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Here I go again...

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by IrishBuddha6, Aug 2, 2015.

  1. IrishBuddha6

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2015
    Messages:
    77
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    Location:
    New York
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Unfortunately, I'm not quoting Whitesnake.

    Okay, so I've been a member here for some time and haven't made...any progress...none, nada. And the summer is almost over.

    I am sill blatantly confused and time is running low. I come from a generally accepting family that happens to be incredibly Heteronormative. This includes my sister, although a self preaching liberal, very very heteronormative. This is very annoying.
    I haven't talked to many people about my confusion regarding my sexual orientation and recently have been dead silent about it because I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. For year I thought I was basically gay but could roll with a straight relationship and denied myself. Just recently I've come to except this side of my self but out of nowhere, doubt myself and not just for the sake of it, for good reason, believe me. I'm beginning to feel like I'm bi. Now, I don't have anything against bisexuality but, to me, believe or not, I feel like it's one of the hardest orientations to roll with. If I was bisexual, I would not come out, I would just say I'm straight and move on. Why? Because:

    1.) My family, although generally accepting is catholic and heteronormative. This would make their heads spin out of control. They would remind me that technically, I'm making a choice if I date a man and technically, as much as I hate it, their absolutely right. It would just bring more burden and confusion to my family, especially the older members. It would just be easier and smoother if I could have a straight relationship.

    2.) I know this might not be extremely popular around here but I kind of am religious. Like I support the lgbtq+ community as much as anyone here and certainly disagree with many political stances of my church. However, I feel that being bi, that it would be best in that case to just explore the straight side of that.

    Finally, my best friend who I have talked to about this support me 100%. She is also one of the few friends that have sticked with me. Last year, she told me she liked me and I kind of turned her down at the time and we remained friends and we really care about each other. I told her about my confusion and situation and she still supports me. My family doesn't know anything and see us together and think we'd make a really cute couple. My sister told me that I'm just like every other guy, letting what could be an amazing relationship go down the drain. She told me that I'm just playing hard to get and that not my role. She's right...maybe I'm being selfish and need to settle as she keeps telling once I graduate college, it's really hard to find someone. I guess I just have a different perspective on dating now.

    It weird because part of me has really started to like her but I'm not sure if it's the way a boyfriend and girlfriend do. Like she nice and pretty and I think their are certain moment of intimacy when we hug that I feel and sometimes I wonder...is this the opportunity right before my eyes and I'm just failing to realize. Am I just some, stupid guy who afraid to commit?
    I feel like physically, historically I mostly feel attracted to men in most cases and I'm not incredibly horny for women but I gues in certain situations, if we're being honest, I could probably have a straight relationship and enjoy the physical even though I don't know for sure. Ugh. For some reason I think I want to Begay because now it's awkward if I go back and being a bisexual guy, is frowned upon in my friend and family group. It just doesn't fly.

    Is the universe pushing my friend and I together as someone told me years ago...I really don't know anymore...I'm probably just some selfish self entered male that needs to grow a pair right?:tears: