Am I........ Selfish? Okay. So this is more than just about my sexuality. See, my family is Catholic. They raised me to be thier perfect straight Christian daughter. But....... I'm not. I'm thier closeted lesbian daughter who secretly abandoned Christianity and converted to Wicca behind thier backs and who wants 7 different piercings and wants to dye her hair purple. When I go to college and I'm free of my family's influence, I can come out and start dating, openly practice Wicca, and look the way I want. But... Am I selfish to do that? Is it selfish that I know I will disappoint my family, but I still continue to embrace who I am? I love who I am. I love everything about me. But I feel like a horrible person for loving who I am, because I fear my sexuality, my conversion, my looks, everything, will cause my family grief and disappointment. Has anyone else ever felt like this? And...... am I selfish? :icon_sad:
Thank you so much, I really needed to hear that ;; ---------- Post added 6th Jul 2015 at 09:47 PM ---------- Umm....... yes? I don't understand why that's confusing......
It's selfish of your parents to want to control who you are. You aren't doing anything to actively harm them. Any suffering they may think they feel is in their heads, because all you are doing is expressing yourself and doing what's best for you. You aren't hurting them in any way, even if they might be delusional and believe you are.
It is selfish in a way. But if you're not selfish sometimes you're just going to be miserable. Also being raised Catholic, I get that you probably have this complex about the fact that it's your duty to suffer/endure for the sake of others; like that's part of what makes you a good or moral person, sacrificing your happiness for other people. Living that way sure makes your life great for other people- but you gotta remember it's your life, not theirs. It's a matter of priorities, your personal comfort versus the comfort of others. The scale will probably tip strongly to the "you" side for a while once you get to exercise it, but eventually you'll probably come back to a place of balance. Just a word of advice- going out & dying your hair purple & getting all your piercings & showing back up at home for Thanksgiving break & saying, "I'm a lesbian!" w/ a pentacle necklace probably seems (& would be) really exciting to you, but it'll cause a lot less friction between you & your family if you reveal yourself more gradually. Blessed be!
no this is not selfish at all, you should be free to act and feel however you want and wherever you want. you cannot change the way you feel, but your family has the capabilities to change how they react, so if they don't accept you, they are the ones being selfish
I'm not out yet either and I feel this way a lot. I don't have the religious guilt per-say, but I do feel like I am not living up to be the son my folks would want in that I would most likely not have biological kids as a gay couple. I need to take this to heart....
Ah, Catholic guilt. I struggled with it most of my life, and I abandoned Catholicism something like 18 years ago. That being said, my parents still don't know, and won't ever know, my orientations. You aren't selfish. Selfishness is asking someone to be something they aren't because it's easier for you to accept.
Gurrl, do whatever makes you happy. As long as you're not hurting anybody, you should not care what other people think or/and say. You are the one who's in charge of your own happiness, so if that's what you want and if that will make you happy - do it. Do you! Be you!