The short version of the preface is that back in November my bf borrowed a car to go to the first day of his new job and found out the hard way that it was uninsured when a pedestrian ran out in front of him. A couple months ago it finally went through court and the courts decided the accident wasn't my bf's fault but they did give him a fight for no insurance. While they were announcing that the accident wasn't his fault they also dropped the bombshell that the pedestrian died. Between November and the court date my bf was mostly himself but would have something happen that would remind him of the accident and he would get depressed for a short amount of time. Since the court date where he found out the man had died everything reminded him of it. He would go to work and would remember what happend the first day. He would pass by the spot... This caused him to miss work a lot because he didn't want to be reminded constantly (cant say i blame him) and he lost his job about a month ago. I noticed about 2-3 weeks before he lost his job that he was showing signs of depression and apparently so was his job because they actually offered to give him a few sessions with a councler for free. I begged, pleaded, and did everything i could to get him to take their offer. Since he got fired it became obvious that though he didn't want to be reminded of what happend every day he went to work, the job actually did distract him enough that he still had more good days than bad. Since he lost his job he has really took a big spiral into depression. Though i love him and understand why living with him has become a nightmare because even though this person looks like my boyfriend he obviously isn't the man i fell in love with anymore and its a frustration i have put up with becuse i love him. This brings us up to recent events (aren't you glad i didn't give the long version?) For the last couple weeks everything that has gone wrong has been personal to him. His ex didn't tell him he was getting married.. personal, he dropped the jelly jar and it busted.. personal, the truck breaks down...... ok by now you get the idea. And i catch the fallout from everything that "happens to him because the world is out to get him". This has built up frustration on my part and i have tried to talk to him about it and usually this just ends up with him getting mad because "I dont care about his feeling or what he is going through. I only care about how he treats me" and him threating to leave. Monday: We were having another fight because i obviously "didnt care about him" again and after him threating to leave several times durring the fight I finally broke and told him i thought that would be best. His response? He went to the kitchen grabbed a knife and was trying to lock himself in. I was able to get my foot in the door and reason with him to get the knife away. After things calmed down and we decided he should stay i freaked out and had an emotional break down because he had scared me so bad. Tuesday(last night): I have been out of work because of my back (have 2 bulging discs) and my doctor finally agreed to let me return to work. I need to speak with my HR manager but after my doctor's appointment i was informed he wasnt there and would be back in about 45 min to an hour. Durring that time we went to visit my bf's sister. They were laughing and had a few shots. He stayed there and I went to talk to HR. When i returned 45 minutes later he was arguing with her and demanded to leave. On the way home he kept saying he wished he was dead (and other similar phrases). We get home and not 20 minutes later I see him grab a bottle of pills (i think they are something for his neropathy) and shake multiple into his hand, disolve them in a glass of warm water and down them. He swears it was just 4 but i know better because 4 pills dont drop the level of a big bottle by 1/2 an inch. After the knife thing on monday, I called 911 when i saw him down the pills. They responded and somehow he talked them into not taking him to the hospital. This started a huge arguement where he demanded to leave. The whole time he was throwing things and he kept saying "you did this on purpose","I hate you", and other more colorful things i dont think i need to type here. After he decided he had all his stuff I agreed to take him to his friends house (i figured he'd calm down in a few days). As we left again he was saying stuff like he wanted to die. When we got just over a mile down the road and turned from the residental road to the main highway i started to accelerate. When i hit somewhere around 30-35 mph he reaches up and jerks the wheel! I was able to mash the clutch and brake and get the thing stopped before we hit the ditch. (Okay, I'm not proud of this and i know i should't have) After the truck stopped my anger of him literally trying to kill me plus the frustration that had been building from the fighting for 2 hours caused me to punch him. This caused an all out fist fight that somewhere in the middle of it my foot slipped off the brake and with the wheels cut we rolled backward into the ditch getting the truck stuck. Someone who happend to be passing by saw pretty much the whole thing and called 911. This caused the same cop who was at my house not 30 minutes before to show up. His first instinct was that he wanted to send both of us to jail for domestic battery, but after me and my bf's adreniline calmed down so we could talk he decided that we were outside the City limits (literally less than 100 yards from the sign I could clearly read) so he would let the county cop handle it (he did us a favor). After hearing pretty much what you have just read from me, seeing that my bf had a suicide call not an hour previously, and me begging him not to throw my bf in prison he decided to cut my boyfriend a break. He told me that at a minimum he would charge my bf with some assault charge (i dont rember exactly which) for pulling the steering wheel and domestic battery. I dont have to press charges but because my bf refused medical treatment alongside the road (2nd time in just over an hour) that he had to charge him with something so that he could hold my bf for up to 72 hours to get him evaluated. My bf and I had calmed down to the point that the cop agreed to let me talk to him through the window. Of course it was personal that he was going to jail and i wasnt. I told him I loved him, I was sorry for the fist fight, and explained that these charges were to get him help that he needed (which of course started him swearing at me that i dont get to talk like that..yet again. I assured him again this was to get him help, that i do love him, and that if this actually made it court i would be the first one there arguing that he was innocent from mental defect. Just to cap off the night the tow truck came pulled my truck out of the ditch and since i was broke took it to the tow yard. Then the cops left too leaving me alone on the side of the road to friggin walk home. Im pretty sure my bf hates me now and this will be the end of our relationship but (other than punching him which i know was wrong) did i actually do the right thing here?
after reading all of that.....DAMN. that must've taken a lot for a guy like you. It sounds like your bf suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. An accident like that can pretty much change a person's life. He might feel responsible for causing a person to succumb to death, and that can definitely weigh a lot on your consciousness. Whether you were in the wrong or not, you can only take it for what it is. You reacted the way you only know how to, and I don't really think anyone can judge you for that. Since you did try to help him, other people would have done it differently in a negative way. He definitely needs medical help. He might hate you now, but the sooner he gets treated and more mentally stabilized, he will appreciate the help in the long run.
Wow i just now had time to proof read that. Family came over and took me to get my truck right as i finished typing it. So i commend you for making it through that Bolt35. I hope that you are right about him appreciating the help in the long run. update: I went to talk to the P.A. today to try to get the charges dropped. The P.A. flat out refused to drop the charges because he feels that going ahead with the prosecution will be the best way to get my bf help. So now my bf will probably be stuck there for weeks just because i cant come up with 450 bucks to get him out.
Your BF needs psychiatric help and this is one way of doing it. I don't see it as a bad thing he has to be in jail for a week IF in the mean time he can see a qualified mental health professional who helps him to deal with his issues.
What a week you've been having! (*hug*) as much as you seem to care about him i would end it just for your own personal safety.
I guess you're right, and if he hates me for the next 30 years, then that means he lived another 30 years right? ---------- Post added 29th Apr 2016 at 01:29 PM ---------- I dont want to leave him. i want to get his brain back right, if i can do that neither one of us will be in danger
wooowww... this is a heavy story. Im so sorry you and your boyfriend had to go through that. You absolutely did the right thing. He needed to get help after the accident, but denied. this caused it to only get sooo much worse. I hope he's getting the help he needs and realises that you only did him good. You are a good person for helping him
If he gets the appropriate help and gets better he will not be angry about this at all. Any reasonable person would see that he had this coming and he needed a heavy handed intervention.
