I’m a 19 year old male and I consider myself to be gay, I think men are the sexiest creatures on the planet and like everything about men but my confusion seems to lie with my relationship with my lesbian best friend. My lesbian best friend let’s call her Lindsay has been in my life since I was 13. We made a mutual agreement to start dating when we were 18 to avoid having our families ask us about boyfriends/girlfriends. This was pretty much a contract, we agreed that we would sleep with other people but we would date to have some normalcy (no offense to anyone). The problem is this, Lindsay and I started to experiment with foreplay, we tried intercourse but we were both bored to death, I couldn’t even keep the erection. But with foreplay we pretty much mutually enjoy it and we seem to like satisfying one another sexually. Generally we watch gay porn to get ourselves aroused and then we head to oral sex. I honestly don’t feel any disgust with her nor does she with me and when during the act I can say that I get pretty into it. She doesn’t like boys however and I don’t like girls so what in the heck is going on? When we’re in public as well she likes it when I hold her hand and when I hug her from the back, she’s rather feminine and I’m rather masculine so it’s almost like we naturally act like a couple whenever we’re around one another without even having to try :| We hope to one day make babies lol, I’m fine with her having female sex partners, actually I encourage her to seek them, I’m also fine with her having a girlfriend that would make me rather happy to know she’s found someone, as long as she has my kids lol. I could say that I honestly love her in a platonic, non-romantic way and I don’t actively seek to have oral sex with her nor does she with me but when we are both horny and in bed together shit just happens and it feels good! Am I in denial about my sexuality? Does anyone have a similar experience or explanation for this?
I went through this when I was young but I was too silly to hold on to it! Do hold on to it!!!! It is the best of all worlds!!! Plus babies should be had with best friends rather than with Lovers: love might be forever but Friendship NEVER ENDS!!!! Bets of luck to you and "Lindsay"! Don't overanalyze this and be happy!!! And if you need to talk in detail, my wall is all yours!
Considering that you can't even keep an erection, you're probably not attracted to her. Physical stimulation can turn anyone on and get anyone off, regardless of sexuality. Maybe this comparison is kind of crude, but when people get raped, they sometimes get turned on. It's not because they're enjoying it or want it, it's because of the physical stimulation and our body's automatic reaction to it. So if you're thinking you might be bi, don't just base it on whether you're capable of getting off our not - does her body turn you on? can you kiss her, cuddle her? would you be open to spending your life with a woman? Ask yourself these questions about both men and women then compare your reactions.
Haha well I can't keep an erection with her during intercourse but I can during oral sex. I would say that I am turned on by her when we're having foreplay but otherwise I'm not. If she walked into the room naked and I was not up for foreplay her body doesn't excite me but nor does it disgust me. Yeah I could spend the rest of my life with her but I would be messing around with a guy on the side and her and I would probably quit with the foreplaying.
Could it be possible that foreplay is okay because guys also have mouths/hands, but intercourse isn't because guys don't have vaginas? Obviously, you don't see sexual activity with a female to be a long term thing - it could still be possible that you are homosexual heteroromatic. A better question is whether you think you have a romantic connection with her - not just an emotional one, because most friendships have those, but a romantic one. Do you think you would be able to have a monogamous relationship with a guy? If open relationships are something you're into regardless of gender, then it's not really indicative of anything. But if it's something that you find only necessary with females, then that probably means you don't have a romantic connection with them, and you have neither a romantic nor sexual connection with females, it probably means that it's just the physical stimulation you're enjoying. You're not actually interested in girls.
You sound gay to me. You're not attracted to her, you just enjoy the sexual stuff you do together. That doesn't define your sexuality.
@molsen7961: That’s a good theory actually, makes sense to me. Hm well I’m not romantically attracted to her more or less along the lines of emotional attraction, yes? (same way I love my brothers, I love her no different) but I don’t long to kiss her and such, more like I enjoy cuddling and holding her. Yet again I enjoy cuddling and holding my younger brothers too. Haha @darkcomesoon: Yes that pretty much sums me up, I like sexual stimulation from attractive people, I find her attractive so why the hell not! I just never understood why I’ve never met another gay person like us? We seem to be the odd men out! Most gay people find it all quite bizarre and suspicious.
From what I see, you're most definitely gay. I don't think you're the odd man out...I'm sure there are plenty of homosexual people who still experiment with the opposite gender. You could almost call yourself bicurious, except for the fact that you're not interested in experimenting with women...you just want the sexual stimulation. You're no different than the widely known bicurious women who experiment in college and later determine they're straight
I don't think you're in denial at all, you said it yourself it feels good but that's where it ends. I think some people are capable of enjoying sexual stimulation no matter the gender. I have some straight friends who are totally okay with hand stimulation with other guys but they don't like men so the same could apply for someone whose gay I think.
I identify most strongly as lesbian and if I was close enough to a person and we were both just lonely and horny I would probably go for it regardless of what parts they have. An orgasm is an orgasm, and I can recognize when guys are attractive I just don't find myself actively wanting to have sex with them or date them the way I do with women. I don't think I would ever seek out a relationship like this, but hey, if the circumstances were right, I cant say for sure that I'd be opposed to it.
