What are you thinking?

I wish I wasn't so shy when it comes to talking to people. Ugh! it makes me so mad and I always end up regretting that I didn't do anything. :bang:

 

What's so funny bro?

 

Ugh my internet is acting so slow, it's annoying. ¬¬

 

If I could choke my internet connection... I would.

 

Today is one of those days where I wish I could just run away from everything. Absolutely everything.

 

Mind if I join you?

Of course, you couldn't run away from everything if I were there running with you.

 

yeah....mum's the worst person i've ever met.

she comes home this morning, takes care of the cats in the sheds, then she goes out to the dryer to put shit in it and that's when the explosion happened. of her goin crazy tho i mean, unfortunately.

cuz she pulls out the lint catcher thing, and she just goes into one of the worst rages i've heard (i was in bed, but i kept myself under my covers and silent the whole time). cuz the lint catcher thing has really fallen apart and it's been gettin progressively worse over several months, maybe over a year, and she knows it's been fallin apart, i've told her a few times we need a new one, but she always said that she didn't want to get a plastic one cuz it'd just happen again. that's all she ever said, she never did anything to get a new one.

anyway, so i guess this is the first time in a while she's actually used the dryer herself, and yeah, she thinks it's all my fault the lint thing's a mess. i think she thinks i ripped it apart. right. okay, cuz i don't have anything better to do. fucking bitch. it's not like with it already initially fallin apart months ago, and then us still usin it by pullin it in and out of the thing, it's not like that's what's fucked it up. if i tried tellin her that she would never listen. she would never believe it.

and she's raging and callin' me a bitch in a totally gendered way(i know she'd never call anyone she saw as a guy a bitch) and i hear her goin back and forth from the dryer shed room-then the toy room-then my room- then into the kitchen, just goin around cussin me out like crazy, slammin doors as hard as possible, sayin i destroy everything she owns(that's a fuckin lie but whatever) sayin i make her life miserable (lol okay bitch, that's bullshit. you'd think i'm some horrible kid or sumthin, but i'm not. she's the one who makes life more miserable than it has to be but again whatever).

She's just screamin the whole time, it's fuckin awful, i stay on the floor on my bed, no way i'm gonna try to defend myself, she won't believe i didn't do anything to the lint thing anyway. Reason and logic don't work with her. she's screamin not to use the dryer ever again blah blah blah, eventually she goes into her room, and i just cry into my pillow for awhile.

then i think she finally leaves--thank god--and i finally at some point go back to sleep after decidin that i'm definitely not gonna stay here, i'm definitely not tellin her i'm goin on T, and i'll try and wait it out here for several or a few months and then go live with dad. cuz i just can't stay here, and yeah, when she figures out i'm on T yeah i think she'll kick me out(i mean if she's goin nuts over shit like a lint catcher, i mean i think it's very likely she'll flip over T lol), so i dunno that's prolly when i go live with dad. unless i get out sooner.

i mean cuz i can't just go live with dad in june when he drives up for court and leave with him when he goes back. cuz i gotta stay with the Borum and get my bloodwork done with them for a few months at least, so they can make sure everything's stabilised and all that. and if i got to TN, they'll get me set up with people who'll do my blood and everything there.

and maybe anyway after months of waitin it out here, dad might get a roofin job in boston and that would work out even better and i could keep goin to the Borum.

so yeah, i think i got a therapist from South Bay, they left a message and it was all fucked up, couldn't make really anything out, but i caught their name, so i'll just call south bay and explain and ask about them. And so i'll do therapy with this therapist for my social anxiety, and i'll still try and get a job here. I think i'll apply to another McD's and if i get an interview just somehow get myself to go unlike last time...and yeah just wait it out here and just yeah....

and i hate her. i truly fuckin do. and there's no doubt she hates me. but whatever, i can't wait til i'm outta here.

 

Yesterday I'd have considered joining you.

Ask me tomorrow if I want to pack my bags at this time.

 

Right? If this wasn't a two day altercation I would have thought that I imagine it. I could see being approached by loud obnoxious individuals when strolling down the street at night or out at clubs, but to having that experience in and across a parking lot of a campus just baffles me. I don't know if someone was pulling a prank and I just happened to be around. Actually, I would much prefer that to be the case, because if there really is another guy than things will only continue to get creepier as I have no idea who he is.

 

Still waiting on my island condo. :eusa_shif

Those Gnerd forces of yours maybe up to annexing Bermuda?

 

Maybe. We're busy.

 

With something terrifically important, no doubt. Like standardizing the proper salutation in the presence of Gnerd officer personnel. (This guy's close, but not quite there: .) :lol:

 

If you had that power, I'd give you permission to do the same to mine.

 

Once again am wondering when my mother will go up to bed..... :dry:

 

What the hell is sooooo horrible about pine tar in baseball?

 

My friends seem to discuss me having sex with other girls when I'm not around.

The most I've ever done is kiss a girl. They are discussing my sex life that doesn't even exist.

 

I hate having Social Anxiety. It eats away at me even when interacting with people online. I can't even muster up the courage to start a friendship with people online...99% of the time the person has to come to me first; and don't get me started what it's like trying to make friends in person. The constant wondering if people are judging me for what I say, or if I'm annoying to others...it's getting real old. I want it to go away. :<

 

Why do people believe that giving logical answers is being a smart-ass? No, dear, I'm just being smart. I'm sorry that your ego is in critical condition right now, but I just constructed a reasonable thought. That's all.

 

She comes home before work, i keep myself outta sight in my room next to the kitchen where she's puttin shit in the recyclin things, and then she's askin of the shed's closed, and then she's tellin me not to use her dryer in her stupid mean cold ass voice. And i'm just like silent, i don't even bother tryin to defend myself, there's no point. if i tried sayin anything she would've just started screamin over me or sumthin.....

and she's sayin shit like of the house burns down it's my fault. it's like fuck you, how would me usin the dryer cause a fire? one, that lint catcher bein messed up isn't my fault, two i cleaned out the grill thing within the dryer a week or so ago and got out a lot of lint so huh, all i've done is help prevent a fire and make the dryer dry shit better again. but whateva, she's just a dumb stupid bitch, no reason or logic, a complete irrational monster of a person.

When i get outta here, jesus it's gonna be the best thing next to T. I'll be ditchin this bitch of a house and all these muthafuckin cats, won't have to deal with their nasty asses anymore, won't have to deal with her insanity. just take my two cats, all my shit, and i'll be outta here. that's what's keepin me from just spiralin into hopelessness, just give it some more time, a few more months, and it'll be golden.

 

I would love to kiss Gillian Anderson. At least once.