I've been struggling with very strong feelings of loneliness for quite some time now. At times this loneliness can be almost crippling. I just feel the need for someone special in my life that I can devote all of my attention and love towards. I feel so ready to not only have a boyfriend, but also to think about finding a partner for marriage. I live in a very small town, and I just feel as if there is no one here to find. I went to an LGBT group last year at a local college, but there were only about 6 people regularly and there wasn't anyone who I would date. Most of the people were straight allies anyways. There's not really anywhere to meet other gay guys here, especially young ones such as myself. (I am 18 and I just graduated highschool) Hopefully in January I will be leaving my town and going to another town about 2 1/2 hours drive away for vocational school, but I don't feel confident that I will meet anyone else LGBT there. I want to make other LGBT friends, and also hopefully find a special guy. It's doubtful that I will there as it's even smaller than my own town. Right now I am stuck working at a job I don't enjoy, and of the very few friends I had, one has left for college and two have been very rude to me so I'm not currently getting along with them. I just feel so empty inside. I hate this town and I can't wait to move away. Anywhere but here. I feel like my life can't go on until I leave. There's nothing here for me. But unfortunately I have to wait until I can go to school in January and after that I can hopefully get a very good paying job as a welder. That way, I can save up my money to move away. It just seems like that will be forever... It feels like the longer I stay here the less likely I am going to be able to leave. It's so painful emotionally to be like this. I literally feel like I'm missing part of me because I need someone in my life so badly. I'm afraid that even if I do move somewhere else I'll never be able to find a partner. It's killing me to have to stay in this town. I don't fit in here, and I don't belong. I'm also an introvert, so I'm not very comfortable in social situations and that doesn't help making friends and easier. Can anyone offer me any support or advice on anything I discussed? I would really appreciate it.
Well I would say don't be needy and think you desperately need a partner otherwise you will never find yourself someone. Get yourself a hobby, go cycling, walking or something ton keep you busy and get your mind off focusing on getting someone.
Hello, Sorry you're going through all that, and I hope it gets better. I can't really offer any advice, life just sucks that way, and I can tell you i'm pretty much in the same place. But ( Butt ) at least you're still young, so that's something. You may be able to get away from there, and I'm sure happiness is just around the corner, but my advice - hey i have advice after all, who knew - is that you shouldn't get so hung up on the idea of finding a partner, it'll only complicate things when you actually do. try to find another goal, perhaps getting out of the town you're in, getting education and basically building your life. social things, like finding friends and finding a lover will eventually come as a biproduct, (not THAT bi ) , and just let things happen, don't force them. when someone you like comes along, just take it easy. I hope I said something meaningful
When it seems like everyone you know is dating and having a good time you can find yourself in a bit of a rut with all sorts of negative feelings. You feel like the odd one out and the more you focus on what you don't have, the worse it seems to become. Eventually you get trapped in a cycle of despondency where everything feels bad and there is nothing to look forward to. Now is the time to take a step back and look at the bigger picture though, and if you can't do it yourself, it's a good idea to ask other people for their thoughts. It's hard to tell you to think about other things when you really only want one thing, but it's not always wise to be considering a long term commitment so early in life, especially as you are planning to move away to secure your future. Sometimes we have to examine our deck of life cards very carefully and put them in order, otherwise the game (life) goes badly wrong. I was almost 30 before I met my husband and 35when we bought our home together. It's only within the last year that we have married. I'm not saying it can't be done sooner, but you need to have everything in order first if it's going to work out. When I was your age, I also felt that life was passing me by, but I was actually working towards what I have now. Sure, I had a few brief and unsuccessful relationships after I came out in my 20's, but I wasn't ready for any sort of commitment at that stage. I didn't see it then, but I do now. The next chapter in your life is all about your future and giving you security and stability that will appeal to a long term partner/husband. Instead of thinking about what you don't have now, try to focus on what this will deliver for you in the future. Remember, life is a journey rather than a sprint.
That's true what you said PatrickUK about taking on a long-term commitment so early in life. I do at least feel ready to try and search for someone whom I would like to make a commitment to though, and that's why it's frustrating I can't really find anyone to date. Not that I'm really searching too hard, it's just that I don't even know the first thing about finding guys to date and there's very few visible or out gay guys here. You all said basically that I should go about my life and that a partner would come to me once everything had fallen into place, but that's the thing... to me it feels as if nothing will fall into place UNTIL I find a partner. Like the opposite of what you all said. I guess maybe I am a little needy :/ I just feel happiest when I'm making someone else happy. I don't feel like I can be happy until I'm giving someone else all of my love. I guess I have some bad habits when it comes to love. When I dated a few girls a couple years ago I tended to put my whole heart and soul into trying to make them happy, like wearing my heart on my sleeve. I just dove in head first and I guess that's why I go hurt most of the time is because I left myself too vulnerable and I devoted too much into trying to make them happy. It's just hard feeling so empty inside... but maybe you're right and I should just wait until I have my life figured out and I'm able to move away before I search for a partner.
I just came to terms with myself being gay so I can't give you any advice, I'm sorry. But I do know how you feel. Even before I accepted myself as gay, I was worried: who am I going to be with? Will I even find anyone special? What if I'll be alone forever? Because truly, LGBT is really small in Slovenia. I have been on slovene forum for a while now. There are around 2 gay clubs in Slovenia, and even those aren't completely gay. They have 1 day a week for LGBT community. At first I was happy that maybe I could go there and explore a bit, since a lot of people have done it. But only then I saw the responses, that it's basically just a lot of people who want a one night stand. Sex and that's it. Most of the people just wanna find someone with same fetish. Not that anything is wrong with that. I have it too. But I want to find someone special. And I'm not trying to be greedy. You just don't click with everyone. And I don't wanna go there to find a first time sex. Not to mention everyone says people like to judge you there. They always spot who's new, they are mean etc.. It's kinda sad because I don't want to be judged because I'm gay, and when you have a chance to get past that, you get judged even more. I just think that atm I should finish my college, whether it's in 2, 3 or 4 years, I don't know. Next summer or in 2 years, when it's gonna be available I will try to do some summer job abroad, looking for work experiences. Slovenia is a beautiful country. We have diverse nature, but the politics screw everything, payments suck, people are without jobs... It's horrible and everyone know it. Especially student have trouble finding work. So my plan is to finish college and move to another country. I'll do my best, that's my dream. And I just think I might find someone special while I'm working towards my goal or when I move somewhere.
hey, sorry that you're going through a period of a low time in your life. it's something that we have to struggle and fight, which is unfortunate. sure, it sucks to not have a partner, i definitely know that. I'd say try and start over. take that chance. Meet new people, try finding another job. A hobby or a passion goes a long way to discovering yourself. a relationship can take a lot of time to put committing into, some might have it lucky than others, but it doesn't mean that someone will end up alone in the end. you'll definitely have your chance at someone. don't worry.
I dont have much advice to offer, but know that i am in an extremely similar situation. So, youre not alone in this.
Thanks for the kind words and advice Eight, Bolt, and RMS. I definitely feel you there Eight, it would be easier for me to find people wanting to have meaningless sex than people who want actual relationships, but like you I'm not interested in that. :/ I've been thinking about trying a dating app and seeing if it works out, but again I'm afraid everyone will just be looking for sex.
