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What if I cause a rift between my Mum and Gran by coming out.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Bzrk, Oct 21, 2014.

  1. Bzrk

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    sorry this is long but I've been worring about this for a while and just need someone else's perspective.

    I think my Gran (my Mums mum) is homophobic I dont know for sure but she has said she felt let down when she found out an actor was gay because he played a family man on tv and talked about how it was frowned on and she never says the word gay its always a derogatory term One time after my gran left my Mum said to my Dad could you imagine if (insert brothers name here) was gay and how he'd feel after hearing what she just said. so thankfully It sounds like My Mum would be okay with me being gay(!). unfortunately I'm scared about coming out because it might cause a fight between my Mum and Gran. My Mum is someone who will stick up for her children no matter what and I'm afraid it would come to an ultimatum such as accept My child or you lose both of us and my Gran and Mum are the kind of people who will stick to their opinion to spite theirself two of my grans daughters died when they were young and my Mum is now her only child and I dont think I'd be able to cope if I was the reason Gran didnt talk to her only living child.
     
  2. kaminari

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    Why does your Gran HAVE to know if it might make her life miserable? Just tell your mum to never tell Gran I guess.
     
  3. Bzrk

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    Thats good advice, Thanks.
     
  4. Hyaline

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    The relationship between you and your mom and you and your gran have nothing to do with the relationship between your mom and gran.

    If you feel your gran wouldn't be cool with it, then discuss it with your mom when/if you come out to her.. She might suggest or forbid you from telling her. Ultimately, it will be up to you to make that decision.

    One thing I am curious about is why you are more worried about your mom and gran having an issue with it than between you and gran? What if you told gran? What do you think she'd do? Is it important for you that she know? Or do you even care?

    Ultimately you are whoever you are. Living honestly with the people around you take bravery and courage. And sometimes you love people and they might refuse to love you back because of a stand you've taken. (Not that being gay is a stand, but you catch the meaning I hope).. But don't let someone who grew up in a bygone era with naïve and simplistic views of the world stop YOU from being YOU....
     
  5. Bzrk

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    I think it's a good idea to discuss with Mum first when I come out. My Gran has periods of deep depression and I'm not sure how or if she'd cope without My Mum so I'm worried how she would cope without Mum and I would like it if my Gran accepted me but if she doesn't I'll get over it but not sure if Mum andd gran feel the same way.
    I think I'm just worried that something to do with me but nobody has control over could hurt the relationship between two people I love.
    I'm sorry it's kind of hard to explain all of it if you don't know the family dynamic.
     
  6. Jax12

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    I think that you'll be much more happy if you tell your mom, and not your grams. Your mom is already very accepting towards gay individuals, so I would talk to her first, and take it from there. Just know that not everyone wil be supportive, and while your grams might be upset, you aren't the one that will have to change; she will.