Hi EC! To make a long story (pretty) short: I'm a 23 year old guy who recently started dating other guys. In my early teen I was attracted to guys, but I feelt ashamed of this and egerly tried to forget thoose feelings. I think I managed pretty succesfully, until just this year I was asexual, due to not being into girls that much and avoiding any thoughts of other guys. I think I'm a little attracted to girls though, or it is just that I want to be it. I'm not proud of this, on the contrary very much sad because of it, but what is done is done. But 3 months ago I moved about 1000km and thought, whataheck, I can try to date a guy because no one here knows me so I dont have to explain. I thought that it would lead nowhere because of my inexperience. But it lead somewhere. I invited a cute guy for dinner and some drinks and yeah, it ended with us kissing and cuddling for hours and hours that night. I fell in love, I'm quite sure. We saw a couple of times more, still kissing and cuddling and I really wanted to have sex with him. But he ended it due to him being an exchange student not looking for something lasting, which I might have been. So on my first date, ever, I feel in love. And then I got my heart crushed. Now I have trouble dating again. Have tried but just feel sad and think of him. Dont get aroused or anything. And all the time now I think: "Please wake up straight tomorrow, please please please." It would be so much simpler. I have no gay friend because I grew up in a small rural and conservative working class city where those things didn't exsisted. I feel so lonely now. My heart is crushed, I feel I wanna be really straight and I'm only out to my 2-3 best friends and pretty much a virgin. This has this last month caused me to get depressed and very tired. I dont know what to do anymore.
I'm sorry you're feeling depressed. Wanting to be straight isn't going to change anything, though. I feel like you are, in fact, gay, and that's completely OK. That date you had with the foreign exchange student proves that. It'll take time for you to get over him, but you will. Just like with any wound, it'll heal, but you have to allow yourself to want to be healed. There's plenty of guys out there for you to check out and see. It'll be fun! You'll have fun.
I might be gay, perhaps bi, idk really. But can one fall in love with a guy, and wanting to have sex with him (anal, that is), and still being straight? I will get over him, thought, it might take some time. Right now this depression is the hardest part. Makes me feel useless and like I am never going to find love again and never to be happy. And the worst part is that I think it affects my libido, so to say. Hardly feel aroused for the last two months. God, life is so freaking hard.
I feel you. I went through a much worse breakup 16 months ago and I still don't wanna trust anyone again. In fact I'm still depressed and think of him every day. To move forward yourself, just remember that he has already moved on, he doesn't care about you or what you are doing. He is unaffected by the relationship you two had and that you should move on with your life as well. (!)(&&&) Life goes on. (*hug*):eusa_danc
