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Thoughts On Polyamory

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Taly, Jun 29, 2015.

  1. Kidd

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    My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years and we have had an open relationship for the entire duration. It works for us as we're both very secure in our bodies, our sexuality, and our relationship. We work together and live together and spend a lot of time together naturally, and it definitely isn't for everyone. You need thick skin and you need to be able to communicate your emotions and feelings honestly and bluntly. We are able to pretty much do whatever we want with the informed consent of the other person. He is bisexual and often wants to be with women, I'm not at all interested there so he is free to be himself. I get a lot of attention naturally and pretty easily from guys without much effort, so it works for me too. Neither of us are desperate for attention or sex or love or anything like that, variety is just nice and it's fun to explore other people, their personalities, bodies, whatever.

    It also relieves stress in our relationship I think that is probably present in a lot of monogomous ones. If I see someone interesting I am free to do whatever I want and he is as well. There isn't any regret or anything like that.
     
  2. ForNarnia

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    I think that if all partners are willing, then there's no problem with it at all.

    I'm not sure if it's something I would be able to do personally, though, because while I would like the freedom of multiple partners, I would be exceedingly jealous if my partner also had multiple partners. I'm too selfish for it, I guess. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Invidia

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    Hmm, if I really liked someone I don't think I could be happy with them having additional partners to me. But open relationships with one-nighters etc... probably :slight_smile:
     
  4. Quem

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    What do I think about polyamory? It's very interesting that someone can be polyamorous, that's it. =) I have nothing against it and I think there's too much taboo on the subject. If all agree and are of age of consent, I don't see why it's such a big deal.

    Polyamory is nothing for me though. I only want Kabuki and I'm not sharing him. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  5. Ashley2103

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    I love the idea of polyamory. It just sounds like there is more freedom than monogamous relationships.
     
  6. asphalt

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    it ain't for me, but i really don't give much of a shit what other people do with their relationships. if no one is getting hurt and the people involved are happy and secure enough with themselves to balance out the dynamics of a poly relationship then more power to them.
     
  7. MCairo

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    Nothing against it but I don't think I could handle it. One relationship would already bring a fair amount of problems.
     
  8. MetalRice

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    I have no problem with it, whatever floats someone's boat is cool.
     
  9. Taly

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    Contrary to what quite a few people here think

    Honestly, I think polyamorous relationships would likely be easier to contain drama and emotion-wise.

    I find it easier to stabilize a dynamic knowing that there is more than just 1 person to communicate something with.

    Probably in the sense that a dynamic with multiple people could work a lot more successfully if those people are somewhat-mature - versus only 2 people where if 1 of the 2 people have any bit of a problem, or "negative" emotion or thought about something - then it'd be a LOT easier to hinder the dynamic of the two.

    Basically; I like the idea that if 1 person is upset or not on board with something; it could be more manageable because that persons weight isn't thrown onto 1 person - it's a collective thought that everyone in the polyamorous relationship could work through.

    Which I find the idea not only a bit more appealing, but a little easier; and actually a little safer.

    >>>>>>

    Here's another piece of my thoughts on the subject.

    I'm not entirely sure why many people will say they have jealousy issues here... If you're in a polyamorous relationship - at least a successful one - then the emotional and physical attraction is going to be most likely mutual all across the board.

    So I wonder if the many people who say they have an issue with jealousy in this case - is more so they like the idea of monogamy a lot more because they'd rather have only ONE person to be attracted to and feel that such reciprocated.
     
  10. biAnnika

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    The Devil is in the details, Taly.

    As long as n-1 people don't "gang up" on 1...
    As long as *no* 1 *worries* that n-1 will gang up on them...

    Then all can be fine. But manymany people are not so reasonable and/or don't have that kind of trust.

    I know plenty of people who do, and far more who don't. Those who don't should not engage in polyamory. As has been stated elsewhere, those who cannot be reasonable or who worry about persecution will have trouble with *any* relationship...but particularly a poly one.

    I suspect they are saying they don't believe they could be in a successful poly relationship *because* of their jealousy issues. And I suspect they know themselves well enough that this is true.

    Also, don't have your head in the sand about the reality that although physical attraction *may* (or may not) be "mutual all across the board", it will almost certainly not be *equal* all across that board. Plenty of room for insecurity, if one is prone to it.
     
  11. Taly

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    Yeah, I think I see what you're saying, biannika

    @First Half of your message

    It is true that a lot of people are probably not really meant to be in a poly type relationship of the basis of what you're saying.

    Though, I can see where it could be easier to have imbalances in a poly relationship if people are going to be grouping up against each other... Which isn't grounds of a healthy poly-relationship and not many people can really deal with this type of dynamic... or even be trusted with one.

    But do you at least see my perspective? I don't know, I feel like it's likely more difficult to make a polyamorous relationship work - but if people are at least mature about how they react to the situations of the relationship dynamic - then it could work pretty well. Which could have benefits beyond just healthy monogamous relationships.

    Hopefully I'm making sense here. lol

    >>>>>

    @Second half of your message


    Yeah, I trust peoples word on how they would work in a polyamorous relationship. I was just wondering why people kept saying it wouldn't work solely on the idea of them having jealousy issues... I thought people were mostly just wanting to have something specific instead of having multiple partners and dynamics in a relationship.

    It gets kind of tricky in some ways when we start going into the realm of discussing mental and physical equality across the board when in polyamorous relationships...

    I think people are prone to insecurities and you do have a good point in bringing that up.

    lol... Funny how I have these bigger discussions with people about relationships and I've yet to have one myself so far. ;P (mostly due to life circumstances.) Plus I'm 16.
     
  12. biAnnika

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    I totally get your points, and I think they are exactly why some of us consider poly relationships and they are reasons why many poly relationships work well. But these benefits are really *only* realizable if there is *complete* honesty among everyone, real respect among everyone, everyone sees themselves as on the same team, and everyone is capable of communicating their respectful honesty really well. Such people are so rare that I think many people don't believe they exist (or don't believe they exist in groups of mutually loving individuals).

    I've seen enough to know that they do exist, and I'm crazy and arrogant enough to think I might be one of them and that I can spot others who are similar (and screen out those who aren't...or at least be cautious). I can't blame anyone who doesn't feel as I do for not feeling as I do.

    I also know the statistics on monogamous relationships, the prevalence of divorce and cheating, and know what 29 years of complete monogamy is like for me.

    I'm doing my best to move slowly and carefully in directions that make the most sense to me.
     
  13. Taly

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    @biAnnika

    Yeah, I get what you mean. Honestly, I think I'd also be one of the few people who could actually thrive more in a polyamorous relationship; but that's just my thoughts of myself. Like - Being honest and able to deal with the dynamics of multiple people in a relationship.

    One time; I even wrote about a gay-male poly-type dynamic. ;P

    I don't know if I can personally deal with long-term monogamy - (I mean, I can do it happily) unless I truly felt connected to a person in every single way. Not that I'm not faithful; I just find the idea a little weird.... I don't entirely understand why society puts so much weight on that ideal over monogamy.

    Eh, relationships is something very different for each individual anyway.
     
  14. Suspector

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    For some reason I feel like I could deal with a polyamorous relationship. But I believe I would have that mind state that it is more of a open relationship, something that I will one day walk away easily.. I think love is better when it's just two people, I don't feel a person can be extremely intimate with two people equally, ultimately a preference will prevail, and someone might and probably will become a third wheel. Which is exactly why I wouldn't enter the relationship with unrealistic expectations.
     
  15. NekoLucy

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    I don't know if i could handle a polyamorous relationship. If i get into one it will be okay for me, i think. I only had one monogamous relationship which held only for a few months and it's hard enough to find someone you can really love and trust, so i'm open for everything.
     
  16. Awesome

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    Re: Thoughts On Polygamy

    Actually, polygamy is having multiple spouses. Polygyny is specifically having multiple wives. I apologize for being that know-it-all, I just couldn't help it.

    Honestly, I have nothing against polyamory or polygamy, as long as all people in the relationship have equal power. I do not support the kind of relationship in which one man "owns" many women, but the idea of a man owning a woman also happens in many monogamous heterosexual relationships. I don't think that polygamy is the real issue.