I've considered myself bisexual since my teen years. I'm now in my 30s and mother to 2 little girls. Recently i became religious. I acknowledge that I'm attracted to other women but that i won't act upon that attraction case i am married to a man. My husband and i were swingers for awhile years ago. My husband isn't interested in me that much anymore and is verbally achieve. I learned what genderfluid means and that's definitely what i am. I wonder if i "feel gay" nowadays rather than bisexual cause of too many bad experiences with men in my life, including my husband abd several men before him. Some men look attractive to me but i don't know if i could love one. I am of Indian descent and had an arranged marriage. I've never been in love. I guess it's best to be alone.
Sorry you sound pretty lonely. You are in a good place here and I think you can find some women who you will relate to. I'll second what inamirrordarkly said and send a (*hug*) and a :smilewave your way.
That's one thing I've been struggling with. I have been in a few abusive relationships with men and for a long time I only thought I was gay because the men in my life were jerks. Looking back on my life, I realized I was gay all along. Like you said too, some men still look attractive to me, but then it I try and imagine myself with them and that kills it right there. It's just gross. Lol so I guess I'd rather be like a man than have a man. I don't know what your personal values are, and what you can do for yourself within your own cultural ethics, I hope that, with the verbal abuse, you andyour girls arent suffering, and. Welcome to EC and I hope you find your inner freedom and happiness. Brought blessings, and I hope you find comfort here as I have. (*hug*)(*hug*)
Best wishes. I hope you can find comfort here, and you can improve your home situation somewhat. There are lots of married bisexuals here who are in various stages of changing their lives (or staying put, but changing their minds). For me, I only realized I was bisexual after my midlife hormones hit. So sometimes it has nothing to do with the particular man one is married to; it just has to do with the time in your life. But for other people I think that repulsion from men can indeed be induced by experiences with specific men--although I'm less certain that attraction to females can be.
My heart goes out to you and what you're going through, it must be a lonely time for you embracing your beliefs and true self. Sending you lots of love
