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Does this count as being bi?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by MessieM, Dec 21, 2014.

  1. MessieM

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    Hi again

    I did post almost the exact same thing before in another thread, but no one actually replied to it lol. Probably because it was just so confusing, I mean even I don't get it! But I really don't know where else to turn...

    Basically, I know I have always had a sort of feeling for guys, and of course summed it up as attraction before I got more intense feelings for girls that make those for guys feel a bit flat. But nonetheless, they are still there and incredibly confusing, because towards guys I feel what can be described as initial attraction, but I am immediately turned off when it comes to kissing or doing sexual stuff with them. From being kind of into them, I just become repulsed and don't want to do anything, which is weird because I don't find them repulsive, in fact they are nice looking. In fact, I do get that rushy, crush- like feelings when looking at them.

    For example, let me use a food analogy…

    It's like smelling bacon frying and going "Omg, that smells so amazing!!", but it doesn't actually make you hungry. And if you try to eat it, even though it's seems really appetising it just feels forced, and completely unsatisfying. Which is annoying, because it smells really nice, and you just end up confusing yourself as well as the chef (who in this metaphor, is the boy, who is also the bacon).

    Like the attraction is there, but no desire…

    But the feelings for girls are totally different, and girls not guys occupy my thoughts and cause the biggest crushes. I still just don't really understand what it is for guys…? I don't think it's like a friendship thing, because I don't feel it towards my male friends, just ones that are really handsome.

    Does anyone know what this is?

    I have tried to identify as both homoromantic bisexual and biromantic homosexual, but neither has felt right...And I am sure that i am not demisexual towards guys, because I had an extremely intense and deep emotional relationship with this guy, and still couldn't bring myself to be sexually involved with him after the kiss felt so gross.

    Can anyone help me? It would just make me feel a lot less confused (*hug*) I'm really sorry about my ramblings! I just really need to know whether I am gay or bisexual before I come out fully. Love you all (!)
     
  2. Sepulse

    Sepulse Guest

    Are those guys usually attracted to you? I often get sexual feelings around guys that are attracted to me. I'm probably smelling their pheromones or something.
     
  3. MessieM

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    Hi :slight_smile:

    Umm, no it's normally someone that I don't know very well. As soon as I become friends with them, I'm immediately get turned off, or as soon as I know that they are attracted to me. But, you may be onto something with the pheromones, I mean I do get the attractiony feelings the more sexual they are…

    That makes me feel a lot better though that someone else who (I don't actually know I'm just presuming) thinks they're gay gets weird feelings around girls ! :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 21st Dec 2014 at 02:41 PM ----------

    Wait, just read something on the internet… would the term "homoflexible" be appropriate here?
     
  4. Jax12

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    Any label is appropriate, as long as it feels true to you.

    We're all aware of the inaccuracy of using porn to identify yourself. So for me, I got off to gay porn and essentially, I've been desensitized to it. I'm not surprised either, I've watched porn for 6 years; every single day. However I've never had feelings for guys. I've always thought of guys as friends.

    What gave it away that I'm attracted to girls is that I'm able to talk to my friends and decide whether this girl is attractive or not, and I wouldn't feel like I'm lying myself. If I say that girl over there is attractive it's because I do think she's attractive, not because my friends say so or something ridiculous like that. Girls that I know talk about how hot the guys in One Direction and kpop guys are hot (for example). I would say okay, Harry Styles seems like a good looking guy, but that's about it.

    Just watch your feelings when you're with someone. As time goes on, you'll realize soon enough who you're attracted to. When you realize that, trust yourself in that this is who you are.
     
  5. Emily1

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    I've been reading a bunch of threads and some people identify your attraction to boys as visual attraction: they're nice to look at and you may be aroused by them but when push comes to shove you don't actually want to engage in any sort of sexual activity with them. I have a similar issue.. I sexual attraction to boys but my sexual attraction towards girls is much stronger and probably not even comparable. I want to identify as completely gay but I'm out as bisexual just to be safe (for now!)
     
  6. ImaJen

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    First of all, try not to focus on the labels so much, trust me. I did that and then I just let it go and I came to my conclusion - I'm homosexual biromantic. Now I just tell people I'm queer, and if they want to ask questions, they can, but I just won't tell them my exact orientation unless they ask. That's just me though.

    From what you've described it seems like you're homoromantic bisexual, although saying you've had an intense relationship with a guy would suggest that you're more homosexual biromantic but just experience visual attraction to guys. Idk. I don't think you're gay though from the fact that you've had a relationship with a guy. It seems you have identified who you like and how, so if it were me I'd call myself queer and let people ask questions if they want.
     
  7. bicomplicated

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    Idk you don't really sound bisexual to me. Doesn't sound like you have any sexual attraction to guys. Sounds like you just like how some of them look but nothing beyond that. Might be bi with more attraction to women, but most likely lesbian. But I'm not gonna tell you who you are. Only you can decide that. But just my opinion. Just explore your feeling more, and you will figure it out. Good luck!
     
  8. MessieM

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    Everyone who has replied,

    Thank you all so much for your responses, I love you all!!

    Emily1: that sort of makes sense about the visual attraction, thank you i guess it could actually be that!
    Jax12: don't worry, I kno the issues with porn haha :slight_smile:
    Imajen: you know what you said about how you use the umbrella term queer made me feel better, i think i could use that phrase in the future, thank you
    bicomplicated: your second opinion was really helpful and I will try and work it out!

    (!)
     
  9. bicomplicated

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    Glad you got some advice to think about that was helpful. :slight_smile: