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Don't parents know their kids are gay before they come out?

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by blueberrykisses, Sep 11, 2014.

  1. clockworkfox

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    My dad thinks I'm gay. Like for girls. He can obviously tell something's up...

    Sometimes I wonder how he'll take it when he finds out he doesn't have a gay daughter, but a gay-ish androgynous trans son.
     
  2. NDark

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    My dad, apparently, proclaimed before I was born that I would never be gay. XD My mum noticed that I had had some serious crushes on girls before, but she still thought it was a phase when I first told her. In fact, my whole family thought it was a phase. They still might.
     
  3. greatwhale

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    My mother had no idea I was gay until I told her at the age of 53...after my divorce, she wanted to introduce me to this female friend of hers... XD !
     
  4. Andrew99

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    My mom knew since I was 3. :grin:
     
  5. Incinerator

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    I know that my mom can tell, and I haven't even come out to her yet. She's already asked if I am a lesbian.
     
  6. Alan Lewrie

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    Like Pie said, I was actually shocked my mother didn't know. I thought she of all people had it figured out for ages, and until coming out I suspected my parents had my brother because of their suspicions. I played mainly with boy toys, but she bought me barbies and polly pocket when I wanted them ffs, which pissed my dad off greatly. Maybe she just never thought about it, or was in denial, plus I'd been madly in love with a girl on the swim team and went through the whole hormonal and emotional meltdown only a teen can do when I was rejected.

    Likewise though I had the same thing happen with a guy later on and she never questioned exactly WHY I was so emotional (I wasn't out). My father on the other hand I think heavily suspected as I was growing up. I remember several occasions where he'd just flat out ask me if I was gay as a kid/teen, which only made me hide my sexuality further. I never got the chance to tell him the truth, he's been dead 6 years, and I only came out in June 2013.
     
    #26 Alan Lewrie, Oct 1, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2014
  7. resu

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    Only if they're looking for it and the child doesn't feel pressured to be straight. I'm kind of irritated my mom didn't know. But, we rarely talked about personal stuff, in any case.
     
  8. julianne

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    Parents see what they want to see, honestly. Plus, not everyone is a stereotypical LGBTQ person from a young age. I'm very feminine and I try to avoid talking about girls as much as possible, so my parents probably have no idea. It makes coming out that much harder, in my opinion. At least when parents expect it it isn't a shock!
     
  9. stocking

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    I think my mom knows because I've never brought a man home .
     
  10. Aberrant

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    Well, it just depends on the parents. If they have a good bond with you, I'm pretty sure that they can just tell as if they had the best intuition to aid them. But that's just how I think it works. My mom "always knew", but hoped it was just a mere phase.

    That turned out well.
     
  11. OGS

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    My parents didn't know. Well, actually my mother knew about a minute or two before I told her. To understand the story you have to know that I had a college friend named Cesar whose parents had disowned him when he came out. So I finally built up the courage to tell my mother--she was the very first person I told, I built up to it--there's something I need to tell you, it's important, it's going to be difficult for both of us, etc. And then I just fell apart, crying and hysterical. And my mother told me that I could tell her anything, that she would always love me. And still I just couldn't do it--I just couldn't... and so we sat there for a while. And finally my mother took my hands in hers looked me square in the eye and said "you know your father and I would never do what Cesar's parents did, now what do you have to tell me."

    I kind of thought maybe it meant that she had always known, but I asked her about it years later and she insisted that she hadn't even suspected. Even when I told her I had something important to tell her, no inkling. Then finally when we were sitting there on the couch me sobbing and her just sitting there confused it all came to her. She said it was strange because it was like the knowledge came to her fully-formed. She said she even thought maybe somehow she had known subconsciously because she describes sitting there and suddenly knowing what it was I had to tell her. And also knowing that I had come to a point in my life where I couldn't move on until I told her--that I had to tell her, and yet I couldn't. And she says it just came to her that if I didn't tell her right then and there that I might never do so--and she was suddenly so afraid for me if I wasn't able to do this and move on. And so she said what she said... and of course I told her--and shortly thereafter everyone else. And my life was completely transformed...

    She was an amazing woman.
     
  12. Aberrant

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    That sounds awesome..
    D= Aw, you unleashed the feels.