How did you feel about sex with the opposite sex, when you were in denial?

I have never denied my attraction to girls, though I denied my lack of attraction to guys. I thought I was bisexual, but then I had to be honest and accept that my feelings for guys never were enough to form a relationship.

 

I thought that it was something I would have to do if I was going to be accepted...

 

When I was trying to deny my sexuality, I was thinking about this. It was neutral to me, not it's gross.

 

Yes, I also believed I was bisexual, before coming to terms that I am not. As a matter of fact I am still dealing with it.

I had an early attraction to women, but I was worried to be abnormal so made my self think about straight sex instead. I became attracted to the fantasy of romance, intimacy, sex out of love etc. rather than feeling turned on by men as such. I liked seeing straight sex because it showed sex and sexual connection, rather because I was attracted to the man. Now I can barely watch straight porn: only if it is gentle and I can imagine myself being the guy. I was really turned on by the idea of sex, and tbh it did not occur to me that I also need some form of sexual attraction to men, it was all rather abstract & impersonal.
It was difficult for me to figure out that I am not sexually attracted to men, because I have pushed the sexual attraction aspect of relating to people very deeply away.
I was able to develop feelings for a man based on emotional/mental connection, as well as have sex with one based on that. It did not feel that wrong as such, but with time I've realised that something really huge was missing and now I think I was constantly dissociating/drifting away during it. I became obsessed with mental connection and pushed myself to being physical with people I had no physical attraction to at all, because I wanted to proove to myself how openminded I was.


It is very telling that out of the men I had feelings for, almost all were long-distance, online or through letters, I think in most cases I was in love with the image that I created of them in my head, rather than the people themselves.

The one I actually moved in with, became almost completely asexual few weeks after we started living together, the sex was not as romantic/intimate as I hoped for, but how could it, if I misunderstood what sexual desire/attraction is.

I still find it difficult to accept that the gender of a person should play such a big role in relating to people romantically, but for me it does.

These days thinking about sex with a man is a complete turn-off.

 

I'm still not sure what my orientation is but I have never enjoyed sex with men. I liked receiving oral somewhat better than intercourse but didn't get extremely turned on by either one. I thought there was just something wrong with me.

I felt sexual attraction though, and I wanted to be with the men in question. I would have sex because I thought it was a normal part of a relationship and I liked closeness and cuddling. I kept hearing that some women just don't enjoy sex and I thought that was me. (And I'm still not sure...)

I still fantasize about sex with men (my favorite celebrities mostly) and I can get off from that but I know in my head I'm picturing something that never happened in real life.

 

I can quite relate to that.

When I thought of guys sexually, I was aroused, but only because, well, it was sex... I wasn't attracted to guys themselves, and it took me a while to realize that.

 

Pretty much gross

 

I was completely neutral and didn't mind dying virgin. That's pretty much what i wanted anyway. Today I feel disgusted by this idea even though I find men handsome and had some curiosity about doing some sexual acts with them.

 

I was unsure how I felt about it.

 

I went through something very similar to that. One minute I was straight, the next I thought I was bi and then eventually I realised I was just gay. Sex with girls wasn't amazing like how it is with guys now but at the time it was okay.

Rest assured, you aren't the first to go through something like that

 

By the way, I was wondering too, if the thought about a penis inside me was normal for me back then. I don't know if I have always found penises disgusting..probably just neutral then, when I was convinsing myself I'm gonna marry one.

What about you, guys?
Was this ok for you?

 

Sort of. I didn't want to have sex with guys and I really wouldn't mind dying virgin, I thought I wasn't losing anything by not having sex with men. I never felt disgusted by it, I just wasn't really interested.

 

I slept with two guys before I fully accepted myself as a lesbian. I did not enjoy the experiences. I do have fun kissing guys, but that's it. The male genitalia grosses me out. And I do not foresee myself ever sleeping with a male again.

 

When I was in denial Ifelt neutral towards straight sex and men's parts. I wasn't interested in it. I saw it like something that it had to happen eventually. It did happen with a bf I had back then and I didn't like it all. Don't wanna sleep with a guy ever again. Now that I'm comfortable with my sexuality I find all of it disgusting.

 

I guess it was the same with me. But I still cannot accept the fact that I could imagine a penis touching me back then. Even if it was only wondering how this sex would feel.
I feel super grossed by this though now. And by myself then.

 

I was a bit grossed out by the idea of penetrative sex, not necessarily by the idea of a penis, because I did not see any back then, but just the idea of having something in my body. I remember very consciously making myself 'used' to this idea, and making myself think it was ok. Later I guess I've found them neutral, because they were attached to a person I liked, or were a means to feeling intimate with another person.

---------- Post added 26th Jan 2015 at 03:27 AM ----------

I don't think it makes sense to feel grossed out by yourself.
I do occasionally wonder how did I let all of this happen to me & sometimes it does feel like a betrayal to myself, but if I did dwell on it, I would just feel completely unworthy and be consumed by self-loathing, because it would be easy to see all this as me intentionally harming myself, when in reality it was all more complex: I had my reasons for my choices and those reasons made sense to me at the time, even if they don't make sense now.

The past is the past: I am happy that I am healthy and that I did not get myself trapped in an unhappy marriage, or worse: children, because then I would be stuck in there forever.

 

I've always been attracted to other guys; not much interest in sex with women. When I was married, I did like the intimacy, but for the actual sex, well I usually kept the lights off, my eyes closed and tried to think of some guy I'd rather be with.

 

I was underwhelmed and bored having sex with a girl to be honest.

I really liked the girl, so I just assumed this was what sex is like. Extremely overrated but can be fun sometimes.

Turns out if you're sexually attracted to the person it's a lot better.