I assume people here know about HOCD -- when a straight person becomes obsessed with the possibility that they might be gay. Well, I have sort of the opposite problem. I have an extreme obsession with and fear of actually being straight. It's so bad that it's to the point where I can barely function anymore. Some days it's all I can think about from the time I wake up to when I go to bed at night, and it's ruining my life. I was starting to feel fairly comfortable with my identity of being bisexual. However, I've been looking up a lot of stuff the past few days and I keep reading of "completely straight" women who are sexually attracted to other women, fantasize about them and only them, look at lesbian porn, make out and even have sex with other women. Am I the only one that thinks that's a bit much? The looking at lesbian porn, OK, I get that that doesn't necessarily indicate your sexuality -- just because you like watching two people have sex doesn't mean you'd want to get with them yourself, or enjoy the act in real life. But wouldn't everything else indicate at least some measure of bisexuality? Especially the "having sex with other women" bit. It just makes me sick to my stomach to think that I might be just a "straight girl" after all. It may sound ridiculous that I'm so stressed over all this, but the truth is it is really debilitating and I don't think people realize how debilitating it can be. It's to the point where I've been obsessively looking for a girlfriend in hopes that maybe that'll help me feel more comfortable and assured of my sexuality.
Hey there friend! Listen I have the exact same OCD and am going through a similar crisis as you. I spend almost hours a day "testing" myself to see how gay I am and I have totally become obsessed with my sexuality and the fear of being straight. But here's the thing I do to calm myself down: I ask myself if I'm sexually attracted to woman. The answer is yes. Would I be in a long term relationship and marry a woman? Yes. I feel like the whole reason we worry so much is just cause of our anxiety. I have anxiety so I mean perhaps it's just my anxiety making me paranoid by making me worry about something very important to me. Try seeing a sexuality therapist or there are therapists that also deal in Gay/lesbian issues and OCD We'll get through this together *hugs*
Still another thing--I keep wishing (fervently, even) that I was gay. I'm pan, but somehow, that doesn't seem to be sufficient for my brain, it keeps striving to be full-out gay. Somehow, in a way I can't explain, it just feels like it's right for me. Like, were I to examine a completely anonymous person with the traits I possess and the thought patterns that I have, I would conclude "he must be gay". Weird, huh?
I have the same problem as well. At first I identified as gay. Then I came out and no one believed me. Then I started checking if I'm gay or not. Then I started getting very bad false attraction. I identified as bi for a year or two. When my false attractions got bad I started questioning whether I'm actually bi. I know that I'm more attracted to girls, but I find it very hard to tell false attractions apart from real attraction.
I'm going through the same thing except opposite. Growing up I was straight very strongly attracted to women. But my ocd changed things I've been suffering on and off for 7 years. It's got so bad that I just came out to my shrink today and broke down in tears. It's the worst thing imaginable obsessing over something you can never figure out. Even if you do your brain won't accept it. My case is weird. I used to be strongly sexually attracted to females then over night at 18 that died and I felt asexual, 7 years later it's come back and 3 months ago I started to be attracted to guys. I can't work out if it's false attractions or not. I can't find a label that fits. It's not to tell people but peace of mind. I wouldn't wish this curse in my worst enemies. See if I was obsessing about being straight it would be a blessing but that's just me. See a shrink and try get on Sertraline, it may help
I can relate to a lot of these feelings for both men and women - talk about confusing. What exactly is false attraction?
False attraction is when you think you're attracted to someone, but you're not. It usually happens like this. 1. "I just noticed an attractive person I shouldn't be attracted to." 2. "Oh no! I think they're attractive. I hope I'm not attracted to them." 3. The person starts to get anxious and thinks the anxiety is attraction. 4. "Oh no! I'm attracted to this person! I'd better not get turned on by them." 5. The person may experience groinal response, which is basically feeling a sensation down there, but not actually getting aroused. It's easy to confuse this with arousal.
Why would you fear being straight? It's much easier for you that way. Sure, straight couples a lot less CUUUTE than lesbians, but you'll get to meet a boy, have kids and cure your mother's heart condition if she hasn't died from a coming out-induced heart attack yet.
When you have OCD your fears just aren't rational. I'm not the original poster, but I'll tell you why I'm scared of being straight or bi. I don't just like the idea of being with a guy. I just get turned off by the idea of being submissive to a guy. I also hate kissing guys. I've tried it and it just felt wrong and a bit gross. I'm also very scared of coming out as gay and discovering I'm just straight or bi. That would make all the people who questioned my sexuality right. I really don't want them to be right. I want to prove ignorant people wrong. I want to prove that not all feminine girls are straight or bi. Even though I don't like the idea of being gay or dealing with homophobes I kind of like the idea of being gay kind of makes me feel strong and independent. I don't care about having kids because it's too much work and I'd probably be a bad mom anyways.
I'm not a dominant girl, I just don't like guys dominating me. I disagree with this. I think way too many people are pressured into being parents. I don't think the world needs more bad parents.
Just gonna be the one to jump in with this, but it's actually called "primary obsessive OCD". What you are describing isn't really the opposite, it's just picking what's called a different "theme". "HOCD" is internet slang.
Hey! I would say to go to a therapist with your OCD and talk about it - There is no shame in getting help As for your other question, the only requirement for being bi is having sexual, emotional, and romantic attraction to both sexes. However, be careful of the false attraction your OCD may give you. If you want to be more sure of your sexuality, getting help for the OCD will probably be necessary! Sexuality is not what you want it to be though, I'm afraid. But really, you shouldn't have so much emphasis on to what gender you love - You should be just enjoying to love whoever you love when you feel it! No matter straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, or demisexual; It's all good :icon_wink However, you may have trouble seeing that because your OCD, but again, get help!! And if you ever want to talk, I'm here
