hey guys! So I guess I've always questioned whether I was into males or females. But more recently I've started to think maybe I am in fact attracted to females. I've been in a relationship before and I've seen guys but I've never truly felt like I've genuinely liked them. Which may sound horrible, I know but I felt like just as long as I tried I could really like them. And I guess on top of that I've never wanted to explore the possibility that I was ever anything but straight.. and it just scares me so much that I might be. I've always looked at girls and have always formed more comfortable connections with girls and I guess those are the reasons why I've started to really question if I really am gay or bisexual at least. Not too long ago I became close with this one girl at work and I never really thought about liking her because I know she's definitely straight. But I'm starting to think that I do at least feel something for her (haven't figured out what yet), HOWEVER she does have a boyfriend and I guess I'm not super crushed (because maybe I know she's straight and nothing will ever happen) that she has one.. so does that mean I don't like her? It's really messing with my head though because more recently when we hang out she's been doing things that make me really confused, like looking at me for a little longer than normal and stuff like that. I JUST REALLY DON'T KNOW! So confused HALP! Any stories/responses will be extremely helpful!
I am having the same problem. I've also always thought of myself as straight but recently started having a crush on a woman. I started looking back at my male relationships and realized I was never really into them. I think my longest relationship was around 6 months and the last time I dated a guy was over 10 years ago. I have had sex with guys but never really liked it. I just did it because that was what you were supposed to do. Then along comes my doctor. I see her around once a week (because I had surgery and have to see her for my recovery) and in between she's all I can think of. I keep telling myself it's ridiculous and she's just someone I want to be friends with but then my mind wanders and I think about "what if..." It's killing me! I will also be interested to see what others say.
I've been playing similar mind games with myself the last couple of years. (@ justoverthinkin) I've always loved looking at girls too, and especially when I was younger I used to pick out my go-to boy crush because I felt like if I thought a boy was nice, that must mean I had a crush on him. As I got older I thought maybe I was just waiting for the right boy to come along, and then one of my friends at the time came out to me as bi, and I started to realize that something about me was (at the very least) queer. I'm still trying to figure out what that means. But this whole girl crush or gay crush thing completely resonates with me. Obviously only you can really classify what you feel for this girl, but I felt similar about a girl I went to high school with for years. At first I thought I just really wanted to be her friend, and then as I started to realize I wasn't straight I thought about how nice it would feel to hold her hand or kiss her. But I could never picture going all the way with her or even really going past that phase, so I worried that meant I just had a "girl crush" or a friend crush or something platonic. But we were (still are) very good friends and hung out a lot, so she'd do things every once in a while like lay her head on my shoulder or give me a look that I would spend weeks dissecting. But she's definitely straight, so I spent a lot of time trying to push it away since it could never go anywhere. My honest advice for you and this girl is for you to allow yourself to feel whatever mix of unnamed feelings you're having. I don't mean confess undying love or try and read gay signals into how she behaves towards you, I just mean try not to beat yourself up over whether you like her or not. I know this is easier said than done, haha, but do your best to get comfortable with what you do know about your feelings towards her and don't get caught up in sticking a label on it yet. It took me a lot of long months of deciding I romantically liked this girl, changing my mind, and changing it back before I could just accept that I felt SOMETHING and it was okay that I didn't have a label for it yet. And ironically, that was when I finally felt satisfied that it was a gay crush and not platonic. I hope this helps you a little! I know queer feelings for straight girls are no fun
