What would "end" it right then, for you?

Nothing, I don't have it in me to be that cold, I try to accept flaws rather than condemn them... If I run into something that I don't like about the person, I'd want to try to understand things from their perspective... Instead of always trying to have things my way... I just don't see how "deal breakers" solve anything... It seems so immature to me...

 

So no matter what they do, you stay with them?

Hahahaha, don't make me laugh. What if they got addicted to meth? What if they had a severe mental illness? What if they had a history of cheating?

To stay with someone who makes you miserable; someone you dislike. THAT is immature.

 

That isn't what I was saying... Is just rather talk to them then right them off... I'm not suggesting everything would just work out. I'm merely suggesting that "one thing" is to little to break things up for me, there's ways around one thing. There would have to be a lot more to it than that to end things..

 

being racist, homophobic, a misogynist/misandrist, animal abuser, abusive (to me or others), cheater, drug/alcohol addict, compulsive liar/know-it-all and consistent passive aggressive behavior.

 

Bad manners would terminate the relationship if they failed to learn to behave on the most basic level I find acceptable. Unfortunately, as you say, the zombie apocalypse has kind of happened.

Lying might end the relationship if it was a big lie but it would also depend on why they lied. I couldn't date a pathological liar. It would ruin my mental health. I used to be a very cynical person and I don't want to return to that state.

Cheating would probably end the relationship, 99% certain if they didn't own up to it, but if they did then I MIGHT give them a 2nd chance. I don't give 3rd chances. It's difficult to imagine this happening to me.

Stealing money from me would almost certainly doom the relationship because it probably proves they only see me as a resource. They better have a bloody good explanation like somebody held a gun to their head and made them steal it. I'm not a charity.

Drug use depends (esp. considering differences between drugs) and might end the relationship. I could never date a drug addict and I hate the smell of some drugs. Okay, I'll be blunt, I have a strict policy of never mixing drugs (including alcohol) and sex. It's too dangerous. Otherwise, prescribed medication is fine and so is responsible drinking.

Dangerous driving would probably spell the end because even I wouldn't be that reckless. I might be a bit of a thrillseeker but I don't believe I'm invincible. Endangering the lives of other people, is just adding insult to injury. I think, empathy, is the highest trait I value in a partner.

I could never date an alcoholic. It would be over. I've played therapist too many times to people affected by alcoholic partners. I know the cycle and some people are impossible to rehabilitate.

Abuse? They can fuck right off if they so much as sympathise with child molesters and/or if they've ever raped anyone. I know it's going to sound warped but I'd sooner forgive a murderer. If by verbal abuse, you mean a person that can't argue like an adult, then, yes, that emotional immaturity would terminate the relationship. Shape up or ship out.

Bad B.O would mean the relationship doesn't even get off the ground. I can't stand people that look unkempt nor those who can't be bothered to maintain a basic level of hygiene. It's not much to ask.

I bet there are more I can't think of right now. Plus this is going to sound hilarious but I don't settle for magikarps permanently holding everstones. I like people with some fight in them.

 

Lol! Well done!

I'm pretty forgiving (meaning I will let anyone get away with just about anything) but I make an effort to get angry about certain things in a relationship. Deal breakers would be any kind of abusive behaviour (including accusing me of cheating), breaking my trust or confidence, not having a steady future, a lack of compassion, and trying to put me into a feminine role (i.e.: housework, cooking, etc.). I guess excessive drug/alcohol use would bother me, and 'cheating' if it went against our terms or wasn't mutually respected.

 

I like totally agree gaysibling

 

Someone who doesn't respect my privacy. It would feel terrible to not be trusted. Even light drug use, I could probably not deal with, either.

 

Drug user, smoker, animal-abuser, child-abuser, religious, transphobe, close-minded, conservative, abusive, unable to have a meaningful conversation, cheater... if I think of something else, I'll put it.

 

The main deal breaker is only one for me : Being a (proven, certified) coward.

This shows by having one (or more) of the following : Being a son of a bitch first, then invade my space/territory, the use of illegal drugs (including pot, yes), being on psychiatric drugs (all of them), being an alcoholic, doing illegal stuff for whatever reason (reckless driving, stealing... The list is endless...), contempt for human lives in general, trying to convince me of changing any single of my personal traits or the way I live my life, trying to control me in any way, getting caught with your dirty paws over any of my computers, to exercise gossip and to critizise others systematically while you presume yourself flawless, talking about having been hurt by your ex or your mother/father and not being over it , also blaming others for your shit (big red flag), talking idiotic nonsense about men or women in general as in "men are scum" or "women are scum", as well as they didn't gave me the love I needed but I still believe in love victim-stories...

I might tolerate a few of such flaws (except drug use) if I think the sex is good enough and you keep me entertained, but sooner or later (usually when I finish my analysis of who are you really and where does all your shit come from) it'll be over. And the day smoking cigs is illegal, and it being illegal forces me to look for dealers, that day is the day I quit smoking.

Also eating corpses or being a cannibal, carrying out bestiality, and being a sex offender are on my list.

 

I like to think that I would tolerate a lot of bad things, after all, if you're in a relationship, marriage, engagement whatever, you love them, so there has to be some leeway for acceptance. But I would draw the line at second time cheating. I would eventually forgive one account of cheating, as everyone makes mistakes - but a second time I would call it off.

 

A relationship between a woman and me ends when:

- She doesn't accept my manly side trying to repress it, forces me to be more feminine and to have feminine roles (like holding hands in public, talking about clothes, cooking...);

- She want me to be more "butch", because she think that a person is manly only being gross. I hate this. I can be manly and refined at the same time;

- She is a drugs user (all type of drugs, including marijuana);

- She wants to be the dominant one;

- She is a liar;

- She is a cheater (also only one time, I don't forgive);

- She doesn't accept my family;

- She forces me to believe in her religion or to be atheist;

- She doesn't like animals and doesn't accept my dog;

- She is presumptuous and believe that she is smarter than me;

- She isn't sweet and assertive;

- She is ill-mannered;

the list is very long...

 

Lack of respect

 

I think the only thing that ends it "right then" as in the thread title, would be physical abuse. I think everything else can at least be attempted to work through. Given, verbal abuse, cheating, and general disrespect (another form of verbal abuse) will be a huge barrier to overcome and likely cause the relationship to end down the road. The only thing that would immediately make me leave is if anyone lays an unwanted hand on me.

 

That pretty much sums things up; issues of honesty, fidelity, loyalty. This is what for me is an absolute deal breaker. Other things like bad habits, offensive or obnoxious behaviors, conflicting belief systems, employability, intellect, etc. are all going to be evident before a relationship begins, and , therefore, moot. Respect is different and is a trait that may not be readily evident, but it is the one that matters most to me. I may be embarrassed by or dislike other behaviors, but they don't so much speak about a person and their character as the question of respect. Lack of it is a deal breaker. No further discussion needed. Pack up and get out.

 

I am... baffled... about the hostility to marijuana. I can understand, it being illegal and wanting to avoid that trouble, that's fine. Responsible use is possible. I'd rather deal with a pot head than an alcoholic, which brings me to...

Alcohol:
I personally do not like alcohol. I grew up around, and it was, usually, always an enhancement to problems. My father would drink, my mother would drink, and, when I was selling narcotics, only two types of people were the problem-makers: the alcohol drinkers, and the cocaine users. I never had somebody come beat at my door, at 3 AM, asking if they could have a gram of weed to smoke, but there were plenty of people asking out and about due to drunkenness, or asking for a single line.

Now, you might be thinking. Well damn Kaiser, a lot of us drink. Yes, I know, but I also know there can be responsible drinkers. It's when people indulge in something to escape that it becomes a problem, or they feel they need it to function, and this is true for anything. Liquor, weed, even prescription medication and energy drinks. This would be a deal breaker for me, not so much what you do, but why you do it, in this case. I can deal with somebody who drinks, but when that begins to take a higher priority than, say, taking care of themselves, our relationship, and so forth, it becomes a problem.

Me, personally, I smoke marijuana once or twice a week, and it's usually before I:

- Work out (walk/jog/run/lift).
- Meditate.
- Write or draw.

I don't need it, but it's a nice resource. I like to think of myself as the pot smoker that anti-marijuana candidates hate, because I break their stereotypes. Of course, it isn't a totally harmless product, mind you, but neither are Republicans -- I've yet to see weed discriminate. If this puts me on par with liars and abusers to some, fuck it, I probably don't want to be around that type of mentality anyway.

Inability to Progress:
Life sucks sometimes, I know. Depression may set in, and you may want time to rest. Fine. But when all you do is bitch and moan, instead of at least trying to find a solution, this is a problem. When all you do is make up excuses, instead of at least trying to find an alternative, this is a problem. When all you do is play the pity party game, instead of at least trying to take some pride in yourself, this is a problem.

I understand, again, that life sucks sometimes, and things happen. That is fine. But when the relationship see-saw is always tilting towards you, this is a problem. It's natural to go back and forth, to give and take, to exchange and cherish, because that is how a relationship should function. Depending on the situation, the relationship see-saw may stay tilted one way for a while, and this is fine. It's when it never moves again that something is wrong. If no progress is being made, and you passive-aggressively resist, that it may be time for an intervention, and the axe if this fails.

I have 99 problems, finding hope ain't one.
If I'm having to carry the both of us, all the time, then the relationship is practically doomed. I can carry myself -- it's called being single.

Lack of Respect:
I shouldn't have to go into much detail on this. Others have addressed and covered it, but I'll toss in my two cents.

You don't have to agree with me. But if you can't talk to me about something, at least, there is a problem. I can understand, it may be something traumatic or hard, and time is needed, but at least tell me you need the time. If you can't trust me, when you have a dilemma, how can we grow?

It's easy to bond over the good times, almost anybody can do that. The real test -- what I want to really know is -- when our backs are pressed against the wall, can I count on you to cover mine like I'll cover your's? Or are you going to betray my trust and confidence in you, by bailing on me?

Treat me well, and I will give you the world.

Every thing else is, as others have stated, kind of obvious or will be, before a serious relationship can start. This would include "hard" drugs, because you can spot that pretty easily. I may also have the advantage of knowing, the key things to look for, if I am in a relationship with a "heavy" drug user, so I can confront and remove myself if need be.

 

Abuse. Abuse is where I draw the line.

Fortunately, I don't see that happening too soon.

 

Abuse of any kind to any living thing.
Does anything illegal.
Cheater/Liar.
Addicted to anything.
"I don't believe in evolution."
Hunter/Fan of guns.
Frequent/Heavy drinker.
Wants biological children.
Perpetually angry/Likes to yell.
Very strong sex drive.
Holds any other political/religious beliefs that'll cause an argument whenever discussed.

The last two are there to save us from some grief, but are potentially compromisable in the right circumstances.

 

Cheating - If the person was intoxicated then maybe, but other than that hell no. It's not fair to me and it's not fair to you if I feel like I can never trust you again. I basically have the mentality that if your going to cheat on me, your not worth my time. Sorry.
Abusive - Pretty self explanatory
Controlling..
Non existent sex drive - I have a fairly high sex drive so I don't think it would work
Doesn't want to put in any effort - Both parties must put effort into the relationship
Overly jealous/possessive/no trust - I get jealous, but there should be a limit and my partner should be able to trust me
Drugs - Weed depends on how often
Heavy smokers - I'm not fond of smoking at all, but if it's occasional then I can handle it
Can't have long meaningful conversations - Hate small talk
No sense of humor/inability to have fun/too serious
Doesn't get along with anyone I hold close to me
Zero romance - Ew, I wan't someone who is going to hold me at night

There are probably a lot more, but I'm lazy now

 

Aside from the obvious problems (Abusive, bad mannered, loudmouthed e.t.c.) I'd have to say lack of intelligent humor. I like funny guys and enjoy a sharp wit so if the guy I'm dating is unbearably dumb when it comes to humor then he's gots to go! I remember third wheeling with a friend on her date and making up some excuse to leave early as the guy she was with had such a childish, unfunny and somewhat nonsensical sense of humor. It was so awkward :lol: