Hey, So before I get into the actual question I'm going to give a little run-down of my past relationships. So, I'm a 15 Year-Old Boy and I've always had an attraction to the Ladies. I shared my first kiss with Girl when I was 7 or 8. I had my first proper relationship with a Girl when I was 10, and I've had several other relationships since and they've all been with Girls. So, I'm currently going into 4th Year of Secondary School (High School) and I've had this crush on this girl who, since I won't name, I'll call Bee. When I first layed my eyes on her in 1st Year I really, really, actually fell in love. Everything about her was perfect. Her hips, her breasts, her curves, her hair, her sparkling eyes, her exotic features-- I just found everything about her unique and beautiful, especially her personality since she wasn't a slut and didn't sleep around like other Girls in my year. So, last year we had our 'Christmas Exams' and to my right sat Bee, when I finished every exam I'd look over and see her drawing a picture or reading a book since she finished first. I know I was being a bit creepy but I couldn't take my eyes off of her. After every exam I'd talk to her and tell her a few jokes, she'd laugh and agree with what I had to say which made me happy. So, let me say that I'm a popular enough fella, I'm on the Football and Hurling teams and I basically get along with everyone, but, I really only have 5 really, really close friends. So, one of my normal friends who I'm not very close with who I'll call Jas is also on the hurling team and we are quite pally. Always cracking jokes, talking by the lockers, talking in the hallway, talking in the locker-room. He sat across away from me in the exams and I secretly passed him answers since he's not the brightest tool in the box So, since my other Friends were doing totally different exams then I was, I was stuck walking home with Jas and another one of my friends Aar, we'd get to Aar's house first and Aar would leave Jas and I. So, over the week an' a bit of exams I grew kinder of closer to Jas since we talked about more personal subjects then our usual mindless banter. But, the other night while watching Porn, I looked at the man and I looked at the woman and a thought popped into my head. What if Jas was the man and I was the woman. I was shocked because it was actually the first gay thought I like-- ever. And I got carried away so much that I made up a scenario of me being the last one left in the locker-room and Jas would come in from Hurling, he'd be muddy and sweat and he'd only be wearing his shorts and then, and then, and-- We'd both have sex. I totally got off at imagining me sucking him off or him sucking me of, but, when the thought of 'Anal Sex' crossed my mind I stopped. No offence to anyone of the LGBT community out there, but I found the thought of his dick entering my ass a bit petrifying and disgusting. So, after the short Christmas break, we all came back and I don't know what was up, but, Jas kept on coming over to me and acting very weird sayin' "Your Ass is Fine", "Want To Get In My Van?", and "Wanna Gangbang"-- now of course I know he was joking because he'd burst into laughter and then everyone around us would burst into laughter-- but, when he came over to me to say these things he'd wrap his arms around my waist and that'd turn me on big time. So, now it's the Summer Vacations and when we get back in a few months I plan on asking Bee out, but then the thought comes to mind of me being with Jas. I mean, I really like Bee and I've fantasized about her on many occasion, but now I also fantasize about Jas almost as much as I did with Bee. I just feel-- I just feel so confused. My parents are accepting of Homosexuality, but I just don't know what to think of myself-- one minute I say to myself 'I'm Straight', the other I think 'Oh, I'm Totally Gay", and then the other times I get thoughts that maybe this is a phase, maybe I'm bi-curious, maybe I'm bi-sexual. Now everywhere I go my sexuality is always on my mind, if I see a cute girl I can see me fuckin' her and if I see a cute guy I can see me giving him a BJ or vice-versa. I'd really like some advice or help because I'm so confused right now. I see my friends getting on with their life and then this thought of who or what I am is dragging me down. I'm just really confused about what gender I like, I'd be perfectly fine with being Gay (Apart From The Anal Part)-- but, I just have so many feelings rushing and pumping inside me that I don't know who or what I am. :icon_sad: Thanks Guys, and I really appreciate whoever answers.
First off welcome to the forum. I hope that we can help. On to your situation, from what I've read I don't think that you're totally gay. The way you described Bee seems very authentic. Of course this doesn't exclude other possibilities. On the one hand it's very possible that you're just curious but at the same time you might also be bisexual. I can't tell you which one is which but I can give you a few pointers. The first is that not liking anal sex is perfectly natural. Believe it or not a third of gay men in relationships don't even do it. Plus it takes getting used to for anyone. Either way don't let anal sex distract you because it doesn't really have that much to do with your sexuality. Another tip is that bisexuality isn't always 50/50. My twin brother is 90g/10s and you might be any kind of combination or none at all. The last tip is this: Can you see yourself in love with a guy for the long haul? If the answer is yes then you might be a little more than just curious.
Hey, Thanks for the reply I appreciate it. Thanks for the tips, I didn't even know that a lot of Gay Guys dislike Anal Sex. I've been thinking that I may be leaning towards Bisexuality. I've given all of my thoughts justice, so to speak, and I compared them to find out which orientation I am. Although I'm still really confused about the whole "Am I Gay Or Not" stuff, but I've been recently think of the possibility of Bisexuality being what I am. And to answer your last point/question. I gave it a lot of thought and I could see myself going on a date with a Guy, but when it comes to a long-term relationship I don't know. I can see myself being with a Girl for the long-haul, but I have to think about it more for Guys. I'm not so sure on having a Boyfriend, or eventually a Husband. I've got to give it some more thought and see if I can see myself being with a Guy in the future but right now I just find some Guys sexually attractive, while I find Girls sexually and romantically attractive. Thanks! :]
