So, hello. I'm Amity, I'm 23. A little backstory before I start. I've always liked boys. I grew up in a strict Catholic environment. Liking boys was expected. But I never really liked seeing half naked men. I was never attracted to it, like my friends were. In fact, my closet is filled with half- naked women. I've always thought women were better to look at. Prettier and softer. But the idea of myself with a woman had never crossed my mind. It was never talked about as a child, though I've met gay men before outside of home, and had never seen anything wrong with it. Actually, I had adopted a 'live and let live motto' when I was 11 (much to the chagrin of my family). Anyway, the reason I didn't see myself romantically involved with a girl was, not just my environment, but also mostly because I had developed an eating disorder at a really young age, and every girl I met felt like a competition on who was skinnier. Even my friends. Especially my friends. It was very bad. I inwardly felt that every girl, especially the pretty girls, were my enemy. Just recently have I felt fully recovered. I can finally look at myself in the mirror and feel good about myself. And just recently have I started to see women in a different way. Sure, I've always thought they were pretty, and I envied (and maybe hated) the hell out of most of them, but damn. Now I realize that they're really, really pretty. And I felt myself sexually attracted to them. It was shocking. I thought maybe I'm bicurious. Don't a lot of girls go through phases like this? So I didn't think about it. Until a couple of months ago, I met this girl. I met her online and we've skyped multiple times. I'm always really excited when we talk, and giddy, and I'm so attracted to her personality and who she is. Many times I find myself fantasizing about hugging her tightly, and going out with her, and all these silly, little things I've only ever thought to do with guys. The idea of kissing her makes me nervous, in a 14-year-old kind of way. Though dating isn't new to me, as I've dated guys before. And it's really scary. I'm scared of myself, and my feelings. I've played with the thought that maybe I just like the idea of her: cute, smart, funny, and strong. But I really have no idea. And either way, I've never had this kind of relationship with a girl. She texts me nearly everyday, and she likes talking to me right before she falls asleep -- about everything and nothing in particular. Is that normal? I actually have no idea if she even feels the same. Or I'm just delusional. Sorry, I sound a bit lost. Is it possible though? To really like someone of my own gender even though I never thought about it? Am I bisexual? Is she a special case? And how can you tell if a girl likes you? Wow, it sounds like a high school question, but I'm so new to this. And how do I find out if she even likes me in that way?
It's possible that it's a phase. But it doesn't sound like it, since you were this way as a kid. Being scared of something doesn't mean it's not your nature--I still feel really uncomfortable identifying as one of "the gays."
It is most definitely possible to have romantic feelings for a female even though you had never given the idea thought before. The same thing happened to me in late high school/early college. I became sexually attracted to my best friend, who was also female. I had never wanted a relationship with a girl before her and I had always identified as straight. In my situation the idea of her being a special case crossed my mind as well, but the more I thought about my past and how I think about women I realized that she was not just a special case. I now proudly identify as a pansexual. I don't know if she is a special case for you or not, but it sounds like you have always enjoyed women, which would indicate that you are probably bisexual or even maybe a lesbian. The last two questions are tough to answer. All girls are slightly different in the ways they exhibit their attraction. I actually ended up kissing my best friend before I told her I had feelings for her. Though it worked out well for me, we dated for a year and a half, I do not recommend that approach. Do you know if the girl you are interested in is even open to being with women?
