Coming out when you're not 100% sure

May I ask why? I understand its stressful and I don't want to belittle your issue. But being bisexual is definitely okay. Not to stereotype, but my bisexual friends are the best party animals out there. Being asexual is okay as well. Asexuals to me are the most real lovers a lot of the time. I think its beautiful that you can love someone strictly romantically.Have you looked into demisexuality? Maybe youre demisexual?

 

It could be because you're mixing sexuality with emotions.

I'm sure that I'm 100% gay because I'm not sexually attracted to men. I'm 24, and I've never even fantasized about men.

So, if you think about sex, who do you think of? Men or women? Homosexual is just that: homo-SEXUAL. It's just a definition, not a label.

 

That as well^^ you can be homosexual and heteroromantic or vice versa. Who do you look at sexually? Not to be gross, but which sex gets you going? If you just like guys but youre grossed out by their sexuality, and women are the only thing that get you going, you could be homosexual biromantic for an example. Youre definitely not straight, so we can rule that out.

 

So if you don't enjoy being with guys then you probably don't have much if any hetero tenancies it sounds like. I am a gay male, I can appreciate a good looking woman. I would just never be in a relationship with/have sex with one. If you mirror a guys feelings but don't enjoy the thought of sex with a man, I don't really think that means much. From what it sounds you're only incidentally attracted to men. Sexuality is fluid, which I know you don't like, but it is. You can be sort of attracted to the idea of men but not be attracted to them at the same time. If you know you like women and you are sexually and romantically attracted to women, in combination with the lack of attraction to men, I would consider you somewhere between 4.5-6 on the Kinsey scale. If you're not attracted to women, and you're not attracted to men, I would put you in the grey/a/demisexual category.

I definitely have no 100% sure answer for you, and you shouldn't count on my advice to decide your sexuality. I am attempting to give you an unbiased third party explanation based on the feelings you have told me about so far. I could be wrong because I am not you. But I am attempting to assist you in exactly what it sounds like you want, a word for what you are experiencing sexually. I understand that feeling as I joined EC with the name NotSureWhatIam because just that, I wasn't sure what I was. I identified as bisexual, bisexual homo-romantic, homosexual bi-romantic, until I realized that I was just uncomfortable with being just GAY because of my internalized homophobia from years of childhood indoctrination.

I know you know its okay to be gay. But you need to accept that its okay for YOU to be gay. Depending on your age and life situation that can be very hard. Its not a matter of just saying the words, you need to accept being gay. Which for me took about 6 months from when I accepted that I was questioning. Even when I came out as gay I wasn't okay with it until probably this month. It actually took people telling me that its not okay for me to say the opposite because I'm always a rebel . I have only recently come out to the world. I was only out to my best friend and my brother for months, then I came out to my boss because he was making insulting jokes (good guy, meant no harm) then I came out to my second brother, than my mom, than my sisters, than I made it "Facebook official" which means my extended conservative family and everyone I care about knows. I only have 80 friends on Facebook because I have to know you very well to add you. So now after almost two years of knowing I was not straight, I have become comfortable with my sexuality and will go out to gay events and hotspots and I am comfortable with checking out men. Point is, there is a difference between knowing logically that it is okay to be gay, and actually knowing its okay for YOU to be gay. ride:ride:

 

I disagree with this; it seems like most gay people take years to figure themselves out completely and many identify as bisexual for a while before realizing they are gay.

Exactly. Just be open and honest about your feelings. You really don't have to declare your orientation with absolute certainty and specificness. When I came out to one of my friends I was still unsure about my orientation and mostly just I indirectly implied that I was attracted to girls. He did not assume I was gay nor did he assume I was questioning. He just found out that I liked girls, and that was all that I intended for him to find out.

 

Mostly by talking about girls I thought were cute. My lock screen on my phone is often female celebrities I find attractive; I wear a rainbow GSA bracelet... etc. I'm very open, and that keeps people from assuming that I am straight.

 

Why not just say you are queer? Maybe just explain your attractions to people close to you and others will just know that you might like people of the same sex.

 

I'm not really sure either dont worry you dont have to identify as a certain thing to everybody. Frankly I'm cool with being gay even when sometimes I'm not entirely sure about it. Not everybody has to know every detail anyway.
People usually think I'm straight when nope lol