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A friend killed herself.

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by R M, May 4, 2016.

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  1. greatwhale

    greatwhale
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    The most serious danger sign is when you know someone who's been struggling with depression and very suddenly they seem very calm, that is a major red flag. The reason is that they are no longer struggling with whether they should do it or not, they have made the decision, and plans are in place...

    It is very easy to get fooled by that.
     
    #21 greatwhale, May 5, 2016
  2. bingostring

    bingostring
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    Dear RM,

    This is incredibly sad.

    I think people with depression can be very good at concealing the signs and putting up a false front. So do not be hard on yourself for things you did not say, or do.

    (*hug*)
     
    #22 bingostring, May 5, 2016
  3. crystalbal

    crystalbal
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    I'm sorry to hear about your friend. :frowning2:

    It will take time to overcome the grief. So, I would advice you to take your time to overcome.

    Are you close to your friend's parents? You can try to assist them or give them company during this difficult period. You might be able to make them feel better and in turn, make yourself feel better too.
     
    #23 crystalbal, May 5, 2016
  4. Sepina

    Sepina
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    I'm sorry.
     
    #24 Sepina, May 5, 2016
  5. Reciprocal

    Reciprocal
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    I can only imagine what a tough time this must be for her family. Rest in peace :frowning2:
     
    #25 Reciprocal, May 5, 2016
  6. SillyGoose

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    Sorry for your loss
     
    #26 SillyGoose, May 5, 2016
  7. R M

    R M
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    uhm well I am dealing with my own problems and she asked what was the matter. I told her and we got talking. she told me she was dealing with depression, and I also saw that she was doign selfharm. I also knew that she was really insecure about herself and her body. She was dealing a bit with her sexuality. She also cried in class multible times, becuase she had serious boy trouble and she was doing bad for some classes and had bad grades while having exams in two weeks. I always knew that she was depressed and stuf, but I think it was just everything together plus being so scared of exams and having bad grades.

    but you mostly dont know who would actually do it and its very hard to prevent things like this.

    ---------- Post added 5th May 2016 at 07:26 PM ----------
    thank you :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 5th May 2016 at 07:28 PM ----------

    and thanks everyone who posted too. I appreciate it alot :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 5th May 2016 at 07:39 PM ----------
    yes you can never really know. youre right about that. thank you

    I dont know her parents. I have seen them, but I havent really ever really talked to them. I was thinking of telling them that I am sorry for their loss and give them my condolences. I hope they will come to school tomorrow so that I can tell them that and show my respects to her and her family.
     
    #27 R M, May 5, 2016
  8. owlcat

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    RM, I'm really sorry for your loss. If possible, try to look after yourself as best you can - grief can come out in lots of ways that tend towards negative cycling. Try to take everything slowly to help yourself adjust. (*hug*)
     
    #28 owlcat, May 5, 2016
  9. Gunsmoke

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    I'm really, really sorry to hear about your loss. I can only imagine how painful it must be to lose somebody close to you in this way: I've been in a similar situation myself, so I can sort of relate... Except that my friend's attempt didn't work, but I remember how shocked and horrified I was when I found out, so I think I sort of know how you feel.

    As to you asking how you might deal with it, well, there's no right or wrong way to grieve, at least, I don't believe there is. Maybe try to make something positive out of this horrible situation? I don't mean that you should forget about her or anything and I don't mean that to sound insensitive, what I mean is: for example, when my sister's friend's sister committed suicide, her family started a charity in her name to help out kids who were suffering from stress and mental health issues. Obviously not everybody can do that, but maybe it would be nice to, I don't know, do something that she would appreciate? Your candles sound like a lovely way to honour her, and planting a lost person's favourite flowers is supposed to be a nice way of remembering somebody. I don't know if it's this sort of thing that you were looking for, so, um, sorry if it isn't. I truly am very sorry for your loss...
     
    #29 Gunsmoke, May 5, 2016
  10. faultyink

    faultyink
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    I am so, so sorry. That's absolutely horrible. I can't even imagine how I would feel in your place. You saying, "I didn't think she would actually do it" makes me think of someone who talks about suicide a bit, and I'm going to make sure I'm there to help her just in case...
     
    #30 faultyink, May 5, 2016
    Last edited: May 5, 2016
  11. Box

    Box
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    It's also important to remember that it isn't like this in every case. A common myth is that "if someone tells you that they are going to commit suicide, that means they just want attention".
    This is wrong. Before one of my closests friends commited suicide she had made plans that she told everyone, and no one believed her.
    Treat every sign just as seriously.

    OP, I'm so sorry for your loss.
     
    #31 Box, May 5, 2016
  12. R M

    R M
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    thanks again to everyone who took time to respond. Its nice to knoew that youre all so supportive and kind. students and teachers could attend school today for a few hours to talk about it with everyone and a therapist who was there too. It was so sad to see her closest friends break down in tears as they looked at the picture of her thst was hung up. we all wrote something nice about her in a book and brought flowers and other things that will be put at her memorial monday. the teachers were also very sad and some even crying, but they were very supportive to all the students and after a hour people started getting in better moods and some even laughing a bit. it was a good thing to see.

    I also heard from a good friend of hers that she apparantly ran away from home on may 1st and the thought of her maybe living on the streets for 2 days makes me really sad. she didnt bring her phone or anything, so nobody knew where she was. It also got me thinking like, what if she was raped or something else bad happened to her? could this be a reason? the parents are still in total schock and the teachers are just as sad as we are. It was nice to see people smiling again though :slight_smile:.

    thanks again everyone
     
    #32 R M, May 6, 2016
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