1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Dysphoria, how to deal with it?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by MorganStrange, Jul 3, 2015.

  1. MorganStrange

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2015
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Newcastle
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I've only recently started experiencing dysphoria, for me it's mainly my breasts, i identify as genderfluid and until recently i had a very androgynous figure, which meant i'd never even had cause to question myself. then my breasts went up a size. It's almost completely unbearable now, they didn't grow much, but enough that i now look female no matter what i do, they play on my mind all of the time, I've been wearing sports bra's on everything other than girly days, and at first that worked fine, not so much now, and i don't really want to bind. I've had to start avoiding mirrors to sidestep the inevitable breakdown that occurs when i look at myself naked. Practical matters aside, how on earth do i deal with this? i didn't leave the house for most of last week, i'm not planning on getting any sort of medical treatment, so i need to get to the point where i accept my body. I scared myself the other day, i completely lost it and slashed my left breast with a feather blade, not deeply, but i don't want a repeat performance of that! It's really hard as the only person i have to talk to is my girlfriend, she's trans so she understands what i'm feeling, but is having a hard time dealing with me being so upset all of the time, i don't want to lean too heavily on her and drive her away, i need to get a handle on this so i can function properly.
     
  2. BobbyFabulous

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2015
    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    San Antonio
    Hi Morgan,

    I'm in a really similar boat but opposite. I am AMAB and am genderfluid so when I'm female I hate my body. I almost had a complete breakdown at work earlier this week. I'm not going to go through hormones or surgery myself because I know that whenever I'm male I would regret it and have dysphoria because of that.

    Currently I can not easily present as female because I am 6'7" and 280lbs so I understand how hard it is to have parts of you that are hard to change or hide.

    While I don't have specific advice for you since we are kind of in the opposite situation I can tell you some things that I am trying and maybe that experience can help.

    The first thing I did was find someone at work that i could talk to when the dysphoria hits. He's part of the LGBT alliance at work and while he's not genderfluid or trans he listens and offers good advice when I'm going through this.

    The second thing I'm doing is looking at shaving my arms and legs as well as grow my hair out so I can get a more androgynous cut that I can style to match what I am that day.

    I'm also working on loosing weight and working with a personal trainer to get the build that I want.

    Finally I'm looking at small accessories that make me feel more feminine on those days .

    None of these changes are irreversible and I can customize most of them to how I'm feeling from day to day and i can always make larger changes as i move forward but I'm hoping that these will at least lesson my dysphoria even though they won't make it go away fully.

    Again, I may not have specific advice because we are trying to do this the reverse of each other but I am always open to talk, or even just listen if you need another person to talk this out with.
     
  3. MorganStrange

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2015
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Newcastle
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Thank you for that BobbyFabulous, it means a lot to hear that other people have felt the same. I do little things to try and make myself feel more masculine, even if i have to hide them because i'm with family (i don't plan on telling them) I have boxer shorts which are bizarrely helpful even though only i know about them! and I've got short hair now, which doesn't look out of place on female days, but helps hugely when i'm male. I have a hard time presenting as male, i'm 5ft1 and 8stn, so although my breasts are still relatively small, they stick out on my small frame, i'll never pass as a man, but at least before i could pass as a teenage boy, which is close. I just can't deal with the horrific black hole i fall into on male or neutral days when i look at myself. I do get good days, when i find a shirt with a busy print to hide my curves, or if a kid on the bus asks their Mother if i'm a boy or a girl, but good days are getting few and far between.
     
  4. BobbyFabulous

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2015
    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    San Antonio
    Hey Morgan :slight_smile:
    I totally understand not telling your family. I told my sister but I don't know if and when I'll be able to tell my family. It's mostly why I reached out to my best friends and someone at work that I know I can trust. I'm also going to speak with a therapist so I think building a small group of people you can trust and speak with is a really helpful.

    It's great that you have found some small things that help you. And that's the point, they help you feel more comfortable in your own skin and not if other people know or now.

    I understand about not being able to pass but that doesn't mean you can't present as male. I know I will probably never pass as female without doing something radical but I can present myself as female to myself and the few people that know.

    Once I get back from my trip in a couple of weeks and after I talk to the therapist I think I'm going to shop for some more female sleep ware and maybe some undergarments. I need to find little ways to be happy with my body because the mirror can be scary. On female days I already feel like I'm in the wrong body and looking in the mirror just confirms it.
     
  5. MorganStrange

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2015
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Newcastle
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I'm trying to build friendships so i have people who know me as me, it's tricky though, i have aspergers, and making new friends has always been tricky. My girlfriend introduced me to a friend of hers who identifies as non binary, they're really nice so i'm hoping to meet up with them for a cuppa and a chat at some point. I guess it'll take time to build up a decent support network. Maybe a therapist would be a good idea too, worth a try at least.

    I guess not being able to pass is only really bothering me so much because i could before, i feel a bit like a part of my identity was taken away when my body changed. I guess i just need to adjust and find a way to be comfortable and stop thinking about how things used to be.

    Oh yes mirrors are evil on male days for me, and even on neutral days, so i understand that. The underwear helps, and i have a few pairs of comfy boxers a t-shirts to sleep in and that really helps as i wake up presenting correctly on male days, and i don't get dysphoria on female days so i doesn't matter if i wake up in the wrong clothes. So i'd definitely recommend investing in some female sleepwear, start the day off right! :slight_smile:
     
  6. BobbyFabulous

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2015
    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    San Antonio
    Not sure where to shop for something in my size though. I saw a couple that are cute but they were not in my size.
     
  7. MorganStrange

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2015
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Newcastle
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Can't really recommend anywhere as we're not from the same country, but a few higher end shops often have sizes for taller/larger women, they might carry your size. Failing that search for online shops that carry sizes for taller/larger women. I have the opposite problem, men's clothing is never small enough for me! I've found most of my male clothing in the boys section. If it wasn't for my sewing skills i wouldn't even had a decent suit.
     
  8. Hats

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2015
    Messages:
    383
    Likes Received:
    39
    Location:
    Neverland
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    An accidental victory last night: I arrived at ballet only to realise that I’d left my black shoes and white leotard behind. I keep both male and female outfits in my bag just in case, but yesterday was a male day for me, and I didn’t want to dress fully female instead. So I ended up wearing an androgynous mix of pink shoes (female), black tights and shorts (male), and a women’s tight-fitting t-shirt which, due to the writing on the front, feminised my chest a little. It was nice to wear a combination which felt somewhat formal but without feeling too gendered in either direction. :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 15th Dec 2016 at 12:15 PM ----------

    Damnit, wrong thread - had this one open and posted here by mistake! Sorry everyone.

    ---------- Post added 15th Dec 2016 at 12:17 PM ----------

    Mods: feel free to delete this post. :slight_smile: