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Early stages if first lesbian relationship, my gf is older and not out.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Blueeyed1985, Jul 24, 2014.

  1. Blueeyed1985

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Glasgow
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I met my gf a few months ago, we clicked instantly. We text constantly, when we are together we are inseparable. Things seem a bit different, I feel like she's pulling back a bit now. She is 38 and I'm 28, she's not out and I came out recently. I don't want to ask her what's up incase she runs a mile. Coming out has been really overwhelming for me. As I said when we're together we're inseparable to the point people look at us as if to say get a bloody room as she constantly touches me, kisses me and wants to hold me. My head is everywhere. I don't want to come on too strong to her but wondering if I might have.
     
  2. HTBO

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    Did you come out while the two of you have been together? That may scare her, or she could be afraid that since you are now out you will expect her to do the same or you will leave because she's not out. If you guys have become close quickly, that could have scared her as well. If you feel like she's pulling back, then she may have and I understand the difficultly in whether to determine why. I suggest that you reassure her that your coming out will not affect your relationship in case that is her concern and if that is how you feel and just go with what she is comfortable with. I do suggest trying to talk to her about it. You can tell her you've noticed she's quieter lately and if something is bothering her you are willing to listen. This way she knows you have noticed, you are open to discussing, but it doesn't put pressure on her either. I know with myself, if I begin liking someone too much I pull back because I'm afraid of getting hurt. I'm working on it, but some things turn into habits and it's how I react.
     
  3. Blueeyed1985

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Yeah that's how I feel, I don't want to be hurt. I told her that I'd never pressure her into coming out, it was something that only she could do if and when she was ready. She has been with women before me but says that she's never had the connection like this, so it's a relationship first for both of us. She is really great but I'm terrified of being hurt :/
     
  4. HTBO

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    Do you think maybe it's you who is pulling back but it seems like it's her? I think that happens to me sometimes, it's really me pulling back but I think it's the other person. I've recently decided to try to stop doing that because I will never really be close with anyone unless I let it happen. Try to let go of your fears, maybe talk about them instead.
     
  5. Blueeyed1985

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Glasgow
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm going to hers at the weekend so I'll talk to her then. Thanks for the advice xx