepting yourself. You might check out the Meetup website and see if there are any LGBT social groups in your area. These could let you meet other folks in a non-bar setting and might even lead to meeting some you want to be more than friends with. Based on what I've seen since joining EC you're right in the middle of one of the major age demographics for coming out. A lot of guys seem to start questioning or coming out in their mid 20s. Being gay has no real rules. If you are considering changing anything about yourself, only do so because the change will make you happy, not because you're gay. Anal sex is a very popular activity among gay men, but not all of us like it and there are lots of other things to do with a guy if you discover it's not your thing. Welcome to the tribe Todd
Hey! I used to think 26 was so old...here I am at 53, just discovering what being gay is all about - finally! You have your s**t together, getting healthier and happier...you'll be fine! In general, 26 year-olds do not have a hard time getting into relationships, so it behooves you to be careful and choosy. Consult us here if you're unsure, and as Todd said: welcome to the Brotherhood, mate!
