Homophobic best friend, how do I come out to him?

My best friend has been with me through the worst possible situation in my life and fully supported me. He's completely different to me and a bit of an nihilistic asshole, but he's my best friend, regardless.

Even so, I've been hiding a secret all this time from him and now it has come to the point where it is unbearable. Recently I accepted myself as gay, I've been coming out to some of my friends and close acquaintances, it has been beautiful as all of them have been incredibly surprised but accepting.

He is still the one person I'd like to come out to - but he's been homophobic all his life. He's demonstrated this through his words and actions. He still believes that I'm straight and he continues to show my pictures of naked girls, talk to me about girls and I truly feel annoyed now because I'd just love to tell him "Dude I'm gay."

I've recently been ignoring him every-time he shows me a girl or talks about them, perhaps giving him hints and yet he doesn't seem to get it. I feel like I'm lying to him and myself, regardless of everything, do ya'll think I should sit down and chat with him? I'm slightly afraid of losing him, but then again if he doesn't accept him than such a friend he was... that's easier said :bang:than done, though, in reality I'm afraid it will hurt more than I think... to lose him.

 

Thanks for your support. I believe its best if we see face-to-face, I don't think I can properly explain myself through a text message or something similar, in this situation I do believe that us sitting down for awhile might be much better. Hell, it has been really hard explaining to people why I'm guy and coming out after all this time, can't imagine through text.

Hopefully my best friend is like yours! It would be awesome if he had that reaction, I'm thinking he might, but will be truly shocked and will need time to recover. Well, I'm sure this will happen before next week. Wish me luck! :eusa_danc

 

That is true, now I'm even more nervous!

UPDATE: Today he actually posted something on facebook saying that a man who is GAY hasn't been to the gym lately and seen beautiful women. That post is making me even more apprehensive about coming out to him, and yet I'm actually wondering if I even care anymore. I'm up to the point where if I lose his friendship over him being homophobic, I'm not sure I'll actually care.

So I was hoping to tell him this week. Should I wait a while longer, or should I simply get it off my chest?

 

Wish me luck! I'm ready!

 

In spanish it'll read like this "Tengo algo que compartir contigo, soy gay." It sounds a lot worse. :lol: But maybe you're right, I think I'm overthinking it, perhaps he won't overeact. Let's see how it goes, he still hasn't come to my house so I won't know yet.

---------- Post added 1st Aug 2014 at 08:32 AM ----------

So true! :icon_wink That actually makes me feel better knowing that I'm caring less and less about if he stops being my friend, because of that little issue. I can't wait to tell you how it went!

 

Alright, I did it! I almost had a heart-attack when he called me saying he's coming to my house. I knew that the moment was right. Let's make this story a bit long:

We went to my room, as usual and once he started to talk about girls, I knew that I had to tell him. I simply said "I have to tell you something, really personal." He laughed, probably thought I was going to tell him something about a new project I had planned, but then I told him I was gay - just like that... his face fell to the floor, he appeared to have lost breath and held his eyes with his fingers. He was shocked, but I think that's an understatement. I had never seen him tearful, he was almost about to cry. His father brought him up in such a way, that he thinks crying is for weak people so that says a lot.

So then the questions began, and I think he eventually got it. He said that I've been a friend to him for a long time and I've always respected him, so he appeared to be understanding, especially when I told him I've always been like this, he's always had the view that it's a choice. Also, he knows I've had sex with 5 different girls in the past 8 months, so I had to explain how my penis simply didn't function well and that I had to force myself to enjoy it but was unhappy.

He did make it clear he doesn't like gays, but then I asked him why and he said the way that they are, and then I said "Am I like that?" Obviously I'm not the stereotypical gay he thinks of.

He also mentioned that he doesn't know how he would react to seeing me with a man, but I simply said - "give it time, I know that I'm the one to change your view on homosexuals, it's not what you think." He did mention that he views it as disgusting, once, but I mean... what can I expect? He's homophobic, and yet... after talking to him a long time, he appeared to sympathize to the point where I believe that he stopped caring. I'm guessing he took time to reflect.

He also said the he had a suspicion I was gay for the past 2-3 years, because in his mind gays are intelligent and really formal, and that I am too intelligent, open minded and talk really formally.

Overall, it was better than I had expected and after I told him, he stayed for an extra two hours in my house, talking and doing the same things we've always done. So, perhaps in those two hours he noticed that I am the same person I've always been and nothing is going to change. I think it'll take a long time, but eventually it appears he will truly accept me.

Update: I thought he wouldn't talk to me for a long time, but as soon as he got to his house he talked to me about the Iraq-Palestinian conflict and what I thought about it. So it appears that his shock didn't last a long time.

 

Exactly. He was a bit confusing though. First he said they were too loud, then too intelligent, then odd... everything screamed misinformation. At least he got the intelligent and creative part right.

 

Video game lover: I agree. I think I'm the one to change his mind, because I truly believe that his lack of exposure to gay people has affected his ignorant mind. He will change, it'll just take time.

Calgary: I'm not afraid of telling my straight friends, since most are pretty tolerant and open people, but my best friend was a whole 'nother story. Thanks a lot for your support!

 

Thanks