Another thinking out loud/venting thread. Feel free to do something more productive, like weeding Astroturf. As regular readers of my babbles know, I have been struggling with loneliness, and trying to form some connection with others for the last nearly 3 years. (Can it be that long?!? It seems unbelievable this has stretched that long. But it also seems like it's been centuries.) And by connection I don't mean a boyfriend, although that might be nice. I mean just even casual friends I can do stuff with. Recently, most of my better interaction with others was through various events held in my area. While I made nothing more than some very casual Facebook friends, at least it was a chance to talk with people who had more to talk about than the weather, or whether I desired a bag made of paper, or plastic. Unfortunately, all things end...and it looks like those events are done with. There is no formal word. But I have received formal notice about the person who was the host for many events, and--I'm betting--instrumental in organizing all events. He did all this as part of a position he held locally. But he's just left that particular position. And so, while there is no formal news, it seems likely all those events will cease. And so...starts another new, deep round of lonely isolation. Worse, in a way, than what I've been dealing with. At least, I had some interaction, even if I wasn't making any real friends. Now I'm left with just about nothing. There is, of course, nothing I can do... All I can do is find something new that's local and fits in my White Trash budget. Or just accept I'm alone, and try to make peace with that. But, as always, this is easier accepted intellectually than it is emotionally.
i'm sorry that you are feeling lonely. even though i"m married, i wish i had some male or female genderqueer, non-binary, genderfluid, trans, gay, lesbian and/or straight-girl friends to be with and talk, go shopping, etc. the reasons for that are myriad plus the fact that i'm just coming out but i'm doing everything i can to get out and be with those kinds of people rather than the basically all-straight, alpha-male DJs in my scene. i hope you're doing everything you can to get yourself out there. this reminds me of a song by blank & jones called 'loneliness'. it's a sweet, soft song - not one of their raging trancers. "even lonlieness is full of life."
I'm sorry you feel lonely, BMC77. I've only been out for five months now, but have met no one. I live in a rural area where there aren't many OUT gay men and I'm hesitant to hang out with closeted people who only want clandestine hookups or 20-somethings who are my children's ages. I'm hoping when I move to Houston this summer that this will change and I'll find myself surrounded by 'my people', but realize that is most likely going to be up to me getting out of my shell and making friends somewhere/somehow. Hang in there.
To reiterate a prior theory I myself followed - its all in the numbers. The more you get yourself out there, the more people you can meet. I have gotten involved in so many socially driven activities, I have lost count at this point. Whether it be LGBT social groups, athletic leagues, meet up groups, charitable organizations, business acquaintances, or simply meeting people sitting next to me on an airplane. That said, I now have narrowed it down and found one avenue that works for me well given my lifestyle and the time I can commitment - which is a local sports league in my area. Over time, I have met a lot of people in the LGBT community. But the reality is, at 45, I have found I just do not have the time nor attention to dedicate myself to building a social base larger than just a few people amongst my group of friends that I have now established.
Thanks, everyone! ---------- Post added 8th Feb 2016 at 02:46 PM ---------- Yes, it's about numbers... This poses two huge problems for me: First, I am strongly introverted. That, and perhaps other issues, make it hard and hugely draining meeting lots and lots of people. And when I do it, and get nothing to show for it, it becomes disheartening. Secondly, because I'm Poor White Trash, the options are seriously limited. Anything that costs money is a hard sell, if not totally impossible. Then, past me, it seems like it's hard, period, forming connections in this part of the country. This is why it's so hugely disheartening the loss of these particular events. They were free, and the scale of most was introvert friendly. Plus the person who was a host and organizer is an area outsider, and he knows how :***: hard it is forming connections here. Past all this, I'm also honestly wondering what is wrong with me. Am I just plain unlikable?
