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Just emotional attraction or is it more than that?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by nymphicushollan, Jun 28, 2013.

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  1. nymphicushollan

    nymphicushollan
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    I'm in professional school, 25/f, and it was only this past year that I started having feelings for a female classmate of mine. This past year we grew close and I would probably even consider her my best friend. Throughout the year I would think about her almost every day, and would be happy when she texted or called. We'd even cook for each other and study together all the time. I've never had such a strong crush on anyone, not even any guys.

    She's straight though, and recently got a boyfriend. I can't really tell if I'm actually jealous or if I'm just bummed that our friendship is going to change now that he's in the picture. I do care a lot for her though and want her to be happy, but there were many times when I wished she would feel the same way about me. The three of us (her, her boyfriend, and me) spent the entire weekend together not too long ago. I think I handled it alright, though towards the end I think I just became less and less enthused by the idea of them together. Maybe I felt like I was losing my friend. I don't know if it's just that I place a lot of value on friendship because I've never been in a relationship before, or if I'm actually falling for her.

    I feel like I've always had a much stronger emotional attraction to women since high school, but when I fantasize I've always thought about men. It wasn't until just recently that I tried to fantasize about women, and it was harder to get off at first but I guess it's getting better. In general though, I just haven't had a really strong emotional attraction with guys though. I was never very boy crazy though compared to my friends, but I think in general I'm pretty shy about expressing attraction. Physically, I think I might be attracted to both but it's hard for me to picture sex with a woman. I know labels don't really matter, but does it sound like I'm bi, or homoromantic heterosexual or bicurious? What do you guys think about all this? Any opinions would be much appreciated!
     
    #1 nymphicushollan, Jun 28, 2013
  2. wittyusername

    wittyusername
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    Have you ever been emotionally attracted to guys at all? You could be bisexual, or possibly biromantic. That really depends on if you find yourself sexually attracted to women or not, which can be pretty hard to figure out. If you don't really feel the same sexual attraction with women as you do men, or close to the same, then I would say you're probably not bisexual. That's just my opinion, but you'd really have to figure out for yourself how exactly you feel.
     
    #2 wittyusername, Jun 28, 2013
  3. nymphicushollan

    nymphicushollan
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    Nope, I haven't had any emotional attraction to any guy, just fleeting crushes which were easy to get over. This crush I have on my friend though, I just can't shake off. Maybe I just haven't given guys a chance? I've been on dates with guys, but I ended up not having any feelings for them back.
     
    #3 nymphicushollan, Jun 28, 2013
  4. srslywtf

    srslywtf
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    I found myself in a similar (well opposite) situation...

    I think alot of it was preconditioning from society that turned me off sex with men originally. Like I was reacting before/without truely thinking about what it would be like.
     
    #4 srslywtf, Jun 28, 2013
  5. Tetraquark

    Tetraquark Guest

    It actually isn't uncommon for sexual attraction to only appear after acknowledging emotional attraction (or vice versa), but only time will tell whether or not that will be the case for you. It is possible to have conflicting romantic and sexual orientations.

    I was in a similar situation last year. I noticed that I got extremely emotionally attached to a female friend, and for about a month after I considered that it might be a crush, I couldn't figure out whether I liked her platonically or romantically. For me, though, it became pretty obvious when I thought she was interested in a guy. I literally ran to my room and bawled my eyes out for three hours. Yeah, I probably wouldn't have reacted that way if I was only interested in her as a friend.

    I can completely relate to previously only fantasizing about guys but lacking any emotional attraction to them. Have you heard of the term lithromantic? It means that you are romantically attracted to someone but have no desire to have it reciprocated. I've come to the conclusion that this is how I feel about men, and I think you might relate to it, too, because you mentioned having fleeting crushes on men.
     
    #5 Tetraquark, Jun 28, 2013
  6. nymphicushollan

    nymphicushollan
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    Thank you all for replying. When I think about it more, I find that I do tend to notice girls more so than guys. And looking back, I realized that the girls I really wanted to get to know and spend time with, I probably had crushes on, I just didn't really know it at the time.

    So now I wonder, how would I go about dating then? I'm not experienced at all, and I don't want to disrespect any girls by making them think I only want to experiment. How do I go about telling a girl I want to date them, when I'm still a bit unsure if I'm bi or not? I feel like I'd just scare them off with my inexperience since I've never really dated before :\
     
    #6 nymphicushollan, Jul 4, 2013
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