I was wondering lately: do you think a persons upbringing and environment has any stake in their sexuality? I've started to wonder this for myself. Growing up, I didn't have any crushes on the boys at my school. Though I found myself somewhat physically attracted to men, and fantasized about eventually having kids and growing old with a man, my feelings were always very weak and... non-special. Kind of just a "meh - whatever" kind of thing. I certainly didn't understand my friends gushing over guys whatsoever . I sort of thought these feelings could be attributed to my upbringing however. I didn't have a good relationship with my father at all, and the fact that 95% of my family went through horrible divorces has deeply soured my view of relationships in general (or at the very least, heterosexual ones). I can't deny that I feel attracted to women too though. The thought of being in a relationship with a girl feels a lot more safe and normal to me than being in a relationship with a guy. But as I said before, I'm wondering if this is also an environmental thing. I have an identical twin sister whom I'm extremely close to, so I'm wondering if my affection towards girls is just me being confused/used to spending so much of my time with another female (when you put it that way, it sounds kind of sick - but it's true). I have no brothers either, so my daily experience with men has pretty much only been based on my dad. So what do you think. What role, if any, does your environment/upbringing play in your sexuality? (or at the very least, how and when you discover it ) I'm very interested to hear other peoples stories (maybe it'll help me figure out my own situation)
I don't see why it would...at least not from that perspective. If that was true I would probably be straight considering my male relatives are awesome, and I never had any issues with men, yet all of the people who emotionally abused me were women, including many of my ex-girlfriends. I think sexuality is mainly biological
It might play a part in realizing your sexuality, but I think that it's not something that can completely change it. My parents have a great marriage, all my cousins have fun girlfriends, and I've never really experienced people who didn't love each other in my family. So by all means, I should be straight, but I'm not. I've been equally hurt by boys and girls, and that hasn't swayed my preference at all. In terms of how it could influence realizing your sexuality, it helps you see what a healthy relationship looks and feels like, and what unhealthy ones look and feel like. We find out that we crave the healthy relationships that made our lives so wonderful (or try to avoid the unhealthy ones that made things horrific), and think about how we can achieve it. Some of us look around and go "I know I'm supposed to end up with a certain gender, but something tells me this one might fit me a little better..." and such. At least, that's my two cents.
I don't think it's solely genetic, I think that your experiences affect it, but no more than, say, your favorite color or something, and you can't raise children not to be gay. I heard that a study showed that sexuality is cemented around age 5.
I agree with Eleanor. Your upbringing can play a role in making it more or less easy for you to discover your sexuality. But actually make it more likely that you'll be gay or straight or bi? I don't see it. In fact, studies have shown that children of gay/lesbian couples are no more likely to turn out gay/lesbian than any other children (although they are more likely to have better resilience and coping skills generally). So that pretty much says no.
Our environment doesn't change who we love, as we're born the way we are - we can't change it. It doesn't matter how much you or someone else tries to.
Yes, it most likely does, just as genetics and environment both influence your risks for physical diseases such as obesity, heart disease, diabetes, cancer, etc, as well as more complex things like whether or not you become a murderer, have psychological problems, or almost anything you can name about a person's personality; I believe sexuality is a marriage between genetic predisposition and environmental factors just like every other thing about our personality. This is why it bugs me when people say they were "born this way." They are implying that being gay is only okay because that's how they were born. If someone chose to be gay, in my opinion, it would be just as valid a reason. And, most likely, it will be discovered (if it has not already) to be a combination of both factors. ---------- Post added 20th Sep 2014 at 07:00 PM ---------- Love may seem like an emotional thing, but like all emotions, its based on chemical reactions. Technically, if science becomes advanced enough, your brain could be reprogrammed (environment) to love a certain way.
I've wondered this also at one point. When I came out to my stepmom, she told me that my sexuality was partly caused by my traumatic childhood. My parents got divorced, never had much of a bond with my mother (more so after she walked out when I was young), lived with boys most of my life (my dad and two brothers), and I was super close with my dad before he died. Maybe because I never really had that sense of motherly love, I sort of crave it, which may explain why I may be attracted to girls. Also like you, I do feel safer amongst girls than I do guys, despite growing up with them. I suppose it would make sense in my case then, but what about individuals with little to no history of trauma or grew up in decent environments? How would that be explained? Relating to what Austin said, my stepmom also told me that it's from chemical imbalances in my brain. So I might like girls because of what has happened, causing the imbalances, and therefore resulting in my bisexuality. To me, it's bullshit. It's just another way for anti-LGBT advocates to justify that we're freaks and that heterosexuality is normal. Just like dairy companies will tell you that drinking soy milk is not good for you and that you should be drinking cow's milk, when most of us know that we're not really supposed to be drinking another animals milk. It's a way to brainwash us and make us think that we are at fault and we're not normal. If it turns out that it is caused by the environment I grew up in or chemical imbalances (which I highly doubt), then whatever. I still love who I love, no matter how I got there.
Exactly, it is a chemical thing. In my opinion, we are wired different from heterosexual people from the time we're born. I'm sure I could probably take a pill to make me want to crawl on the floor instead of walking - that doesn't mean I was born to crawl.
It influences how one might feel about their sexuality, how open one might be. But, while it can't be scientifically disproved, I don't really buy that it does anything else, though.
I don't believe it does. It can certainly influence how long it will take for you to figure out your sexuality, become comfortable with it and come out. If someone told me it was ok to like girls when I was a teenager, I might have questioned it sooner and maybe I wouldn't have spent all those teenage years thinking I had to meet the right guy.
We don't know what makes people gay. So... Maybe? Like others in this thread, I think it's a genetic and an environmental thing. Everybody is born with a personal "wiring" and their upbringing may or may not engage some preexisting mechanisms. Maybe if you have a "gay wiring" then it is always going to be engaged, no matter what you experience in the early stages of your life. Maybe not.
I agree with this lady. I doubt it actually has an effect on your sexuality, but I do believe it can have a big impact on you realising it, accepting it and coming out of the closet to both yourself and others, depending on how LGBTQ friendly your upbringing has been.
I agree with Austin and PGuy! Though it would probably be immensely difficult to change it and... what for? I wouldn't become straight even if I could.
Lots of interesting feedback on this. I was thinking that the way I feel towards men and women is/was heavily influenced by a) my relationship with my father and b) being an identical twin. But now I'm not so sure.
Not in my experience.. I have a big family and they are basically all in loving and wonderful relationships with their other halves.. There is no one in my immediate family or extended family that has a same gender partner.. Extended extended family.. Like my mum's cousins and my dad's cousin are gay, but as they aren't close, (not cause of their sexuality) we don't socialize much, so I have been around heterosexual couples my whole life and never really seen a same gender couple together until my aunties best friend and boss who is a lesbian began to come out for dinner with us with her partner every now and then. I also have a very good relationship with my male and female family members although I do find it awkward sometimes to talk with my male relatives cause we don't have a whole lot in common whereas my female relatives, cousins etc.. We have much more in common.. So it hasn't been the case in my experience, but I wouldn't say it couldn't have an effect on others.. I think it depends on the individuals experiences and upbringing.
I don't think that it has had any part. If it did I would be straight, very feminine, in an relationship with a man right now and soon to bare him children, but not before we got married! ---------- Post added 22nd Sep 2014 at 05:35 AM ---------- I agree.
No I don't think it does, but I honestly don't know. I agree with others, I think it does help realising your sexuality and it definitely influences the way you think of it (do you think it's bad / good, does it matter, etc).
