1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Lost

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Roger123, May 1, 2016.

  1. Roger123

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2016
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    France
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Hi everyone!

    First I have to say that your forum helped me a lot and even though I feel more at ease with myself, I am a bit confused.

    So the last months were really difficult for me because I basicaly discovered I was not straight at all. Now I'm almost sure I'm gay but things are not that easy. Before this questioning over my sexuality I was almost sure I was straight because I would always jack off to girls/straight porn, fantasise about girls...etc

    Problem is I began to feel awkward sensations when I am with male friends, or just surrounded by males. It's a sensation I think is arrousal but the strange thing is my mind usually doesn't follow up. It seems that my body is completely excited but not my mind. When I'm alone I have this strong fantasy of givîg oral sex but everytime I do, the person has no face. And if I try to fantasise about a person in particular, this fantasy loses all its strength. I think what I like is the submission. When I look to gay porn, I can't feel arrousal. I never said to myself "this guy is hot" because I don't think it consciously but my body reacts in an odd way (even if I don't get an erection).

    I am a masculine guy, I only have straight friends and I find it easy to relate with men (only for friendship, I never had a crush on anyone). I have almost no girl friends and I have kind of something which blocks me from having a relationship with a girl (even if it's only friendship).

    Last week I came out to my father (who I'm really close to) and he is supportive. He thinks I'm bi though but just inexperienced. And after this talk I felt more secure and I began to feel straight again and it was one of the best week in my life. I had only straight fantasies... etc. But now I come back to the point where I think I'm gay because my oral sex fantasies came back and they are strong... I feel depressed

    What are you views? If you have questions, I'll be glad to answer it(I m 20 btw). I have such an internal conflict between my mind and my body that it's tiring. If I felt more gay, had crushes on guy I would be glad but I think that something stronger than social pressure or internalised homophobia prevents me from that.

    Thanks
     
  2. Linus

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2015
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Chicago Area
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I get you bro. Really I do. (Wow, did that sound cliche?) (Okay so at least, I think I get you.)
    How your mind and body get confused with each other. Feelings don't have to have faces. Fantasies can be super confusing, also. But so can dreams. And that's really what fantasies are, right?

    So maybe you're bi. Maybe you're gay. Maybe you're straight. While there's nothing wrong with any of these orientations, conflict with mind and body is what complicates things. I sort of have a similar situation with gender.

    Being yourself takes time, if you ask me. It's taken me ages to truly come to terms and be comfortable with it, but after that slow process, everything begins feel a little more natural. Not completely. Closer.

    Maybe it won't be like that with you. Or maybe it will. The best advice I can give you would be to try and not dwell on it too much, or else to find more people who will support and understand you. General comfort is ideal.

    Good luck.
     
  3. Tomás1

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2016
    Messages:
    382
    Likes Received:
    74
    Location:
    San Francisco
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    My sense is you're in your head about your sexuality - w references to your dream, & the gay/straight distinction. Get out of your head! Forget the labels. Notice who u like, & feel comfortable with.

    Have u had sex w another person? If so, what was it like?
     
  4. Roger123

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2016
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    France
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Thanks for your answers, it helps truly.

    So no I haven't slept with nobody mainly because I have these issues understanding myself. The problem is, when I feel I'm straight, I'm happy, enjoying life and feeling confortable with myself and others. And I can't believe these sensations rely on a big lie. On the other hand, when I'm alone or convinced that I'm gay (which I think I am), I am much less confident and I feel realy bad. I think I'm confident enough to come out but I think the result will just be the opposite of what it should be. It should free me and let me live how I am but thinking of myself in that box, with that label could crush all my confidence.

    I may have internalised homophobia but I don't really feel this way. What is hurting me the most is seeing all my friends hiting on girls, flirting and I want to be attracted as much as they are by women but I feel like it's not the same for me. If I had thought I was gay all my life I would'nt feel I have lost something but now I get the impression I have. If I had crushes on guys it would be a bit easier because I'm not interested in sex for sex, I only want to build a serious relationship.

    I don't really know why I am writting all this, I think I wanted to get it off my chest.If you feel like commenting, and share experiences which seem similar, please do, I'll be really thankfull.