1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

My Social Anxiety Disorder

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Tmy14, Jan 31, 2015.

  1. Tmy14

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2015
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Malaysia.
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Selective mutism.
    Really hate it. Feels like every time I try to speak up, it's like somebody has taken away my voice.
    I freeze whenever people talk to me, yet I get sad when they don't.

    "He's shy, he can't talk, I'm sure he won't get a job in the future, he's such a weirdo."
    People call me all sorts of things, and I'm sure they mean well, and that they're just trying to help. But really, it's doing more damage; it's hurting me.

    Many people avoid me because of this,
    it's no wonder why I have no true supporting friend.
    I just want a voice, I say.
    I'm not a mute, I didn't want to be this way, but I am.

    They tell me that it's nothing to fear, and that it's just a phase that people go through.
    Clearly, it's not normal. It's a fortunate even for me to be able to type and post, even if I respond awkwardly.
    But I can't seek help here in my town.

    I doubt that I can find any real help on here, but all I need now are supporters.
    My life is Hell. I wish it wasn't.
     
  2. juno

    juno Guest

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2015
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Earth
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Aww. I'm sorry. I had a friend with selective mutism, although clearly not as bad as yours.
     
  3. Tmy14

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2015
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Malaysia.
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Not a day goes by without a form of bullying or discrimination.
    There is no support from neither parents nor teachers.
    But this is a small town, it's no surprise to me that they think it's just me who's like this.
    The possibility that I'm the only gay and selective mute here, is very high.
    Always alone, always misunderstood, always mistreated.

    I'm glad that I can even get a comment on here.
    Thanks Juno.
     
  4. tulipinacup

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2014
    Messages:
    571
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philippines
    Thank you for sharing your story Tmy14

    Forgive me if I am not familiar with selective mutism but I'm very sorry that you are struggling with this condition. I can only sympathise with having Social Anxiety Disorder. I think I totally get what you mean when you completely want to be ignored yet at the same time you long for just a talk with someone.

    I can assure you that you're not alone. And this is a forum where we support each other.
     
  5. Pine

    Pine Guest

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2014
    Messages:
    186
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I hope you can find someone who will talk to you without overpowering you so you can find your voice.
     
  6. bingostring

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2008
    Messages:
    2,083
    Likes Received:
    113
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hey… why have you done in terms of seeking help with it ?

    I believe Cognitive Behavioural Therapy might work well for this sort of thing. Not just the mutism but the whole social anxiety thing too.
     
  7. TheStormInside

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2014
    Messages:
    1,308
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    New England, US
    I'm sorry you feel trapped, Tmy. I've also got social anxiety disorder, though not selective mutism. I can relate to your fears. And seeing a therapist was a terrifying prospect, but it's done me a lot of good. Can you try to find someone in your area that works with anxiety disorders? Anxiety is a very common issue and there should be therapists or even counselors with experience there. When I first looked for my therapist I was too scared to use the phone so I sent out emails and that worked perfectly. You could also try getting your parents to take you to your regular doctor, and give your doctor a note asking for a referral if you're unable to ask verbally. If you're worried about people finding out you are in therapy, it's unlikely. I've been in therapy for years and only a few friends that I've specifically told know about it.
     
  8. Tmy14

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2015
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Malaysia.
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thank you all for all the replies.

    Well, see, a therapist does not exist here in my town.
    And no matter what I say, my parents still believe that it's just a phase,
    and that treatment is not necessary.

    All I can depend on is me myself, hopefully somebody in my area is understanding.
    And when I eventually do find a therapist, I wouldn't get shamed on by anyone.
    They hardly know the existence of therapy.

    But again, thanks for the support.
     
  9. bingostring

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2008
    Messages:
    2,083
    Likes Received:
    113
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hey Tmy14

    I am sorry you cannot get therapy where you are. That sucks.
    There may be someone where you live who can help you ?

    You may find as you get older that confidence improves, the social anxiety may pass on its own without therapy. I had it really bad for about 3 years but then it sort of left of its own choice!

    I hope things get better … keep chatting on EC about things - that may help a lot too.

    (*hug*)
     
  10. bingostring

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2008
    Messages:
    2,083
    Likes Received:
    113
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hey, also you can get Cognitive Behavioural Therapy type self-help books on Social Anxiety
    You can even download them from Amazon to your phone so nobody needs to know!!

    just a thought..
     
  11. Tmy14

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2015
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Malaysia.
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    (*hug*)
    I'll do that then.
    Thanks for all the help.
     
  12. MaPetite

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2015
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    San Diego
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Cognitive Behavioral Therapy will be great for you on the front of learning to cope with your Social Anxiety Disorder.

    However, as someone who's been in therapy for SAD, it's also very important to REALLY reflect on the cause of the reaction. I know it's odd, and it takes a great deal of work and often can be very scary.

    The best advice I've ever been given regarding any of the therapies I've been in is this:
    "Be gentle with yourself."
     
  13. mattyboy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2015
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Upstate NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I have suffered from Anxiety Disorder for almost my entire life.

    It can be crippling.

    I don't have selective mutism, but when conflict arises or some yells at me I can never speak up.

    The only people who truly understand are those who have suffered some form of it.

    Hope you have found some help.
     
  14. Davo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2007
    Messages:
    454
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Scotland
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think I had selective mutism for a few years when I was in high school. I had been bullied and had serious trust issues along with feeling really uncomfortable around other people. The only time I felt at ease to be me was at home but even then, because of my secret sexuality, I was still very reserved about talking.

    I was very lucky that friends I had made before I went to high school stuck by me throughout and that made it a lot easier for me at school. Don't be disheartened by what others say about you, concentrate on doing what you can to bring yourself out of your shell. Set yourself small term goals with speaking where you feel comfortable. If there is someone that you feel comfortable with, or someone who you think won't judge you and will have the patience to listen, try asking them a question or saying a small something to them. Their response will hopefully put you at ease and could maybe lead to a conversation.

    What really helped me was getting a job in a shop. Working behind the counter gave me an excuse to talk to people one-to-one on a daily basis as part of my job, and because of that function it made it easier and easier to talk to people. And I ended up really enjoying it. If you can find something like a job, or a role in a play, or something which will require you to speak where you know what will you have to say rather than having to share your own thoughts or feelings you may find that a lot easier.

    I still have social anxiety, but it can go away at times, depending on the situation and how I feel. It took me a few years, but I've managed to get control of it and am now a teacher and speaking does not bother me at all. So it is possible to get a job in the future, just set yourselves manageable goals to try and feel more comfortable with communicating and you will get there.
     
  15. HunGuy

    HunGuy Guest

    I'm a silent guy too. Being introverted is not a defect, not a phase, and nothing to be ashamed of. Unfortunately we are the minority in this extroverted world. I recommend you read this book:

    "Quiet: the Power of Introverts in a World that can't stop talking" by Susan Cain. She says a lot of useful things that can place things in another perspective.
     
  16. Tmy14

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2015
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Malaysia.
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    .. Now.
    I'm getting mixed messages.
    One wants me to get help, the other wants me to help myself by forcing myself into social activities.
    Then others show sympathy and support, while another says that it is nothing different than homosexuality and not a phase.

    :icon_eek:

    ---------- Post added 1st Feb 2015 at 07:18 PM ----------

    :icon_eek:

    So I have supporters, people who show sympathy,
    people who are offering some help to cure me,
    and that one gay who says it's not a defect or phase.

    Help.
     
  17. Notelling

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2015
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Reykjavík
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I feel you with the anxiety thing. I have an anxiety disorder which stops me from doing a lot of things. It also doesn't help that I also have NLD, I have being told to ,, just go talk to these kids" or that I should ,,shallow my pride" and things like that. Sadly I don't really have any advice for you, I wish I had. But maybe it's a help to know that you are not alone. Stay strong.
     
  18. JayDoodle

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2015
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Tmy14,

    There are so many things I want to say but I am having difficulties finding my words so please bear with me. I am sorry that you have social anxiety disorder and by all means, I empathise with you on that. I can only imagine what it is like to be unable to speak to someone who is trying to talk to you. The amount of pressure that you must feel during that time, I can understand to a degree. As someone who suffers from anxiety and used to have trouble speaking to others -especially if I didn't know them-, I will never understand fully how you feel because I am not in your shoes but I can one hundred percent offer you my support.

    If it helps any, I was always the quiet individual at the back of the class way too shy and nervous to speak to anyone, so much so that I would pass on my presentations so that I wouldn't have to speak in front of the class. There were also times in gym class where I'd sit out and fake being unwell because my anxiety levels were so high that I was practically shaking and too frightened to speak with anyone or play a sport in fear that I'd mess up and everyone would look down on me for that. The amount of fear that presents itself is unbearable. But what did I do? Well, my mother actually forced me to take this class that came out called a Speaking Course. I do not know if you have one of these where you live but holy cow it helped me as an individual all the more. It started off embarrassing and it worried me to speak in front of everyone until I realized that everybody else was worried about the same thing too, how they would feel speaking to a whole class let alone just one person. Even to this day I sometimes stumble over my words because I worry that what I am about to say may harm someone else in some way. I also panic way too hard if someone raises their voice at me and I find words impossible to construct. Just my story of course but it probably doesn't help much.

    Although with every bit of darkness, there is light. The good thing is you are able to talk to others freely on this forum, right? Having a community even online can be (and feel) much more real and comforting than one in person. Do you find that it helps you more to speak here than in person? Are there classes that you can potentially take over there? I noticed you mentioned your town was small so there may not be people like that... is there potentially anyone you can speak to in the next city/town over? Or perhaps a phone line that you can call that may help you find someone to speak to? There may not be therapists but I have heard that some therapists and psychologists (if you're looking for one of course) can make over-the-phone sessions with you!

    I hope that in some way, shape or form that I was help in some fashion. I have to agree with the books that others have suggested! Anyway, I do hope that someone somewhere close to you will create a friendship with you that is long lasting and helps you in the future, someone that you can speak with freely. ^^
     
  19. Tmy14

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2015
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Malaysia.
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I am mixed feelings over this now.
    A part of me wants to change.
    The other wants to keep myself as my own person.
    One treats this like a curable disease,
    the other tries to convince that it is not a disorder, but a personality trait.
    This will be rough...

    But in the end.
    I've decided to try and change for the better.
    I dislike the fact that people only want to befriend extroverts,
    but I can see why.

    Thanks for all the suggestions.
    Now I don't need to resort to sign language anymore.
     
  20. JT7314

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2015
    Messages:
    61
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Michigan
    Gender:
    Female
    :slight_smile:I used to be exactly like you. I starting forcing myself into social situations and making myself get more involved. I also googled how to help myself with this and to get ideas of how to cope. If you have a high anxiety level, like i do, i know how difficult it is. There are many ways you can handle your anxiety levels. People used to think i was mute especially in high school. But with hard work, i am now engaged and way more talkative and i have multiple friends. You could also get help from your doctor on this issue as well. But i would try research and experiement with different social situations first. like becoming part of an online community and getting support is a great first step:welcome: