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Really need help right now..Depressed...Suicide...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Male Streisand, Nov 23, 2014.

  1. Male Streisand

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    Hello

    I'm really upset right now, I'm contemplating suicide NOW.

    I'm 15 years old, Gay, and out to everybody.
    I hate myself, I don't deserve to live, to love, and Happiness.

    I'm constantly thinking negative thoughts of myself and often put myself down(self-hatred Wording).
    I've been bullied all my life, and I actually know that they are right, I'm just a loser who is stupid in everything I do and I'm not worthy of anybody's love.

    I am fat, even though I weigh 53kg and my mother constantly tells me that I'm too thin, I know I'm fat!

    I've never had a boyfriend and will never have one, who could love a guy who is fat, unattractive and depressed?

    I'm a singer and love to sing, but I'll never perform because I will make a fool of myself, again.

    I've been robbed in my own house, tied by the ankles and gun too my back, they should have just killed me then, would have saved me all the trouble.

    I want to have a boyfriend, I want to be happy, I wish that my bullies would leave me alone!

    I'm ready for death, I'm not scared of it anymore. Going to hell will be just as bad as my life now.

    I'm willing to reply to questions about details if anybody even reads this.


    Streisand.
     
  2. lb41974

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    Stop right there please ,do not do it I have been there and know exactly what you are going threw. I know that you are hurting and upset and even confused but it will be OK so please take a deep breath and try to calm down

    ---------- Post added 23rd Nov 2014 at 01:35 PM ----------

    I want to talk to you as long as you want to ! I care about you and I am so sorry that bad things have happened to you we can work threw this you can make it I promise ! You deserve to be happy too and I know that if you give it some time you will find happiness and find that special someone to be with .You have time to do this you are still young enough to find somebody that will treat you with kindness and love you for who you are please please do not kill your self . Message me anytime I am here off and on everyday all hours I can't work so I live here on EC and it has been so great to me .
     
  3. shinji

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    You've been through much, and are still here... This alone, makes you stronger than most, your bullies included. Why give up now? For the sake of others? For what others have done... This will not solve anything. You need to live, for yourself, to fight for the happiness you desire so much.

    You need to be angry, not depressed. Take control of the situation... Those bullies, beat the crap out of them. Anyone who gets in your way, simply brush them off. Be confident in your own strength, the strength that helped you endure thus far.

    Finding a boyfriend? Have you looked? I mean, have you actually, actively put yourself out there in the hopes of finding one? You know "they" won't just "drop" right in front of you like that. Plus, thinking about it, tends to distort expectations. It is something that will happen, only a matter of time.

    As for being fat... Are you actively comparing yourself to someone, or are you just seeing yourself like that? Obviously you understand that weight is not an issue, but the way you look? Change your wardrobe, start wearing form fitted clothing, those are a confidence boost.
     
  4. spockbach

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    We all have doubts about ourselves; we all feel badly about ourselves sometimes - and now again that pain turns into something more than just pain. I certainly know how it feels to hate myself; the feeling strikes me as absolutely inescapable. But logically I know that it is not inescapable; it is temporary and untrue. You'll be all right; it doesn't seem that way now, because that is the nature of self-hatred: it feels right and seems to be the truth.

    Yet it isn't true. I often hate my own character but then remind myself that if someone were trying to tell me the same thing about their own selves, I should be very disturbed because I know that no one deserves to be bullied by others or by one's own inner voice. These feelings you are having are very real, but they are, again, neither permanent nor truthful.
     
  5. Clancularius

    Clancularius Guest

    I have been in same place before. I've held a knife to my throat, prepared to hang myself, and even have considered drowning myself. But I never did it , even when it seems like there is no meaning in life. At times it may seem like no one will care if you die, think about your family and friends that would be losing you by doing this. It may seem like life is pointless now, remember that things can and most likely will change. It may not feel like it now but life is beautiful. Bullies may try to hurt you, simply because they don't understand that you're amazing. Please, don't deprive the world of you. I went through a large part of life hating myself and thinking that most people do to but then I realized that if I killed myself it would ruin my parents and siblings lives. You have to see wants good in life and not what's bad. Talking to a counselor, teacher, or parent helps, but you are capable of making your life better. :thumbsup:
     
  6. I am Kakashi

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    First off (&&&) and another one, because that's how I am. (&&&) We are here for you! "We" meaning online friends here, friends in 'real' life, and family. You reached out to us, that is definitely the right thing to do. Vent, rant, scream, cry, whatever you need to do. Just stay with us. Whatever you need us to do, you know we will try our best.

    I know being bombarded with advice isn't probably what you want to be hearing, but please PLEASE let someone who is near you physically know! Mom, dad, sibling, call 911, the suicide hotline, ANYTHING. They can help, and we can only do so much here in cyberspace. We can do a lot, but letting someone know is something you can do. As much as you might not get along with people in your life, they would miss you if you were gone. I won't go all guilt-trippy, that's not useful. But I promise you, they want the best for you. And it does get better! all those videos aren't just horse shit.

    Please let us know you are okay.
     
  7. Jax12

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    A couple months ago, I was ready to jump off a high level bridge. From where I live, it's the place where suicide rate is the highest. Now why is that? Well it's quick, painless, and easy. As soon as you let yourself fall off the bridge, it'll only take a couple more seconds for you to reach the waters.

    Yet, I'm still here. And if I had jumped off that bridge, I wouldn't be here to tell you my story.

    You're life will be an inspiration to others. We all die someday, there's no need to make it come any faster.
     
  8. David21201

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    You know, self-hatred is a part of growing up, well at least to me. Consider it this way: if do die you will absolutely never fall in love, but if you keep living you have a chance. With the bullies I've been there. I simply told them to fuck off, one punched me and I pulled out my pocket knife. Definitely tell a teacher about the bullies.
    53kg? How much is that? (I'm American... XD) However, by judging by how low the number is, YOU ARE NOT FAT. EVEN IF YOU WERE FAT YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!! And you mentioned something about singing. Go for it, take a risk. If you embarrass yourself or fail, try again.
    Hey, if you wanna talk I'm here.
    Stay strong! (*hug*)
     
  9. bicomplicated

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    I see that this post was posted yesterday. I hope you are ok! Please post and let us know if you are ok. I, for one, am concerned about your well being...
     
  10. Wilzyax

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    Listen, I have never been popular, and seen myself as a loser my whole life. I've got bullied a lot when I went to primary school, but trust me it will get better. One day you will find someone, who likes you for being you. And trust me on this one, yeah bullies will always be there, but if you are patient you will find someone. I have been down many times, but what helped me was that I knew someone would love me one day. And friends come and go, but there will always be someone there who love you, or want you the best (even thought it not always feels like that).
    Just listen to all the reply's you got from people who cares about you, who want you to be strong!
    One of my best friends were kind of a loser, and me myself didn't find him interesting in the start, but suddenly we started talking and we become friends. And this friend of mine went from being all alone to getting alot of friends.... My point is, I think he had really rough times before he started making friends, and he have told me many times how depressed he used to be, but he also told me how glad he was that he didn't gave up.
    So stay in there, for things will get better, you just haven't met the right person yet, but I know he is somewhere out there, waiting.


    No I don't think your fat, but again I do not know how tall you are, so I might be wrong, who knows... To me it sound like you have a bad self esteem. And I myself have struggled with severe acne, and at times I felt so bad about myself that I've got angry whenever I saw a mirror, or whenever I saw how perfect everyone else looked. And I have many times thought that no one could like me, or be attracted to me because of my condition. But one thing I have learned is that attraction has nothing to do with looks.
    I myself, is now crushing on someone, and when I first met him I didn't find him attractive at all. He was fat, or at least bigger than average, and didn't look anything special. But after I started to know him better I falled pretty hard for him. So I guess you can't control who you love or fall in love with, it just happens, undependent on looks. So when you ask; "who could love a guy who is fat" I say me. I know it sound cheesy, but seriously there's nothing wrong with being fat or thin for that matter.
    Before I started crushing on this guy I thought the same as you, "who could love someone that looked fat and unattractive", but I guess I couldn't have been more wrong. Now he is everything I think about, yes he is a little bit fat, but for me he is perfect either way. It don't matter, I just adore him in any way. Because when you love someone you love everything about them, and look past all the flaws.



    And you say that you love singing, so do that! Entertain yourself, use music to make yourself feel better! And do not be afraid to make a fool of yourself, because that does not matter. The most important thing is that you like what you do, and if you think it is fun to sing, so sing then!
    Remember no one else should make you feel bad, if you feel good about what you're doing, then you should just ignore what others might think of you.

    So please stay in there, I really want you to feel better, and stop thinking about ending it all. I have been really depressed myself at times, I've even tried cutting myself, but I never gave up, because I always knew deep inside that things would get better, I just had to not give up.
    So please don't give up, and if you want to talk feel free to add me and talk to me. I am here for you, so ask me anything if you want, hope you feel better soon :wink:
     
    #10 Wilzyax, Nov 24, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2014
  11. Genesman71

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    Hey-please do not let the bullies get to you! It is hard-I know from experience. I was bullied as a teen, gang raped by guys I thought were my friend. Then they told everyone at school that I would give them sex. I was humiliated. My mother blamed me for the situation!! I was suicidal man, felt like the ultimate loser! A straight friend talked to me. He told me that I was a great guy, not a loser. He saved my life!! Man you are not a loser!! You are strong and you can get through this time in your life. Please post to us so that we all know that you are fine?? Everyone here is here to support you through this crossroad in your life!! I wish that we could all give you a hug!! Please hug yourself for us and tell yourself that you are a great person!!
     
  12. confusedgirl22

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    I know you have many other replies to this message; you might not read them all..but I do want to tell you just to take each day at a time. God made you for a reason..a specific purpose and I know that you are wonderful and amazing exactly how you are. Other people bully because it makes them feel better about the insecurities within themselves. I just try and pray for them. I will be praying for you..I hope you beceome stronger as each day goes on and realize you are loved!! :slight_smile:
     
  13. Genesman71

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    So true confusedgirl22!!
     
  14. PatrickUK

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    As you can see, a number of people have read your posting and taken time to respond. Do you think you can come back and say a little bit more?

    Are the suicidal feelings really intense? What more can you say about these feelings?

    It's very hard to find a reason to go on when you hit a deep low, but this thread should at least demonstrate that people do care about you and want to offer help and support.
     
  15. Male Streisand

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    Hello everybody,

    Sorry I haven't posted, I've been having some technical issues with my account on here, but it's all sorted!

    I'm still feeling pretty blue, but these responses really making me feel better about myself, I've even scheduled a session with my psychologist, and I plan on reading my posts to to him and hear what he has to say.

    Thank you so much for the replies, I really didn't think that many people actually reply.

    I'm still feeling suicidal, and I'm lucky my school has closed. Is it weird to have this empty feeling inside? That only a guy could fill? A friend of mine said, "I know your hurting right now, but just think, there's a guy who is looking for you just as you are for him." that hit me pretty hard, I never really considered the fact that there might be a guy whose actually looking for me. (Reference to
    Wilzyax too)

    Streisand
     
  16. bicomplicated

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    Good t hear from you! And I hope talking to your psychiatrist helps. I hope you start feeling better! Much love to you! :slight_smile:
     
  17. bookreader

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    Hello. I'm still waiting for that guy, too. But remember that It Gets Better.
    One day, you'll be with your partner and/or kid(s) and you'll be happy.
    I hope this post made you feel a little happy.
     
  18. Male Streisand

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    Well yes these feelings are REALLY intense, I spoke with my psychologist today and he thinks it's not good to have these feelings, my whole year has just been a downward spiral of depression and self hatred.
    I've always been self conscience about my looks and my self in general.

    They are Definitely feelings of lonesome, unhappiness and self hatred.

    Hope this helped

    Streisand
     
  19. Rosepetal

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    im so sorry had to go thru that
     
  20. PatrickUK

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    Hopefully, you have a good relationship with your psychologist and feel able to talk to him about everything. It's so important to use any outlet available to you, to share the dark feelings you are experiencing, otherwise it remains locked up inside and feeds the hatred, misery and despair. Try to remember that talking is the minds natural way of healing - it's not a quick fix and you don't see immediate results, so you must keep at it to break the cycle, but it is worth the effort.

    Can I urge you to stay connected through this forum? Loneliness seems to be really dragging you down, but if/when you come here you have the support of a community of like minded and caring people from across the world. This thread has already helped to demonstrate that people genuinely do care and want to support you, so reach out to us.. keep talking.