I am a male that is confused about his orientation I grew up liking sports until a certain age but I might not have liked it because my dad always told me I needed to be better. I stopped and we got distant from each other. In elementary school I remember being fascinated by some stranger's arm because it was larger than other students. I always kind of thought this growing up. I just kept thinking wow thats a nice arm or body. I wish I looked like that. (I am stick thin). Growing up I never really felt like I had a friend. It got to the point in high school where I was suicidal because I didn't have a friend outside of school to hang out with (guy or girl). I saw a lot of people have friends at school and I was overlooked. Usually guys with guy friends and girls with girlfriends. I really wanted a guy friend ( nothing sexual though). I don't know if this has anything to do with my confusion. I have met a couple of guys that I always want to hang out with and talk to. Hang out and just enjoy time together. nothing sexual just hang out. be near a guy I guess. Seeing guys in my life have bromances made me want to have one. Thats all I really wanted from a guy growing up was a bromance. I have always been envious of the stereotypical "hot guy" and I wish I looked like them. I frequently feel attracted to their bodies, but If I think of anything actually sexual in anyway I am turned off. This includes even just kissing a guy. I have always wanted to date a girl, kiss a girl, or get to know her, but these are far less frequent. I want to kiss her and sometimes I want to actually fantasize about sex with a girl. I am now 20 and in college. I have never kissed anyone ( guy or girl). I do not want to kiss a guy, but I do want to kiss a girl. I find usually guys more physically attractive, but I have never wanted to proceed past that. If I get to know a guy I am attracted to the attraction dies, but If I get to know a woman either feelings do not change or the attraction increases. I do think that my attractions are changing or potentially changing. I feel like I have friends now ( at least some of the time.) When I hang out with them (2 guys and a girl) I feel really happy with my life. I have started to notice women more physically than before, but I am still confused. one of the guys in the group is physically attractive in someways, but I don't want to have a sexual relationship with him. I guess I want that bromance with him. He has helped me overcome my suicidal phase in life ( I use to run from it he helps me face it) I also see a lot of myself in him since we are both more on the sensitive side. He is straight and I am confused by everything. I just want to talk to him about how much of a role model he is to me, he has given me hope in myself and all this other stuff. He seems to fill some kind of void in my. I have liked one girl since I was in fourth grade if I think about it. I always wanted to take her to the school dances. and I want to kiss her and date her, but I never did because of my own insecurities. when I did feel confident enough she was in a relationship or just tell me I was a good friend which shut me down. Any special insight you guys have would be great. I feel like I am changing, but I still have that physical attraction to some (adonis type) guys. but I only ever want to date a girl.
Hi there, it's good to meet you. There are different ways to be sexual and have romantic feelings. It's possible for a person to be asexual, or mostly asexual, but have desires for romance and connection with either or both Genders. There is nothing *wrong* with any of this. Give yourself some time. There are a lot of great folks around here that can relate to your experiences and feelings. You'll get there, you'll figure it out. You are not an anomaly. You are just you.
Don't worry about it, first of all. Personally I feel that the right relationship with the perfect someone involves a sexual and emotional attraction. I always thought that I was gay/bi just because I like older men sexually, but actually living and caring for them for the rest of my life is something I haven't found an answer to yet. Like you I also had a crush on a girl when I was young. Not sure if sexual abuse + how porn was introduced had anything to do with my confusion, but I definitely have considered a lot more than just those 2 things. I think that you wanted a guy friend just as bros. You know, someone to talk with but in a guy-to-guy manner. With the the current state of you and your father, I can relate to that because I'm also in the same position. I always went to my mom for advice, so not having a father figure does play a role in who you are attracted to, because you never really saw how a man treats a woman. That's what I think, at least.
wow you write well, I seemed to sink into your feelings) for 2 minutes) it's really interesting and oh may i ask, what are you confused about if your attraction to guys is not of a sexual nature?
I'm not really sure how to tag people in these so I hope you all see this post. Starfleet-I do not see myself as asexual Jax12- The thing with the girl I like is that I still like her. I didn't know I had a crush on her since I have known her since before kindergarten. I still like her and now that I think about it when I am with her, which isn't very often since we go to different colleges in different states and our hometown is in a 3rd state, I am nervous to be around her because I like her, but she doesn't feel like that toward me. I do not think that orientation is 100% genetic because of my situation. It is not that my dad was never around or didn't care he was just way more interested in my brother since he was always giving my brother attention I guess. I had a father figure I guess, but I didn't if that makes sense. I am not sure if thats the same based on what you said, but it might be. Omnomnom- Not many people tell me that I write well. I guess I am confused as to why I find the male physique so attractive if it isn't completely sexual in nature. to everyone- Part of me feels that I just haven't finished developing I guess. I feel that my life is only partially there since I went 20 years without a friend(I tried hard to hang out with people outside of school and no one ever would) to hang out with or talk to and my dad specifically, but both of my parents stopped paying too much attention because I only played games at home by myself in my room. so they just never talked to me too much. i Know that they still loved me and still love me, but it was just strange ya know? I think that if I continue to have friends my life can move on from just wanting a friend to wanting something more whether that's a guy or girl I do not know maybe both/ either or. I currently think of myself as way more heterosexual over homosexual, but with this whole finding some men attractive, but not 100% sexually I fell like a wrench is thrown in the mix. Maybe it's bisexuality, but again I do not think so. If I could give you my brain I would. maybe one of you could figure it out. I think I would like to be heterosexual not because of any outside factor, but just because I think that would be more enjoyable in my opinion. Like that is what I am suppose to be rather than bisexual or homosexual. I would just like to wake up and be like yep I am confident my sexual orientation is _______________
hiimpaul, I hope I haven't offended. I'm reading your further post, and most of all I hope you'll accept yourself as a good person, and I hope you keep asking questions. I've spend decades alone myself, I didn't get much support from my family, and I've always felt different and like I didn't fit in. I hope what you'll take away from my posts is that it's OK to be different, and to trust yourself. For many of us, me included, labels are a real help in learning about ourselves. I've been here about a week or so, and I've used many different labels. One of the best things about EC, no one has said to me:"Starfleet! I thought you said you were x? Now you are y??" People here are happy that I'm learning and exploring, and happy that my new label means new understanding. Keep looking, and keep talking. You'll find it. Doesn't have to be right now, and it doesn't have to be one-and-done.
hm according to what you write it seems to be some mix of admire and loneliness, maybe you are just attracted to who you want to be you look quiet honest with yourself, it doesnt look like a story about hiding your homosexuality sorry if it sounds stupid heh)
Starfleet- You did not offend me at. at one point I did consider myself asexual, but that is not really how I feel anymore. Omnomonom- I am a little confused by what you wrote. I hope this does not come across as rude, but what did you mean by "you look quiet honest with yourself.... hiding your homosexuality."
To me you don't sound like you are gay, but only you yourself can determine that. You can still be straight and know when a guy is very attractive or has a nice body. I would analyze your feelings when you see a guy you are attracted to. I would assume more that you want their physique..admiration. I think it is normal to want to be emotionally close to people of any gender...we are social creatures. And it is normal to look up to people as a role model doesn't mean you are homosexual if it is someone of the same sex. Just follow your heart and if it is your heart wanting a girl and this specific girl. Then follow it. I would just tell her you've had a crush on her for a while. So you can close that door on that possibility if she says "only see you as a friend" and find someone new. And telling her won't ruin the friendship if she really sees you as a friend. Just my opinion.
hm, maybe i wrote some mess,english is not my native languech)) i meant that sometimes some people can't accept socially unacceptable impulses, and they are lying to themselves just to defend their psyche. but you are not one of them i think, you are honest with yourself, just it did i dispel your confusion?)
I guess only time will tell on all accounts. I really want it to happen quickly. I would like for me to understand or at least know the steps to understand. seeking- I do not want to do that because she was the closest thing I had to a friend in middle an high school. My depression comes from not having friends. I do not handle losing friends well and don't like to risk the friendships I do have. I am not secure with myself for that. Time will tell I guess. I need to hang out with my friends now more often in order for this stuff to get straightened out. even typing some of my thoughts out here and having responses back has helped with a mild amount of clarity. I thank everyone here for that. I might keep posting to try and find some more clarity. I really do think that after I am secure with my friendships that I will be able to move on and explore my sexuality after that, but... I don't know I am still a mess and not just with my sexual orientation confusion, but with a lot of things.
Do you think some of the confusion might have come from when I was younger? once in kindergarten a girl came up and kissed me on the lips out of nowhere. I don't remember kissing back since it was catching me off guard and I wasn't into dating and that thing yet at age 5. Then later on I had a couple of girls interested in me but I wasn't really wanting to date anyone, I was nervous, and I let them know I didn't want to date and then they went out of their way to avoid me. One ended up switching schools, but I doubt that was my fault. She went a little overboard and I hurt her pretty bad. One time senior year I didn't want to get into a relationship right before I moved over 900 miles away to go to college and she then deleted my number and would avoid me at school. I don't know I might just be making up stuff at this point trying to come up with any other way to look at this.
I don't know. There could many other reasons why you responded to those situation the way you did. If you had issues in school of making friends. That might have caused some social anxiety, self-esteem issue, depression, etc. I would really think about how you felt during those situations to help determine why you responded the way you did. And i think it is smart you didn't start a relationship when you were about to move over 900 miles away. In all honesty Only time, soul searching, and following your heart/desires will help you figure out where you stand. You are the only one that can tell what your sexuality is.
