Very simply put, I am queer. And I hate myself for it. I've known I was this way since I was in middle school, and it seemed there was hatred everywhere. Boys were supposed to love girls and, vice versa. There was no other way. I started denying myself. Maybe it's just a phase, maybe this is all a nightmare, maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and I'll be normal. But it wouldn't go away. Eventually, I tried to cope. I came out to a few people, but no matter how I tried to tell myself that it wasn't my fault and there was nothing wrong with me, I had a nagging feeling. Everytime I was turned on by another guy, I felt shameful. The shame and guilt piled up until I broke, and ended up nearly committing suicide. Now I'm still trying to pick up the pieces of my shattered psyche, and I still wonder, if there is a god up there, why did he have to make me this way. Why?
DefeatedSigh, I'm sorry to hear of your pain *hugs* I think a lot of us here know this feeling all too well & I've been in your shoes before questioning my own sexuality & why I had to be gay. Be aware that there is NOTHING wrong with you and if anyone ever tells you there is, there is something wrong with them and you ought to question their motives. There are millions upon millions of lgbt people out there. There is nothing wrong with wanting to love another man. Anyone working against love I always question immediately.
Love is love man. Liking a dick or a vagina doesn't define who you are as a person. Dont be too hard on yourself okay?(*hug*)
