I'm looking for some advice and opinions. How is it that some people are just completely fine with hooking up and casual sex. It's odd to me. I've only been with 2 people the first was on high school with my former best friend as a casual thing and we didn't do that much mostly oral. The second was 8 years later and that was just a hook up. I'm wondering if the reason for my not understating is because I have never been in a relationship or had sex that had actually meant anything, or had a true emotional connection. I'm wondering if in order to do the other stuff, should got have had that experience where sex actually something. I've actually talked to one of my best friend who is actually a straight guy and he says it depends on the person. What do you all think?
Some people would never have sex without being in love with their sex partner, some people prefer hooking up without any attachment.... some people choose humanities, some choose science. Is science better than humanities? It just depends on what you like, right? :icon_wink
A lot of people don't understand that sex -- at least sex worth having -- is about more than the physical act. The emotional component can be as powerful, and for many, more powerful, than the physical act itself. So it's possible that if you've never had the strong feelings for someone and then had sex with them, what you've experienced is somewhat empty and unfulfilling. Another piece of this puzzle is that really good sex requires real vulnerability, which, in turn, requires being fully in touch with emotions. And a lot of people, especially gay men, have difficulties with that because of the baggage we've grown up with. This is also why a lot of people confuse asexuality with lack of access to emotions; if you don't have access to your emotions, it can feel almost exactly like what an asexual person describes. So when you work on the emotional self (if, indeed, that's a relevant piece for you) it opens you up in many ways, one of which is to provide much greater access to sexual openness and vulnerability.
Chip, You bring up an interesting concept here, can you discuss the last paragraph with some more depth? Do you have easily attainable references? Thx
This really describes how I'm feeling. The sex I have had has been empty and unfulfilling. So that's why I'm having difficulty understanding how done people just do it, especially in the gay world. I don't have any frame of reference for that because one I'm inexperienced and two I don't have any gay friends to talk to this about. Most of my questions like this I ask my best friends, one of which is a straight male. I guess I am just missing a piece of the puzzle but I'm not sure where to start to obtain that missing piece. I'm not emotionally ready for a relationship.
