Are there any guys that want to have a relationship?

I know I definitely would be more interested in a relationship over some hookup any day. It sucks being alone sometimes but why just give yourself to anyone, I gotta have some standards.

 

I'm only interested in a relationship, which is frustrating at my age.

 

I'm only interested in relationships, too. Call me old-fashioned.

Keep in mind, lots of straights are also just interested in hookups; it's not just a gay man's phenomenon. I doubt it'll make you feel much better (it doesn't help me much), but it is the truth.

 

I feel for you guys. I believe there are good dudes out there for you.

*sends good thoughts your way*

 

I met my current partner by happenstance waiting for a flight. It does make sense to explore all avenues to meet people when your looking for a relationship wether it be during your daily routine, joining social groups, charitable groups or other LGBT organizations.

That said, I did meet someone on a dating app early in my coming out period that did last for almost a year. I do agree that most dating and other type apps are primarily geared towards hookups. But at the same time, I do seem to see more and more people using the same apps to try and find long term relationships.

I would be clear with your intentions on your profile, and that will eliminate a lot of the sex only interactions, but I do agree with others that the best way is to go about your life and meet people in the real world.

 

I know a lot of gay guys--and I have to say almost all of them are either in a relationship or want one. The exceptions seem largely, in my experience, to be people who are at least semi-closeted. But even the single and looking guys--well, it's not the only thing they're looking for. The fact that someone is interested in sex doesn't mean they aren't desperately pining for their prince--but maybe not tonight, or maybe not with you. Or maybe that's what their prince does. My husband and I have been together for almost 18 years. He's the light of my life. We're faithful and monogamous--and we had sex the night we met. I'd watch it with the "slut" talk--it's a major turnoff to a lot of the most wonderful guys out there.

I know you're just venting, but the fact of the matter is that I find these sort of discussions a little frustrating. I met five gay guys and none of them were the one--is how this generally goes. Of course they weren't. I met hundreds if not thousands of gay guys over a period of five years before I met my husband. And that period wasn't awful. It was amazing. I did amazing things and met amazing people. To be honest I had some pretty amazing sex along the way, too. Yeah, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs--but you've also got to find a way to enjoy it.

I don't know how you met these guys but I'm willing to bet that it was through apps or online somehow. I really think that given your desires you should probably avoid that avenue. If I were single I would be looking for a relationship but I wouldn't do it that way. I could however imagine myself, despite being a relationship guy, using them to hook up on occasion while I looked. I think the meetup suggestion is a great one. And frankly I will put in my standard word of defense for the bars and clubs. I met my husband while out with friends in a gay bar and, frankly, I know a lot of guys who met their long term partner that way. But they were there because they enjoyed it not because they were looking. Frankly, I think anything you can do to make it less transactional in the way the apps are will benefit you. I think most guys don't think relationships happen that way, and, well, we all know sex can.

Don't give up the faith but try to have a little fun too...

 

son, if you were closer id be hitting up for coffee, just coffee, i'd love to get to know someone about my age who is interested in friendship first and then seeing what, if anything, develops.

 

I like to have a hangout buddy; someone who I can actually talk to! Imagine that. I'm seeing a guy now for a few months, and because I am comfortable with him, I am a total slut at times with him.
I also have some friends I hang out with from Gay Outdoors and some other groups, too.

 

I've met a guy I could see myself getting serious with once I come out to my wife. He is very together, low key guy. Actually every cell in my body longs for something like this.

 

i hear you on that pal. "not as good as i once was, but im as good once as i ever was...."
good company and an enjoyable life....... such is the dream.

 

I don't think I can improve on what OGS said, but I will say this: it doesn't have to be either/or. You can have a hook-up and you can meet the love of your life. Sometimes, very rarely, it will be both at the same time. But just because you have a hook-up doesn't mean you're a "cheap slut." Don't waste your remaining years "looking for love"; if love happens, it happens. Also remember that as you get older, things don't work as well. Thankfully, there are remedies nowadays.

I would also say that guys who are out there always "looking" tend to come across as desperate and/or needy. Who needs that? One of the best pieces of advice I've come upon since I began reading this site is to just live your life to the fullest — if you are active, interested in doing things, have hobbies, and are still learning, you are attractive to other people; they will seek you out.

The best way to meet guys late in life, I've found, is to join interest groups. I belong to a gay hiking group, gay swim team, gay dads' group, gay book club. I've met some really interesting guys who've become firm friends (and yes, with some of them, I've hooked up). Truth to tell, though, I met both my current BF and the previous one at the gay nude beach.

Finally, a word about bars. This pertains to those of us who are "later in life." When I go to a gay bar by myself, I usually find it almost impossible to strike up a conversation with anyone. Sure, I'm shy, but no more than anyone else. The real problem is that almost everyone there is with a partner or a group. Since I'm not a hot 20-, 30-, 40-, or even 50-year old, no one bothers to hit me up, and I'm not about to interject myself into a bunch of guys ("Hi, I'm Weston"), lest I come across as desperate (see above). On the other hand, I have a standing Thursday night gig with my gay dads' group at a local gay bar: when I'm with the group, I often seem to interact with other people in other groups.

 

Personally, I'm a cheap slut. I think you could have a relationship with one of those guys. You might want to see if you're a match sexually before you go down that road.

 

Add me to the list of people who aren't particularly interested in a hookup. And if that means I'm still a virgin when they plant me in the skull orchard, so be it.

I've had very seriously limited interaction with other LGBT people. That said...I assume if I ever do actually get a chance to meet other men, I may be in the same position of being told: "Let's be friends! But first, send me a picture of your dick!!!!" Or something like that. I'm sure I'll feel frustrated. But one thought hits me now--and I hope I'll remember then, and that it may be useful for others like me: in a way it could be a blessing when guys are so blatant about wanting a hookup. Chances are, those guys and I would not have certain core beliefs and values, and it may be best to learn that fast so I don't invest wasted effort in that person. Although...this is in some ways admittedly easier to say and appreciate now. I'm sure when the day comes, I'll feel a sting, even if I can remember this...

 

It just occurred to me, we're using an oxymoron here. Whores can be cheap (or expensive); sluts do it for free. I guess that makes me a slut too. :lol:

 

I think OGS and Weston both make excellent points.

On a somewhat different note....

I know people who freely admit to having had hundreds of sexual encounters - and they also were there to mentor me when I was coming out and make it a positive and supportive experience (at a time when support for LGBT people was a lot harder to find) as well as volunteering their time at the local LGBT center and generally being ready to help out whenever help was needed. And they were always there for me when I was in pain and needed a friend.

I've known people who did everything from hookups to group sex parties - and they were funny, and kind, and charming, and great roommates and friends.

More recently, I've seen two of the staff here (OGS and Lexington) offer any number of posts of advice and support and general positive stuff to any number of members here - and along the way saying enough to give the rather strong impression that neither was a blushing virgin when they met their partner.

To dismiss such people as 'sluts' and 'whores' and being without 'class' because their tastes do not match yours - says a lot more about you than it does about them.

A significant portion (perhaps the major portion) of the bandwidth of this forum is devoted to people seeking comfort and support because other people (generally conservative) have chosen to think that they can judge the entire content of someone's character based solely on their sexual proclivities.

That so many forum members, who are so ready to condemn such behavior in others, are so eager to engage in it themselves says...something.

Maybe that some people are not so different from those sorts of conservative elements as they might like to think.

Maybe that there's nothing so delicious in the universe as irony - at least if you dump enough ketchup on it.

:***: