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I don't even know... :(

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Aeolia, Mar 1, 2015.

  1. Aeolia

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    Hi peeps !

    Well, I've known that I liked guys since I was 13 -I'm 18 now and I'm a male-, a feeling which quickly grew in a "bisexual mostly attired by the opposite sex", I've never had any problem with that, and I lived pretty well. However last summer, depression came... (For various reason, but my orientation didn't have anything to do with it)
    And I ended up in a state in which I tended to ask myself dozens and dozens of questions. And it came to my mind that I liked men way more than I used to. I fell in love during this period, but for a girl, and it gradually grew in a way that she was the only girl I would be interested in. Even though I still felt attracted to boys, girls were like... unappealing. Once I got that it just wouldn't work, it didn't hurt me that much tho, it was like girls slipped out of my mind. And the mere idea of being with a girl repulses me. Thus I understood that well... I like men.
    However, ever since I've realized that I only liked guys, I've been questioning myself about my gender. Even though it already happened to me to be fascinated by those boys who could look like girls and all... And I was jealous of Ranma 1/2 (for those who know xD). When I was with a girl I wanted to play the role of the one protecting her, but now I'm sick of this role... I want a man that would look at me the same way I used to look at a girl. I'm growing more and more jealous of girls since it's easier for them to be cute, sexy and all those things that make guys find them adorable. I tend to want to become more and more effeminate too... I don't feel the same things that transgenders do, in my dreams I'm still a male for example, but it happened to me to wear girls clothes in those dreams. I even started to hate the fact that I'm 180cm tall, my large bones and all those manly features that I was born with...
    I've looked for what a Demi Girl, Demi Boy was, it almost feels right but... I'm not sure...

    I'm still in depression so I can't help but spend my time thinking about those things... It's driving me crazy, please help... :frowning2:
     
    #1 Aeolia, Mar 1, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2015
  2. girlpower

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    Hi! sorry that you going through all this. must be tough. but have consider go see a therapist who is specialized in this matter? or maybe try talking to a person ..i mean like f2f.. who would have gone through all this and might help you deal with the situation. tc!

    ---------- Post added 1st Mar 2015 at 09:34 PM ----------

    have you considered*
     
  3. Aeolia

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    Thanks ! Well I'll try to talk about this next time I see my therapist... Thanks again
     
  4. Tardis221B

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    Hey Aeolia,

    That's a good idea to bring this up with your therapist, they might be able to offer up some questions for you to consider and to think over that will help you to make more sense out of your identity.

    Questioning gender is a process and it takes time, and I hope that things will start to make more sense to you given time.


    If you ever want to chat, about gender or whatever, feel free to leave a message on my wall, I'd be happy to listen. (*hug*)
     
  5. Aeolia

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    Thanks you a lot mate !
     
  6. shota

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    I just want to trade with a transgender woman
     
  7. Aeolia

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    Well... I was wondering... Does someone know what makes one a male or a female ?.. Please ?
     
  8. randomly me

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    i don't really think there's something that makes you male or female.I mean there a women who act and look like a completely cis male but identify as female.There are crossdressers who wear dresses their entire life and still identify as male.On the other hand there are very femmy transboys and tomboy transgirls.There are trans people who never do surgery and are content with their body but still don't identify with their assigned birth gender.As you can see neither gender roles or looks have to play a role in it.They can make it easier to understand who you are but they are no guidelines.In conclusion there is nothing that makes one a woman a man or non binary it's something you have to feel on the inside....

    ---------- Post added 2nd Mar 2015 at 01:13 PM ----------

    sorry that didn't help at all did it?
     
  9. Aeolia

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    Well, thanks. It did help me though... I was only lookin for gender roles and all... But errr... I don't really fit in any... So I guess I'll have to find by myself, thanks again :slight_smile: