Does my friend think of me as more than a friend?

Very interesting weekend, to say the least...

The day of the trip he called me and told me to come over and hang out with him before heading off. We had a nice time, with the usual insults and hugging and whatnot. Then we went off to camp.

Our first interesting conversation was when he said "so why do you think I have two split personalities?" And I said "I dunno well there's one where you try to act cool... And then this where you're more goofy and silly" and he said "well we're different with everyone right? I guess you bring out my weirdness. And actually there's a reason why you think that but you're wrong" and he eventually opened up and said "lately I've lost all my confidence so I'm using it as a cover up... The smoking and I guess acting cool" and I said "but why?" And he said "I love and appreciate what I have but I hate who I am" and I asked "why?" And he said "I dunno figure it out"

And then basically what this weekend was, was camp. Most of it was a long meeting where everyone sat inside, with the occasional breaks, and then there was the night portion where everyone just relaxed. I noticed that, during meetings, he purposely didn't sit near me but would scratch his face or whatever and then look at me.

During breaks or the time we had off after meetings, he would follow me around. And as a joke he would say things like "why am I always around you?" If I went off to my cabin on my own he would yell out my name, suggesting to wait for him to catch up. If I wasn't doing something, he would tap me on my shoulder and tell me to accompany him to the bathroom or the cabin or wherever.

During meetings whenever I would whisper something to the girl next to me he would lean in, smile and laugh and say "what? What'd you say?"

There was one time where we were sitting in our cabins and there was one other guy in there. While the other guy was talking we were smiling and staring and silently jokingly insulting each other, and he would cover his face with his phone along with his hand, to jokingly hide from me, and then would poke his head out. We were all urged to head to the main cabin and he told me to come and I said "go just go" and he would sit and say "no." And I was just on my phone and I said "go I'm not going" and he said "fine" and then as he walked out he said "bye" and then turned off the lights. And I said "turn it back on." And he turned it back on and did the same thing a good few times

Then there was an instance where we were both lying down in our beds and he randomly said "(my name) I love you" and I said "what?" And he quietly said "I love you." And then I didn't say anything back and he said "(my name) I love you." And then I didn't say anything back. He said "dick" and then he said "(my name) I love you, alright?" And then the convo ended from there.

Then there was a night where we all decided to drink. I lost him for a few minutes but I enjoyed my time just with others and then I see him approaching me and he said "(my name) I just chugged half a bottle. We're drinking. I missed you a lot." And then he hugged me multiple times and we went to drink. We were having a good time but then thoughts entered my mind and then my mood was completely killed. He noticed it and was still trying to get my attention. He approached me and said "let's drink" and we had our cups filled up and I said "actually I don't feel like drinking this I can't" and he said "are you serious? Why?" And I said "I don't know I'm not in the mood..." And he said "so I have to drink by myself? Fine." And I said "yeah I guess sorry" and then walked away.

We were near each other the whole time but I wasn't conversing with him. He would be doing something with his other friends and then would pass by me as I was standing and watching someone give a speech and he would hastily pass by and say "hi." along his way. And then he did it again and said "shut up." this time.

I was feeling down in the dumps so I was the first one to head to sleep. One of my friends came inside my cabin to hang out and then he came inside the cabin and I know for a fact that it was because of me because he was drunk and is a social person (I am too, but he's more comfortable with this crowd than I am). He then tried sitting next to me in my bunk and looking at me to see if I would look back and he would ask me dumb questions to see if I would respond and I would just give cold responses.

We were supposed to be up by 10 am in the main cabin and breakfast was being served an hour earlier. He woke me up at 9:30 telling me to come and I said "I'm skipping the meeting" and he said "yeah me too I'm just getting breakfast then leaving" and then I tried falling asleep. When I wasn't fully asleep he came back into our cabin. We shared it with one of our higher ups and he brought in a plate of food and the higher up said "what are you doing? There's no food allowed down here." And he said "I like-" and he said "if he wants breakfast he can wake up and get it himself." And he was saying "it doesn't matter it's not a big deal I don't see why you're making this a big deal everyone saw me getting food and didn't say anything." And the higher up said "fine if you're gonna be this difficult about food then so be it." and he left.

When I "woke up" I ate the food and I went back to sleep. When we were both awake at the same time he asked me if I ate the food and I said "yeah thanks" and he said "sick I thought you didn't eat it!" and he looked at the plate and complained when I left an excess of a certain type of food.

When other people came in the cabin he would randomly say "ey (higher up) came in and yelled at me for bringing food for (my name) and saying it's not allowed. And I was like "pfft ask me if I care.""

While I was being cold to him he would still follow me around or figure out where I went and would come a minute or two later. He came to the bathroom to "wash his hands" and my nose started bleeding and he said "your nose is bleeding?" And to tease me he would say "I decked him in the face, that's what happens when you mess with me" and then he would take pictures of me and laugh and then he stayed while no one else did and then we went back up to the main cabin.

For the next additional few hours where I was being cold, during meetings he would scratch his head and look in my direction. Whenever I passed by him and said "sorry for bumping into him he would say "oh oh okay okay" (referring to my coldness). And sometimes when he just left to go to the bathroom he'd say "I'm going but I'll be back okay" with a painful look on his face. Whenever he needed to go somewhere he would ask if I wanted to accompany him. And I was cold. There was one time where he asked to hang out in a certain spot and a few minutes in I didn't feel like it so I went to my cabin to sleep. He walked in twice. Once for, I don't know what reason, but he walked in, said "shut up," I didn't give a response, and then he sang some short stupid tune and then left. The second time he walked in and said "sup" and then said "what are you doing? Get up come on" and I said "I'm sleeping" and he said "hurry up I'm taking a selfie with you outside" and I just got up and took it and then things became normal again, aka super flirty.

During the meetings he would whisper my name and then we would do things like insult each other, mimic each others' gestures, mouth each others' sayings, say "I know my face is beautiful" if we stared at each other for too long, etc.

But a few times, he would mouth an "I love you" instead. Another time he blew a kiss. I blew it back. He caught it then rubbed it on his face. And we'd do things like that. Constantly teasing and staring.

During a meal (I wasn't sitting next to him on the last one) he would constantly turn around, smile, and tease and would randomly say "I love you" and then hug me, with our faces glued, his on my shoulder whilst rubbing my stomach.

Basically the entire weekend he would constantly tease me, especially the last few hours after I stopped giving the silent treatment. He would constantly do it. On our way to our cabin to pack up, he looked at me and smiled and I said "shut up" and he said "why do you have a crush on me?" And I said "I don't" and he said "yeah you do" and I said "okay why do you have a crush on me?" And he said "I don't have a crush on you." And then I said "okay if I have a crush on you then why do you hang out with me?" And he said "because I feel bad." And during packing he would tease me in front of other friends and when others were distracted and we were doing our usual teasing I kept saying "why are you saying that? I have a crush on you" or "why are you talking if you feel bad for me?" Etc. and slowly I started to mean it.

We left the camp together and in the car we would scratch and stare again. And one time he shook my hand and said "we did it" and I said "don't you feel bad for me?" And he said "no" And I pulled away. During the car ride home he would try to butt into conversations and I wouldn't personally respond and he would scratch and stare, like I already said. He said something stupid to me as he got dropped off just to see how i would feel if I was in that position.

Other than that, in general, it was a lot of random hugs and "I love you"'s... But I guess it ended in a semi-bad. I don't really know what to think. I probably forgot a lot and I'm really sorry.

 

Yep... I'm thinking he's either so straight that he's comfortable with his sexuality or he's not straight and he hates it.

I forgot to mention that when the last meeting was over he looked at me and said "wow if you were a girl I would make out with you over this news right now" and I gave him my usual look and he said "relax I said "if" okay"

And he wasn't interested in any girls at the campsite even though there were multiple that people were fawning over and the only comment he made was when a few of the guys were putting on cologne and he said "see you put it on your neck so when you kiss the girl she can smell it" (very stupidly obvious)...

I dunno. But I also told him in a joking manner that the friendship gives me anxiety and he agreed that lately it's been that way for him too.

 

I just realized that my last big post is very hard to understand in some parts because I wrote it right when I came back around 4 am or so, so sorry about that. I hate this a lot.

 

Yes... To all 3 questions. And he probably knows that I'm mad because of his "crush/feel bad for you" convo... So I mean... This is probably the next step...

---------- Post added 1st Sep 2014 at 10:58 PM ----------

And just a question in advance: when I tell him my feelings for him should I make a new thread or stay on this one?

 

I'm thinking he does have a crush on me... Because what straight guy would openly acknowledge another guy having a crush on them when they're the ones that are showing 99% of the affection? And every time I'm cold/giving him the silent treatment, I can tell that he can't stand it because he tries with all of his power to "win me over" in a sense and get it back to normal. Doesn't make too much sense to me

---------- Post added 2nd Sep 2014 at 11:46 PM ----------

I think it's pretty much the only possible next step, unless we see each other and pretend like nothing happened... Because I mean, come on he brought up me having a crush on him and then went back to being cold when he said "because I feel bad for you" so...

 

Saw him today. He was really awkward with me at first and I tried to avoid him but he kept following me around and trying to talk to me... So things are good now. And OF COURSE I didn't say anything, of course I didn't ask him to talk about our dysfunctional friendship, of course I didn't bring up the whole "why do you have a crush on me" thing.

I don't get it. He says something as weird as "why do you have a crush on me" and then is the one that tries to get things back to normal, he initiated every conversation tonight, and before I left he even said "we should have more one-on-ones."

And just a recap of the last time we saw each other:

Randomly says "why do you have a crush on me? Just like why"
"I don't have a crush on you"
"Yeah you do"
"Okay why do you have a crush on me?"
"I don't have a crush on you"
"Okay then why are you friends with me and why do you follow me around?"
"I dunno I feel bad for you"


And this week we had zero contact; in group messages we didn't say stuff to each other (we did once yesterday but it was one comment to each other) and today, the following, the staring, initiating convos, etc.

I dunno. Honestly his actions don't make sense and I want to ask him to talk about our dysfunctional friendship (or "relationship" as he likes to call it) but I dunno... It's so hard. He's so sweet to me and now he's saying he wants more one-on-ones... Even after the whole "why do you have a crush on me" thing