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Straight Crush on BFF

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Tardis221B, Jul 25, 2014.

  1. Tardis221B

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    So I'm going to do something emotionally dangerous for myself, but I think its necessary that I do it in order to fully accept my attraction to women. Don't worry I'm not planning on confessing my love to my best friend, but I'm going to let myself fully acknowledge that I'm falling in love with her.

    I have huge crush on my best friend of 6, almost 7 years. I've probably had these feelings for a very long time, but I've been refusing to acknowledge that they exist. Bad thing to do, I know. Anyways when I first entertained the possibility in March, I told myself that I just fabricated these feelings, like I used to do with my crushes on men. This caused me to be trapped in this strange state of limbo of actually liking her, but consciously thinking it was just a trick I was playing on myself. I'm still not entirely convinced that this isn't all just a trick I'm playing on myself, despite the fact that all of the signs of love and attraction are there.

    My plan to help myself get over this hurdle of self acceptance is to write letter to her confessing my love, however I will NEVER send it to her or show it anyone else.

    I'm hoping that by fully expressing my feelings for her I can be more accepting of my overall attraction to women. It's a long shot I know, but I think that in order to fully accept myself I need to be 100% honest, even if that means accepting an attraction that will break my heart.

    Does this sound like a bad idea?
     
    #1 Tardis221B, Jul 25, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2014
  2. Peacemaker

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    i think its a GREAT idea, i think it can help you accept your attractions
     
  3. PrettyConfused

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    That's definitely a good idea. It'd definitely help you to writes these feelings down and express it in such a way that it would allow you to accept who you are and the feelings you have for her. Hope writing the letter helps!
     
  4. Monraffe

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    It won't work, I'm sorry. The truth is you are trapped in an impossible situation to which there is just no solution. Situations like this inevitably work their way toward some kind of closure, they have to, but seven years is a really long time to hold out on secret love. You must have gone through a lot in that period of time and I'm thinking you must be a very devoted friend too, which makes it doubly sad that this situation is standing in your way of writing real love letters to real lovers.

    You need to accept closure on this situation, put it behind you and move on. Even if that means not being able to stay friends. You can make someone a great partner with the devotion you possess, don't let it go to waste like this. You must let this just end.
     
  5. Tardis221B

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    @PrettyConfused and Peacemaker, thank you so much for your support and encouragement. I really appreciate it (*hug*)

    I just spent like 3 hours typing out that letter on a password protected word document, and it definitely has helped. Even though fully accepting these feelings have made me sad, and a little depressed I can now work on moving on from these feelings instead of avoiding them. I need to just remind myself that I'm blessed to have her as friend. And even if I have feelings for her it's impossible for her to feel the same way for me, and therefore it would be unfair to ever expect her to reciprocate those feelings. . . wow, crushes on straight friends are awful.

    @Monraffe, I appreciate your tough love.
    I don't know how long I've had feelings for her as I've only recently realized I'm attracted to women, and then shortly after entertained the idea that I have feelings for her. But I don't plan on cutting her out of my life. She is my best friend, but still we respect each other's space. We each have our own circles of friends and the two of us meet once or twice a week at college to catch up. And over the summer we only see each other a few times.

    And don't worry in my circle of friends I've got my guy best friend who I can talk to. He's actually the only friend I'm out to in real life. Anyways thanks for your concern, I appreciate that your looking out for me (&&&) (*hug*)
     
  6. littlemonster11

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    I agree, it's a great way to come to terms with your feelings. Having a crush on a straight friend is always difficult, so venting, even to a word document, is definitely beneficial. I wish I had an outlet when I was going through the same situation as you.

    I hope the writing helps!
     
  7. silverlining7

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    I had the same problem, except that my best friend is gay. I was extremely confused at the time, I accept that I'm gay myself and I feel like I've been blind and now I can see. I wrote a note to my best friend, I couldn't just say I was gay to his face, so I wrote a three paged note and actually gave it to him. I also wrote in it that I had a crush on him.

    He's been in my family for a couple years, my mom sort of unofficially adopted him as her non-biological son. I've known him for about seven years now, and I've loved him like a brother for the past year or so.

    Anyways, he hasn't acknowledged the note, I feel like I know he's read it, but I think he won't act on it. Hopefully my story helps you. I hope things work out for the best.
     
  8. sarahpenny02

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    this sounds like a good idea and im really proud of you for doing the healthy thing and not burying your feelings. I wish you the best of luck