I have a friend who I've known since I was thirteen and he is gravely ill in hospital. He has terminal cancer and isn't expected to see the week out. I am working 390 miles away from him and I'm going to drive straight there tomorrow night. I have been told to prepare myself because he is unrecognisable from the person I knew. Four years ago, he confided to me that he was passing blood yet he would only ask the doctor for pain killers for an existing ailment. So many times I urged him to tell his doctor exactly what was happening and not to be embarrassed. I noticed that he was smelling, and that I just knew it was extremely serious. He still wouldn't go and see his GP. He eventually did go last year and within a month he had lost half his weight and was admitted to hospital where cancer was discovered. I gave him money to keep his apartment warm, and to buy food with. I took him out in my car to retain that sense of normality, but no matter what, I still feel like there was maybe more that could be done, not just by myself, but by people in general. I just can't believe it has come to this, and it just doesn't seem real. I just wish he went to his doctor earlier.
OMFG! What does one say? You were there for him. You are the best friend this guy could ever hope to have. You aren't superhuman.......you did what was in your power to do. If we all had friends like you, there would be no war, pestilence, or hatred in the world. YOU are freeking awesome! I'm afraid all you can do now, is just be the most awesomest friend a guy could have........sitting there next to him.
I've lost people to cancer and I asked myself this question too Joelouis, but on reflection, I don't see what I could have done. Would earlier intervention have made a difference? Maybe.. maybe not. When we are facing the prospect of losing someone dear to us it's natural to ask this (and other) questions, but they are nearly always circling questions with no firm answers and it can only hurt us more to consider them. It's clear that you have been a true friend and I'm sorry you are going through this now. I hope your friend will receive the best care so he is comfortable and free of pain. Your presence will make a difference. Take care.
you did what you could. it takes courage and dedication to be a friend in a situation like that. you got a huge heart. even if he isn't the person that you used to know, it makes a big difference in his eyes, knowing that he at least had someone by his side. the grieving process won't be easy in any situation, but you would have the chance to say goodbye.
You were a good friend and did your best. People are proud and you cannot blame yourself for not being able to see into the future.
You're not responsible for his choices and by the sound of it you did everything you could to help. It's a very sad situation but at least you have been there for him when he needed you.
I'm sorry. You are definitely behaving like a good,decent human being. Just being there is all you can do for him right now. He made his own choice... You can't change or influence people, you can only love and forgive them. More people like you is what this world needs. I'm sure he is grateful for all you are doing. Whatever you do, please don't forget to take care of yourself too. Keep us updated, you are not alone.
Thanks for the replies everyone, they are really appreciated. So I got back home at 03:20 this morning and went over to him at 11:30. He is in a separate room away from the general wards, and as I opened the door I was honestly stunned. He has no weight to him at all and looked like an old man. He can still talk, but with a definite weakness to his voice. He still managed a smile and said it was really good to see me. After half an hour or so, he said "I just don't want to go yet....I'm so scared". Obviously that was really sad to hear. He said that they (maybe meeting the doctors) have been encouraging him to talk about it but that he just didn't want to. But he said to me that he wanted to be buried up near where his sister is buried. I know death comes to us all but to see someone suffer like this is just too much to bear. ---------- Post added 4th May 2015 at 10:29 AM ----------
Mister Tinkles speaks the wise words of truth, once again. I hope you and your friend both get through this. I'm sure everything will be okay (*hug*)
