When did you know you were gay

Not to bash your analysis but about 99% of all guys would say the same thing about girlfriends at age six. Most any six year old boy might tell you "Girls have cooties".

But then over 90% of those boys would do most anything for hetero sex given time.

 

Always, as far as I can remember. For certain of course at my puberty in 14 years of age.

 

I started to have feelings for guys around 12-13 or so, but I also liked girls so I just assumed the feelings toward guys were a "bromance" (or what have you). After a few relationships with women I started to question why something felt "off" and just why it wasn't working. I'd say probably about 21-22 I seriously entertained the idea I might be gay and took a few more years to come to terms with my sexuality and that you can have some feelings toward both sexes.

 

Since you are single and free to do some "experimenting", my suggestion would be to try to meet some guys in a setting where sex might be expected when you find someone who is "attractive" and see what happens with a "real" person in real life, not just what you might be projecting in your acknowledged "obsessive and compulsive" head. You seem to be severely overthinking rather than actually experiencing your feelings, so an injection of reality might lead you directly to what the truth of your sexuality is. If you find that you really don't like sexual situations with other males, it should free you to pursue what you actually do like, without those compulsions.

 

I feel for you Blues as I have struggled a lot as well. However, once I started watching gay porn...well it was all over for me. It is now what I watch 95% of the time. Sometimes, I watch other stuff but it is rare and I end with gay porn. I have also explored with chat and cam but have not been with a guy physically. I also really want that romance with a man too. However, I am attracted to women too.

The one thing I never have had is a crush on a guy. However, I am beginning to realize that I am desperately scared of crushing on a straight guy. I am now checking out guys and not worrying about whether they think I have a crush on them. I am trying out being gay all the time...if only in my own head.

 

Porn is not real...

I am gay and some of it turns me off.

 

Actually, nothing of what you have said indicates that you are gay. You look 100% straight to me. Being gay means you have a strong desire to be with a guy, and this usually starts at a young age. Most people knew they were LGBT since their childhood.

However, I would like to ask about your relationship with your girlfriend. How do you feel about your relationship? are you attracted to her sexually and emotionally? Examining your relationship with her could clear things for you.

Good Luck

 

This is kind of embarrassing... I kinda fapped to gay eye candy when I was 12, and that's how I found out.

 

I'm a young'un so I shouldn't be here haha

I knew my sexuality was... Different... Since I was reallyyy little.

 

I remember wondering when I was 14 or 15. I scoured the library for books, but nothing really resonated. Books were hard to find, and they were mostly outdated psychological research. The Internet didn't really exist.

On TV, I just saw stories about AIDS, and that didn't seem like me.

But when I was 16, I had a good friend. He was Icelandic, and I was in high school in Australia.

A female friend said to me, "Oh, you're friends with _____? He's cute." I paused, and just pondered that thought. "Can a guy be cute? Can I think that a guy is cute? Is that possible?"

Soon thereafter, he was staying over in my room. I looked at him as we went to go to sleep (in separate beds,) and I thought "Oh he is cute! Wow." This was followed by a series of expletives in my mind.

Nothing ever happened between us, and he never knew. He lives in Iceland with his wife and three daughters.

Fearful and confused as I was, he changed my life.

 

Hello Blues,

Just my thoughts, you probably aren't gay in my opinion. You could be bi, although in my opinion you would actually have to have some sort of attraction to guys to call yourself bi.
I realised I was bi at 19ish, but thinking back, I had same sex attractions WAY before that.
It may well be that you are depressed at the moment and are looking for an explanation why. I hope you are able to find the answer.

 

Technically speaking I've been gay for my whole damned life... Until girls around me started to become women... And so did a particular body too. Then everything became suddenly too complicated to handle, so I supressed most of my emotions about my gender and orientation.

Still, there was movies that got me mesmerized, charmed... Think about 'My beautiful laundrette", "Lawrence from Arabia", that 90s movie about Oscar Wilde... And the story of Wilde and his destructive affair... Feasting with panters, what an expression, and how I longed to be there...

Some kids and teenagers I met, you know, they also gave me clues. The kind of guys who are told names and act different. There was this boy that used to look at me in a peculiar way, just like girls do. He used to look for my company, and we had a very strange dynamic... He seemed to act even more feminine when we were alone. He drove me crazy, but I was way too confused back then by the whole thing. I must have been 11 or 10... I still got his bright eyes and his smile on my mind. He was a doll, he really was...

Then later I met a gay man (again effeminate), and he showed me a bit around : The places, the people, the signals, the codes, the gossip... I loved it and wanted to belong there. For some reason I was very well received, and felt at home with the boys... And the music... And the eye candy... I never met such a friendly, open and funny pack... We drank too much as well back then, which lead us to interesting situations... A couple of times

The trouble is you can't call yourself gay if you belong to the opposite gender, and I spent most of my life in denial... So, officially only six months or so, even if I've been attracted to gay men all my life.

 

I suggest not getting too committed in any relationship until you feel you have sorted this out. it is pretty awful figuring it out and realizing that you are in a marriage with a woman who didn't suspect what she was getting herself into.
Having said that, I was in deep denial, deeply in the closet, even though I was most stimulated by gay porn, and by the males in straight porn when that was showing, I always fantasized about men, and even had sex with men, but kept thinking it was just an "exception to the rule," and that I was really straight. yes, I know, very deep denial. your story sounds a lot different, because you haven't had a lot of those kinds of feeling or experiences. nonetheless, you are asking the questions, which means you should keep asking and exploring until you find the answers. get to know yourself, and enjoy the journey. and then you'll be happy wherever you end up, knowing that you are where you belong.

 

I've always known that I'm attracted to women. I also grew up in a very conservative religious family and so being anything but straight was unacceptable. So I set about trying to be straight and ignore my attraction to the same sex. Now here I am, 36 years old, in my 2nd marriage to a man and I'm still unhappy because this is not where I want to be. Unfortunately it's not just about me as I have 3 young children to consider. I can't even gather the courage to tell anyone I know about this. I'm a coward...I must be.

 

Hi,

How long have you been together? I came to love the woman I married quickly and I am gay.

The use of "like" struck me odd. It could just be symantics.

Do you love her?

 

I really agree with Wildside here. I have been in denial too but if anyone objectively could look in my brain they would probably characterize me as gay...the constant gay porn (yes I don't like all of it but when I watch porn it is only gay stuff - I sometimes just look for guys kissing), fantasies of gay romance, cam and cybersex with other men, dating profiles on gay hook-up sites, and attending a few gay men's coming out groups....This is my past and present and I think it is more clearly lines up with being gay.

Nobody knows about you however and it would be worth talking to someone about it. However, when I compare your story and mine...I think I am much much higher on the Kinsey scale then you my friend.

 

I think your problem is not about your sexuality. It is something related to your self-esteem. Nothing indicates that you are gay. However, that is something only you can decide. (*hug*)