Since I have realized that I'm attracted to women, I see that the women I was once jealous of, are often women I am attracted to. I just went out with my husband and some of his work friends. This young woman that I always felt nervous around because I thought my husband had a thing for her... It turns out that I think she's really cute... Like I'm the one who is into her! It's funny, and also freeing in a way. That competition feeling with woman has melted away since my self-realizations. I'd like to have the guts to start moving on with my life. Tell my husband. Maybe move out, I don't know. But I am enjoying those good moments of self acceptance.
I feel you! Only difference is I always knew I had attraction to women, but since discovering who I am there's no jealousy. Yay self acceptance! How do you find living with your husband after knowing you're gay? It's extremely awkward for me and I feel like a big fat liar.
Hm, interesting. Issue is I haven't been jelous on my current bf at least for the last 6 years. And that wasn't self-acceptance for me, that was lack of attraction... But before that, yeah, I remember being jelous and when I think back, hm, some of those women I would consider attractive now. Though it wasn't so conscious back then. I downgraded my attraction to women into discomfort when being around women in the last 10 years, and convinced myself that I get along better with men. Such a lie...now I know Back to the subject, I used to have (and still do) another type of jealousy when with female friends, that is, I'm in a way jealous and pissed off when it is just the two of us and then some guy appears (either her boyfriend or someone intetested...). Now, from retrospect I think I understand where those feelings are coming from
CameronMR - I feel like a liar. I feel like a liar wearing a wedding ring. I feel like a liar anytime I have conversation about my husband/relationship (small talk) with random people. I feel like a liar talking about Christmas plans with my husband. And I also feel like it's impossible to truly understand my sexuality while living in this marriage. I still care about my husband. I love him and I don't want to hurt him. I really don't know if I will ever have clear answers about myself if I stay with him. And I know it won't go away. I can probably push it to the side for a while... but I don't really want to. And I feel selfish for wanting to figure this out for myself.
I read this title another way. Whenever I met a woman who I found fascinating or funny or cool, as soon as she mentioned a husband or boyfriend, there would be this little clunk inside me. As if to say, "Oh, rats. She likes men." Not that I was even aware I was into women but it still happened.
Yes, this is why I'm not mentioning my boyfriend in conversations anymore. Got to the point where I prefer not to talk about a specific subject just to avoid mentioning him. First I started doing this rather unconsciously. Now, not so much anymore. Talking about feeling like a liar...
I also had/have this type of jealousy. The jealousy of women who worked with my husband went away a few years ago. I think I was projecting at the time! I've often had jealousy surrounding friends/boyfriends of close female friends, always felt like I wanted to be their #1. I totally get that. Don't you think some straight women feel this too? Like controlling women?
Ha. I think it's interesting you ask this. I've begun to wonder if everything I feel or think or do is somehow not straight. And these are not even relationship-related things. I sometimes stop and wonder whether straight women feel or think or do whatever I'm doing. Of course, they must be doing these things but I'm not sure about the feeling or thinking the same things. I did see a YouTube video with a pair of friends, one gay, one not, which basically cinched it for me that I wasn't straight. The topic was "how did you know you were gay" and for the straight one "how did you know you weren't gay?". The straight one said that she had thought about what it would be like to kiss a girl but even as she was forming the question in her head, she already knew she didn't want to. I, on the other hand...
Yes! And her attention was ripped away from you, and then you sat there awkwardly while she flirted with him and eventually just got up and left? I've felt this with guys too though, but that's me and my Kinsey 3 talking. I hadn't ever thought about that before... puts a lot of things in perspective... and I guess I do have a "type" when I look at who I've been unreasonably jealous of or guarded against over the years. Ha!
I asked my bf for space and He's been ok, He's been sleeping in the spare room and He's taken the Outs for the weekend. I actually felt embarrassed to say I had a bf when I was chit- chatting with my hair dresser. That was a new feeling. Like I should be Out already. This out thing is gonna take awhile, I think.
You could say you have a boyfriend you need to fix up with a nice straight girl, do they know any? :eek:
Yesterday I bought some stuff and got a men's perfume sample which I gave to my bf. He looked at me and said: "So can I put this on and go try to pick up women?" "Ahm, okay, sure" - me laughing weirdly. "Okay, want to go out together to pick up women?" "Sure". I know it was a joke, but I actually had thoughts like this three years ago when it hit me first on a very strong conscious level that I would be gay - I was imagining us going out together as friends and talking about women and trying to pick up women. :icon_bigg And I felt no jealousy yesterday, I really meant it. :icon_bigg ---------- Post added 5th Sep 2015 at 08:52 AM ---------- Interestingly I almost never had issues when I was alone with a guy and some other guys or girls appeared. I've had the issue only when I was alone with a girl. Hm, interesting, just realised this. About controlling straight women, I don't know. In my case I always told myself I feel like this because I'm actually too shy and just want to be alone with my friend. But now I see it was more than that. I felt such an anger towards the men who came and she was flirty with them Like, why this men can flirt with her, be with her, and I can't. Not fair
