1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Homophobic family. How to come out? HELP

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by LakanLunti, Jan 30, 2015.

  1. LakanLunti

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2015
    Messages:
    110
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Philippines
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I am growing up with homophobic family and i want to tell them my sexuality because it is killing me inside every time they discriminate people like me, people like us.
     
  2. bazinga91

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2013
    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    New Jersey
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Thats a very difficult situation and it is one that might take time to be ok.. I suggest maybe writing a letter with your feelings and explain to them not only that you are gay but express your fears about coming out.. this is never an easy situation and I wish you the best! I hope that helps and I hope it all goes well for you
     
  3. Yossarian

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2013
    Messages:
    1,814
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    When you are old enough to move out of your parents home and support yourself, you will be free to be who you really are. Sometimes, in a homophobic environment, you have to be patient, and prepare for your future while keeping your secrets today.
     
  4. panlove0705

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2015
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Oceanside, California
    Gender:
    Female
    I had the same problem growing up. My family was very religious and always told me being gay was bad and you'll go to hell blah blah blah. I knew I was into women as well as men, and I felt like I was a bad person for the longest time. Then I was afraid to tell them for fear of them not loving me anymore. When I finally came out they didn't believe me at first. They said it was a phase and I would get over it. They treated me like some kind of creature for a few years. Finally after I had moved out, they came to terms with it and apologized for being so closed minded about it. I personally don't think you should have to hide who you are from your own family. Regardless of how they react, be yourself and live the life you want to live and if they aren't supportive they don't need to be in your life anyway. Chances are they'll come around if they really love you. Or, you can do what yossarian said, which actually might not be that bad of an idea, considering my experience. I wish I would have done that sometimes.
     
  5. AlienEmpire1524

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2014
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    In Suburbia
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    It really depends on the details of your situation. First of all, HOW homophobic are they? If they're "I think all gay people should die" homophobic, then don't come out at all. If they're "I have nothing against gay people but being gay is really bad" homophobic, come out with caution. Second, what happens if they have a bad reaction? If they kick you out or something, do you have someplace where you could stay? Third, do you have a good relationship with them? If they already don't like you very much, don't come out.
     
  6. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    I agree with Yossarian that you have to consider the practical side of this. Be thankful that you know who you are, and you have come out to yourself. That is usually the biggest battle, and you've won it. As far as your family, they don't deserve to know if they are going to hurt you or throw you out on your own before your ready. Safety first! Once you can stand on your own two feet, you can walk however you want. (&&&)
     
  7. LakanLunti

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2015
    Messages:
    110
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Philippines
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Guys, you have no idea how HAPPY I am that you spare some little time for posting in my thread. Thank you guys! I feel a lot better now.

    I have a similar plan like what Yossarian suggested. But that's it. I will just move out but they wont know what I really am. So I will take the suggestion of bazinga91, where I will write them a letter containing my feelings and will tell them that I am gay.
    I cant come out to them face to face because I am afraid that they might hurt me physically and disown me.

    Again, THANK YOU! This made my week. This is one of the best thing that happen to me this year.
     
  8. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    that's what EC is all about! and we all benefit from sharing. however you are comfortable with coming out, once you do it, you've come out. you plan sounds great. good luck! :thumbsup:
     
  9. Mystic flower

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2015
    Messages:
    239
    Likes Received:
    74
    Location:
    Nunavut
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I have the same fear of rejection and disowning. I am in a straight marriage with children and my spouse has accepted me being bisexual. My family, however, is very homophobic and they are open about it. Each time they blurt out insults, it makes me feel sad. I used to get so angry, not sure if it was at them or at myself. It took a while to accept myself, and once I did, it was easier to breathe. But, yeah, I do not think I will be coming out to my homophobic mother just yet. Although my oldest sibling knows and is supportive. She knows how traditional and critical our mother can be.
     
  10. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    seems like I wouldn't want to spend much time around my family, if that's the case. but you're really lucky to have an understanding spouse. that's what really matters.
     
  11. Mystic flower

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2015
    Messages:
    239
    Likes Received:
    74
    Location:
    Nunavut
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    An understanding spouse makes a big difference. Although at first he was thinking of ways to spice up our intimacy. It was very toxic at first, and I felt like I was trapped in a box and had no way out. But sobering up has helped significantly, and the excitement of discovering something new has quieted down a bit. Still, I get lonely for true companionship.
     
  12. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    wow, I really can't imagine what it is like as a bisexual. as a gay man, I would love to have an understanding spouse, but I would be extraordinarily uncomfortable with any effort to spice up the sex life. In our case, we quit sex years ago. She never had a lot of interest in it, and it just got to be too much for me. What I can understand, though, is what it is like to be lonely for true companionship. I am definitely experiencing that feeling. :frowning2: