Question for gays and lesbians.

They were probably gay or lesbian before their relationship ended, but that was the little red flag that told them so. I have actually never been in a relationship with anyone, but I'm gay. However, there are plenty of people on here who have been in previous relationships that didn't work out due to their own sexuality.

 

I was in relationships with men before I realized I was a lesbian. I don't hate the opposite sex by any means and have a lot of guy friends, but my lack of attraction toward men made my romantic relationships with them very unstable and rather unpleasant.

 

I think that's a stereotype perpetuated by jokes that (usually) straight people make, like "Ugh, I'm done with men!" after a rough relationship or bout of dates.

I don't hate men, I have some guy friends and they are totally cool. I also get occasionally little nonsexual crushes on guys. I did have an extremely difficult relationship with a guy several years ago. My lack of sexual attraction to him was an issue for me, but it was a small issue and one at the time I thought I just needed to "work through" as I thought it was simply intimacy problems. But compared to the major problem of his severe depression along with my own mental health issues it was nothing. We "exploded" not because I'm gay but because our personal chemistry was explosive. Less to do with the fact that he was a man and more to do with the fact that he (and I) were both ill and I couldn't cope.

If anything I would say this speaks to him as a person, though, that despite my lack of attraction to most men I still really loved him and wanted to be with him. I'd say rather than being "turned off" by men because of that experience it was more like he was an exceptional guy that really got my attention and wrapped me up emotionally, unlike other men who were never able to grab me in that way.

 

Yup, same here.

 

A lot of people have a relationship with the opposite gender before they figure out they're gay. But the relationship didn't turn them gay, they always were.

 

Well, I don't know if what I'm about to tell is a rare case, but my first relationship ever was with a girl. I didn't even know I was lesbian, I just liked her so much and I was like - God, she must be special because I'm turning gay for her.
Nope, turns out I was gay from the start :]

 

I dated girls because I thought I was straight, not because I was attracted to them.

 

I thought that I was originally bi. I went on a few dates with girls, only to realize that I liked them as friends and would never get past that stage. So, it's possible I suppose.

 

nah

 

I was lesbian when I dated men, I dated guys because that's what I was taught to do, after a while you can't take being in denial and lying to yourself anymore.

 

I think a lot of times it's probably due to societal pressure related to a heteronormative environment. I don't think it is that they were "turned gay" by their experience and that is actually an outdated concept that people used to spout off. Being gay is an attraction and affinity for both emotional and physical aspects of the same sex and that cannot just be "created" due to a bad opposite sex relationship. Also, historically, there was a strong idea that entering in a heterosexual relationship would serve as a cover or some were so desperate to be heterosexual that they thought in time they would adjust. There are so many factors at play and individual experience are going to vary. Also, nowadays we understand the concept of fluid sexuality and that may perhaps give an appearance of "changing their orientation" to those on the outside (and without an understanding of fluid sexuality) but that is not truly the case.

It's assuming a false causal relationship to make the generalization.

 

I highly doubt many people here hate the opposite gender, they just don't desire sex and relationships with them.

 

I don't think it has anything to do with sexuality. They were probably gay beforehand and being with the opposite sex just made them discover it. I was never with a man, and I'm still a lesbian. And actually, contrary to this statement, I've had five ex-girlfriends, and most of them were emotionally abusive; yet I'm STILL a lesbian.

 

I have never been in a relationship before and growing up I had nothing but female friends until I was eleven or so, as a matter of fact when I first made male friends I was kind of culture shocked by it for a while. In the end, I love women but not in a romantic way but more of a sisterly type way.

 

That simply does not happen. Everyone would turn out to be homosexual after a bad relationship then!

Sexual orientation is an instinct, it's not something you turn around if it doesn't work out one way. If you're a straight woman you will still be straight if you get gang raped by men. That sounds extreme but yeah. It's determined before birth.

 

I'm not like that, I havnt been with anyone and I know who I am. I don't need to b in an opposite sex relationship to know for sure I couldn't make myself do that, that would make me feel really shitty inside plus that would reinforce my parents assumptions that I'm straight and I can't do that cuz then I will NEVER b able to come out to them. Oh and also I don't hate any one gender completely lol cuz there are assholes and sweethearts in every gender U know it's funny how when ppl see a girl or guy with the opposite sex they think "that person MUST be straight" but when someone is with someone of the same sex ppl say "they must b confused and they will meet the right guy/girl eventually" *sigh!* there is no winning lol

 

I've never been with someone of the opposite sex or had an opposite sex relationship.

It did cross my mind briefly after a rough same-sex breakup to try straight dating though lol That thought didn't last long though or eventuate into anything.

 

Well, not homosexual, but I'm pretty sure I have an exclusive (or close enough to be considered exclusive) attraction to men, so:

Nah. I love my lady friends - they're super cool, and if I was attracted to them, I'd probably have crushes on them. They're sweet and lovely and beautiful. It's like... like coffee and tea. I like the smell of coffee, but I don't like to drink it. But, I like both the smell of tea and the taste of tea.