Let me preface this by saying that I am only close friends with three people from high school still (it's my second year in college), and that I don't have a lot of experience with 'making friends' if that makes sense, because the friends I do have, I've been friends with for many years. I was sitting in the campus quad yesterday, on my phone and tweeting (admittedly), and this cute girl a few feet away says, "excuse me, do you have the time?" I gave it to her. A few moments later, she asked if I had a class later, and I told her it was scholars music. She asked what that meant, and I told her about the honors program and my major in the upmost succinct fashion. About two minutes later, she says it was nice talking to me, and leaves. :help: I wasn't trying to be cold or unfriendly, but I was the closest I could be to rude without actually being rude. It also had to do with the fact that despite sometimes acting like I'm not, I'm quite shy. For whatever reason, I can speak in front of my class with no problems at all, but once I'm one-on-one with someone, it's TERRIFYING. :eusa_doh: This may also be why I don't have an abundance of friends. Are you the same way? How do you deal with this? Thanks, guys. (&&&)
This is me X.X The only way to remedy it is to take an interest in the other person. If you assume they just want to know about you and satisfy their questions, it will look like you don't give the slightest crap about them in return even if you like the person. If you actually don't, mission accomplished but if you want to make friends, you have to poke their own interests and connect over something.
First thing first, it seems to me that this girl was totally hittin on you xD Since you didn't look interested, it's quite normal for her to just leave. A great way to fight shyness would be acting. I used to be the type of kid who would get his whole world turned upside down if he had to speak in front of a crowd. But well, even though depression came and all those stuff, I never had to feel shy ever since I've taken acting class and started dancing in the street. Also you might just be an introvert too haha
Yes, she was hitting on you, and realized you were in the music program. :0 ugh. I have such a problem with this. If I ask questions, I usually feel like I am either a) asking too personal of questions they don't want to answer (even if they aren't personal) or b) I am interrogating them.
I'm like this too, and I've been told since I was young that I can come off arrogant as well as cold. I'm not an emotional person either, so when other people are freaking out, upset, excited, whatever, I can't sympathize with them on that emotional/physical level that most people expect. As I've grown up a little bit, I can fake it better. I can tell when I'm not being as personable as the other person wants me to be and can either give an excuse as to why I 'can't' or can put on a bit of a show. (You were on your phone, you could've given her a line like 'sorry, my mom/dad/sibling/bff/bf is freaking out about something') Also as I've grown up, I don't care as much. I've always been this way and the people that I'm close to, know that that's me. When I want to make new friends or when I'm with co-workers I turn on the fake-caring act but otherwise, this is me, don't like it, you don't have to.
I think it was a normal reaction from you, being gay and having a cute little shy female flower (tm) trying her luck. Next time, send her over to me I tend to be cold with random strangers, and specially with the ones of the male species, sub species older than me and stupidly smiling. I know already where the true interest is, and because I don't reciprocate at all, I don't see the point in being friendly... That doesn't mean I'm being rude, that means I draw the line, and I have my right to do so 'cause this is my fucking life we are talking about, and I decide who is in and who will be out. Since I made a few changes on my appearance, uncomfortable situations are happening less, but they are still looking at me, the silly buggers, maybe even more, and a few of them have still the nerve to try. You can change the ways you interact with people, but the question is why. The people who will like you for being you, will like you for being cold and reserved too. I don't like smiley extroverts trying to be super friendly just because. It's fake, it's stupid, and above all is awfully sad. They are trying to be likeable, which means they are dependent on others. It's just pathetic... There is no substance there, none at all. There is no need to fake anything. There is no need to feel guilty. Also, if you change your ways, you have to live with it, the idea of having changed to meet someone else's expectations. I don't think such a change is really worth it on the long run...
Don't know if I'm icy, but sometimes, I just don't know what to say to people. Even people I know. When it happens, I get this terrible feeling that I want to be anywhere else except with this person.
Yeah, I know what you mean. Especially at the beginning it can seem like you're asking someone to take a survey if you hit them with rapid-fire questions. The key is the other person has to reciprocate and ask questions of their own and hopefully some of them will lead to a connection, but if not it's easy to feel like you're interrogating them which sucks.
Well i am super smiley, hapoy person and im not trying to hide anything, im simply not depressed or suicidal, cuz i dont see ny reason for that. Its not worth it, so anyone that thinks that just bcuz someone is super bubbly they r hiding somthing or they r acting ur wrong, there is a such thing as happy people
My natural inclination towards people is So I have to catch myself, and make it more like It has taken a few years, but I am a lot better at being around others. Before this improvement, I tended to be rather mean and even manipulative, because it worked. However, I learned being nice to people, is a lot easier -- if you want something. Scaring or forcing people into giving you something, sure, it may get you what you want, but you have to constantly reinforce it. With being kind, you do it for a little while, it sticks, and people will tend to always associate you with that 'first impression'. You leave a negative impression, even if you work on being better, folks will always have that doubt or reservation about you; but leave a positive impression, even if you retract kindness or dabble in negativity, people take longer to see what you're really doing, who you actually are. This is why those who abuse others, sociopaths, and con artists, are able to operate as long as they do. People constantly associate them with that good first impression, and will justify or disregard any harsh or inconsiderate things they do -- basically, they're taking an individual's belief in the good of life, in the potential of others, for granted; banking on it to last, just so they can get what they want. Even if people start to question their intentions, they will chalk it up to 'a quirk' or 'just being a human', that they're being a little intolerable. I could write about this all day, but I believe the point was made. I know a thing or two about being icy. Therapy didn't do much for me. Discipline from others did even less. It was something I had to learn, for myself, because it was too easy to justify being like that. I got what I wanted, and I made it to see another day -- why did I need to change? You take a hard look at yourself, and you ask, am I being a solution or a problem? If you are the former, bravo, you're one step to making life a bit more enjoyable, but if you are the latter, well, you can't really get rightfully pissed about life, because you are contributing to the hardships of it. It'd be like having an issue with burning yourself, but setting fire to your house -- it's stupid, unproductive even. For me to even begin to break the cycle I was in, it was imperative that I make some changes. Possessing the ego that I do, I made a self-wager with myself, that I would be nicer and more helpful to others. What began as a rather selfish bet, based on just to see if I could, gradually turned into an authentic experience, which allowed me to form a foundation of genuineness. I knew why people felt the way they did, about this and that, but it was not understood. Eventually I was able to fathom this, and that is when everything clicked together, the moment I embraced this tidbit: Every word you speak, a seed. Every act you perform, a root. Every bond you share, a marvel. Every soul you touch, a legacy. While I still have my snappy moments, and frustration does claim my mood at times, I will always do my best to deliver unto others, a sense of comfort and a source of concern. People will most likely forget your name, but not that you made them feel good. People will most likely forget your face, but not that you made them feel meaningful. People will most likely forget your identity, but not that you made them feel valued. When you do this, though it can be troublesome at first, you start to see results, you start to feel what you give to others, and you can take pride in knowing, you defied the world as opposed to conforming to it. That is what I tell myself, and this is how I thawed.
You guys aren't icy in my eyes you guys are superfly :eusa_danc.......you might be jive at times but your still classy.
