Agender or genderfluid or transgender?

Indeed I understand. I just want to be a guy and get it over with. The questioning and doubting is so mentally exhausting.

 

Aye yes yes. I am basically all female within, but through life have come to a point of "forced gender fluidity"... I have spent so much time as male (obviously, all of it, in fact...) That I have become accepting and tolerant of my male form, and often at this point can feel very comfortable as a male, even if the dysphoria is always there.

"Ghost dick" yes? That is funny as I have never heard tell of another with such a situation... but I have experienced "ghost vagina" quite often.... in fact, unless I am either consciously thinking about it or looking at the physical organ, the ghost genitalia is the one I feel. heh

 

I think you described it well. The forced gender fluidity. I think it was my a self preservation thing for me, do or die sort of thing. To the point where I stopped noticing the dysphoria and was content enough as female. But now that I have seen the male me there is no going back.

I don't know about ghost dick, but I often forget I have a vagina and I go to scratch aand realize there is nothing there.

 

[/QUOTE]I think you described it well. The forced gender fluidity. I think it was my a self preservation thing for me, do or die sort of thing. To the point where I stopped noticing the dysphoria and was content enough as female. But now that I have seen the male me there is no going back.

I don't know about ghost dick, but I often forget I have a vagina and I go to scratch aand realize there is nothing there.[/QUOTE]

Heh yes. Just the opposite... reaching down and momentarily wondering what this is extending from my pubic hairs...

For me I first, long ago, subjugated the 'female' and came to terms with the male, but she could not be subdued (and should not be subdued), and she would always find an outlet... Most recently pretending to be a female online... but I cannot stand being dishonest and messing with people's heads with such acts so doing so forced me to do some hard introspection on my actions and reality. Now luckily 'we' are beginning to work as one in my inner self. And yes, no going back. Back is just a mess.

 

As long as you're not trans? What? *doesn't compute*

I get what you mean I won't explain to you all my gender idnetity, cuase it'd take a lot of space, but: I'm genderqueer and female, con short. And I also experience this sensation of .. eem.. phantom penis. Weird thing.

 

Ugh, I'm sorry to hear about the "so called friend", that's pretty messed up to say that to someone.


But on a lighter note, that gray area you're describing, sounds a heck of a lot like me. At this point, I just call myself a "trans guy", but in my mind, guy is a hybrid of agender and male. And I use both they/them and he/him pronouns for myself.

I like to think of it like gender is a color spectrum with an infinite amount of colors, hues, tonalities, tie dyes, and movement. But in the simplest form, blue is male, yellow agender, violet female (and the darkness vs lightness of hue is masculinity femininity). In this model I'd be a light green'ish blue to sometimes light blue.

I know that even this is a simplification of gender, but it's better than just pink or blue.http://www.fusionlogisticsgroup.com...olor-Management-Chart-RGB-(ColorMatchRGB).png

So its okay to feel like you fit more in the gray areas. And phantom syndrome, yep I know that feel.